Having a good ol RANT!!

[michaelm]

I asked my dad to take me to the church in his car - the church is a mile from my family home.

Sounds like a good plan to me. My current wife's brother drove her to the church (I think it was a Mazda 323, but he did, I believe hoover & wash it )

The future in-laws are mortified and will not stop pressuring us to get a vintage car.

You can't please everyone, you should please yourselves. No harm in managing their expectations that, while you appreciate their view, you will make your own decisions.

 

[Betsy Og]

I think the easiest is to go one of two ways 1) leave the country, 2) invite all.

Its not really feeding the guests that drives the costs, its stupid stuff like covers for the chairs (that no-one notices), choosing a very expensive menu etc.

I always give cash, most people do. In Kerry they say invite enough and make a profit (you get up to 400 there!!). We had about 175 and we had a ball, the costs worked out ok with most people giving cash.

Considering the countless neighbours weddings my parents had been to I felt we owed them one. When my brother got married he kept it small, no neighbours. So I'd done our bit as a family. Maybe your folks feel they owe the neighbours a day out?? (on the other hand some people call them a "summons" because of the cost involved - but no-one is forcing them to go).

As a general rule bulking up the numbers shouldnt detract from the occasion, fair enough if you feel its too much pressure but I think some people can be a bit ..... errr..... "selfish" (ok wrong word) about the whole thing. Someone's "special day" doesnt get wrecked because the old folks get to have a laugh with some old fogies the bride and groom dont really know.

 

[annR]

It's so rude to pressure the bride about her invitations and arrangements etc, unbelievable. However like it or not other people have a huge emotional stake in the wedding and sometimes it's nice to keep them happy but within reason of course. I don't see how making more expensive invitations would do that, but yeah inviting the neighbours or whatever might.

>>Brides do become somewhat "ME ME ME" though.<<

To be honest, given what some hotels/photographers/florists/boutiques are charging sometimes it's justified! If you are forking out several grand you expect a service not to be treated like some sucker. I paid 2k for my wedding dress and yes I threw a total bridezilla fit when the shop where I bought it was unbelievably slack with ordering and fittings etc. I was about to lose my mind with the stress of the whole f*g thing.

 

[Birroc]

To be honest, an awful lot of the people you (or your parents) invite to a wedding would rather not go, particularly older people who find the whole day very long and the music way too loud. But on the other hand people get insulted if they're not asked. You can't really win with weddings.

+1

The only weddings I enjoy are the very close family/friend ones. So many others are an expensive bores.

 

[STEINER]

Once a couple are paying for their wedding, they should be calling the shots. When I married, every guest was personally known to us, I didn't invite cousins I hadn't seen in years and left some other relatives out. Regarding costs, we stuck to a reasonable budget, bought invites, did booklets ourselves, flowers in market, vintage car, photographer threw in his merc for transport. Only real extravagance was the nice cake at about €500, dunno how/why wedding cakes can be so dear. Can you eat a tier after 6 years?!!

Been to a friend's wedding where groom's parents picked his guests, a lot of their friends invited and mainly because they were invited to friends' offsprings' weddings. Noticeably older guest at the wedding and of course a lot of them fecked home early once music started.

I attended a wedding where the groom's parents didn't attend ceremony or reception as they didn't agree with the family guestlist.

My elderly mother in law was invited to a niece's wedding, the invite was just for her, she was seated at a table of strangers! After the meal my wife collected her from the ordeal.

A bride I know invited her estranged brother (the bride's brother) at the mother's insistence. Needless to say a no show, no card or gift obviously.