Friend with debt problems

B

blinkbelle

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my friend was over for lunch today and was telling me about her debt problems and that she had her credit card company ringing her.

Like ok i feel sorry for her, but she got herself into this mess and thinks that her partner is going to help her pay of the debt (shes only with him 9months)

The debt is all hers 2 credit cards, bank loan, cu loan and other mini finance like 1,000 owed on tv finace etc.

I have told her she should go to mabs and try and sort it out, and told her to cut up the credit cards etc etc. have sugested loads of stuff to her. she doesnt wanna listen and is only interested in her designer clothes and new car.

Yet she still rambles on oh what am i going to do? She tells me i must be loaded because ive no debt.

I have a mortgage to pay and a small car loan. Anyways to the point she has asked me for money so she can go on hoilday with her boyfriend.

It was a text message and i never replied to her as i am at work, like i dont wanna give it to her shes so careless with money but i will feel bad on the other hand.

What would anyone else do and has anyone else this sort of debt or is she in the minority. She owes over 30,000
 
If she can't/won't take responsibility for her own debts then that's her problem. You have done your bit by giving he useful/prudent advice. She is (presumbly) a grown adult and must take responsibility for her own decisions. If this includes getting into and ignoring debt the so be it. Just don't add yourself to her list of creditors!
 
I think that giving a spendaholic money is bad for them.

You should call her and refuse. Tough love. When the shouting dies down, you should offer to go with her to a MABS meeting.

Brendan
 
No way should you loan this friend money. Tell her the reason you are debt free is because you live within your means and if she did the same she could be debt free too.
 
Do not give a lend to this friend. She has no control over money, you will never see your money again. Not giving the money may affect the relationship but imagine how sour the relationship would go if you had to hound her for the return of the money.
 
Hi blinkbelle,

It would be foolish to lend this friend of yours money.......you will be sinking her further into debt and she will have the added pressure of oweing money to a friend....tell her you dont have the money to lend her and pressure her into going to MABS, you could say that you went before a few years ago (lie to her) and say they helped you get out of a bad situation like she is in now.........................
 
I'm in a similar situation (although I haven't been asked, I feel I would like to give). However my friend is also so bad with money I'm afraid it would too be squandered. I'm considering giving "with conditions" but wonder if this will be taken the wrong way i.e you can use this money to buy x, y and z but not ........
Anyone been in this situation? Funnily enough I think it could all go wrong and we would end up falling out, so may do nothing.... any advice?
 
pernickety said:
Funnily enough I think it could all go wrong and we would end up falling out
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You've come to your own conclusion there....don't do it.
 
Take it from me - if you have reservations about lending money to somebody who can't manage their own financial affairs then don't do it. Been there, done that (with family members), learned the lesson, won't do it again.
 
pernickety said:
I'm considering giving "with conditions" but wonder if this will be taken the wrong way i.e you can use this money to buy x, y and z but not ........
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How exactly would these 'conditions' be enforced?
 
Hi all many tanx for the replies. I had a good think about it and why should I lend her 2,000 so she can go on hoilday. I just rang her and said i didnt have the money as i was saving to get new tiles for my bathroom (which is sorta true).

She said ok that it was ok she'd ask another friend who also said no.
So that friend rang me this evening and was telling me she could not believe that she asked her for money, i was like she asked me the other day too.

Anyways she has applied for another credit card now. I hope to god they dont approve it for her. She out of control. Like i dont think her parents would be happy if they knew she had all this debt. She has never saved for a thing where as me on the other hand saved for everything i have. If i spend any money on my credit card i clear it straight away when bill comes. I usually only use it if im getting something online.

To Pernickety,

I would not give ur friend money either. As far as i see they got themselves into this mess so let them get themselves out of it.
Whats that saying is it "neither a borrower nor a lender" thats what my dad always told me. And my mum allways told me to save even €5 a week, that one day it would help me and sure enough it has.
 
Its probably a very cold way of looking at the situation but I always feel that if they were true friends they would not ask for the money especially when they are aware that you know about their financial difficulties and the possibility of their not being able to pay it back.

If they're not embarrassed about asking for the loan then you should also not feel so in declining. Brass neck at the end of the day.:(
 
To be honest the best thing you can do for somebody with a problem like that is to sit back and let things unfold. They are going to learn the hard way and will deserve what she gets.

I've been in debt myself, but it was due to unemployment, bad luck (like not getting a single penny of a pay rise for 3 years) and a relationship breakup and the problem for me was that by the time I'd managed to get work again I simply couldn't catch up with 3 months of arrears. What is going to happen to your friend is that one by one, her creditors will probably withdraw her lines of credit and she won't be able to get more. Then she will have no choice but to deal with it.

The real dangerous point is where people have multiple debts but only pay off the minimum as it can hugely grow while payments have little impact on reducing the debt. In the end I payed off over 10k in 5 years while earning only about 24k a year and paying 600 a month in rent. It meant living on about 75 euro a week but it was a lesson hard learned.
 
sueellen said:
Its probably a very cold way of looking at the situation but I always feel that if they were true friends they would not ask for the money
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At the very least they should have the cop-on to only ask if it was for something critical/important. Not for a €2K holiday while she has significant outstanding debts!
 
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