Getting advice together Pre Solicitors

D

dodo

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Myself and EX who are going to start legal proceedings to get divorced and is far from amical and looks like it will be bad experience for both,
A very good family friend has intervened as he sees the hurt it is causing and has suggested before we select our solicitors to first go to a neutral party not like a mediator.Just opinion what they think would happen if we let Judge decide
Who would look at all the assets/liabilities and give an honest opinion of what they believe would be outcome based on their experience and from there we can both review and go from there. This is only time he will be involved he said.

Is there a special company that does this or just pick any family solicitor or non solicitor that does this type of thing.
 
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I second seriously considering mediation. But you need to be clear on what mediation offers. A mediator does not offer their opinion on a possible solution rather their role is to assist both sides to look at everything and decide between the two the best possible outcome.

So if both parties can see the big picture and realise that it's not about "winning" but rather coming out with the least objectionable result for both then happy days. However if one person becomes bogged down in their own position and can't be swayed to compromise then its a different ball game.

From personal experience i would recommend you be honest with yourself about what your red line issues are and what areas you're happy to give leeway on. Bear in mind that a full blown court proceedings will quickly add 20k to your costs and maybe that will help focus your mind.

If there is alot of emotion still involved I would also recommend attending a counsellor. It's useful to vent in that space with an independent third party and then be focused and less emotional when trying to negotiate.

I've used both private mediation and the free service offered by the legal aid board. I found both excellent if ultimately ineffective through no fault of theirs.
 
I found mediation a complete and utter waste of time as my now ex did not want to discuss any of these topics. My solicitor was obliged to advise us to attend and we actually went to a number of sessions and tried different mediators. I found the main focus was on access and my ex basically ignored anything financial so it was never discussed. There were a number of times that it got really agitated. I'm sure there are many others who had a much more positive experience but really both people need to want to be there and calmly discuss the different areas.
 
Northie said:
I second seriously considering mediation. But you need to be clear on what mediation offers. A mediator does not offer their opinion on a possible solution rather their role is to assist both sides to look at everything and decide between the two the best possible outcome.

So if both parties can see the big picture and realise that it's not about "winning" but rather coming out with the least objectionable result for both then happy days. However if one person becomes bogged down in their own position and can't be swayed to compromise then its a different ball game.

From personal experience i would recommend you be honest with yourself about what your red line issues are and what areas you're happy to give leeway on. Bear in mind that a full blown court proceedings will quickly add 20k to your costs and maybe that will help focus your mind.

If there is alot of emotion still involved I would also recommend attending a counsellor. It's useful to vent in that space with an independent third party and then be focused and less emotional when trying to negotiate.

I've used both private mediation and the free service offered by the legal aid board. I found both excellent if ultimately ineffective through no fault of theirs.
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Done meditation before and both thought it nonsense tbh , we want someone with all details in front of them and give their honest opinion, from there we review separately for few weeks and then talk to each other again,
 
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