Moneymakeover Fresh Start after separation

J

johnadam

New Member
Messages
5
Age:53

Annual gross income from employment or profession:
€82,000, overtime/on call works out about €15,000

Take home pay is about €4,700 per month after pension and ESPP

Type of employment:
Private sector - IT, 3 years in this job

Expenditure pattern:
Due to a seperation in 2023 I am quite conservative.
outgoings - I have been paying full mortgage on home for the past 7 months of 1500 , only in the last month my ex is now back contributing her half so it will be back to 750/month for me
Other household bills/maintenance will be aprox 1000/month
saving 1500/2000 per month


Estimate of value of home
€750,000
Mortgage on home
€225K
Equity 525k

As part of seperation family home was put up for sale in May, went sale agreed at 750k after 3 weeks however sale collapsed last week bringing down 4 otehr house purchases in the chain as our buyers pulled on the last day before signing final contracts.
House split on sale , ex will get 400k and I get remaining after mortgage paid off so approx 100k

Other borrowings – car loans/personal loans etc
None

Do you pay off your full credit card balance each month?
Usually

Savings and investments:
€30,000 Trade Republic
€28,000 Revolut
€8,000 Credit Union
€6,000 other/misc


Do you have a pension scheme?
I have a defined contribution pension currently of around 40k and older pension with 150k

Do you own any investment or other property?
No.

Ages of children:
17

Life insurance:
Mortgage Assurance.

What specific question do you have or what issues are of concern to you?

Since I am starting over now again at 53 the main focus is getting a home as I am fortunate to stay with my sister since seperation. The seperation itself was prolonged/complex and only signed in March 2026 resulting in the house sale. I did get approvals in principal for mortgage of approx 200k over 15 years due to my age which varied from 1600 to 1900 per month. I did go sale agreed on my dream property of 400k however as that was depending on the family home sale that has now fallen through. My purchase would have bee. made up with proceeds from sale, mortgage and savings ( also have a 50k gift available if needed)
My main issue now is that pending the hosue being put up for sale again next year should I now go to the banks again and see if they would connsider a mortgage without depending on the house sale, this would limit my buying range however would they consider myself still liable for full mortage payment per month as part of their calculations? I did look into possibly bridging loan to keep my own purchase on track however as that will need my ex's agreement in relation to the exisiting joint mortage, thats a no go.
 
I think you have to take it step by step here.

The fact that your house sale fell through, means that it could fall through again.
It's also not just your decision to sell. Despite a legally binding agreement, your wife could be difficult.

1) You can reapply for mortgage approval if you need to extend it
2) You can't really apply for a mortgage for a specific property until you have exchanged contracts for the sale of your old property.

It does not stop you looking and bidding on houses. But the estate agents will be slow to accept an offer without contracts in place for the sale of your old property.
 
Shabbyroad said:
Where does the OP give any inference that this would be the case Brendan?
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It is an absolutely fair point to make - in my experience, people start separation/divorce proceedings being reasonable, and positions tend to change over time. Whether it's due to a changing perspective on their own financial future, or advice from family/friends telling them they should be looking for more.
 
They may have perfectly reasonable reasons for not agreeing. We do not know the facts and fortunately the OP has stuck to the financial matters without clouding the question.

The label "difficult woman" is often shorthand for women who step outside expectations of compliance and accommodation, being assertive is equated to being "difficult".
 
Separation can be a trying time for both parties. But, my initial thought at 53 you'd be doing yourself a favour by seeking a divorce with as little difficulty as possible. However, this seems unlikely as you said your separation terms were prolonged and complex. Both parties need true independence and I reckon divorce absolute is your best way forward. Then you can start addressing your financial situation.
 
johnadam said:
The seperation itself was prolonged/complex and only signed in March 2026 resulting in the house sale.
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The person living in the house, whether that is the woman or the man, is often difficult as it results in them leaving their home.

The OP needs to factor this in and not assume that the sale will be straightforward. It is important to raise this as a possibility.
 
Hi all, thanks for the replies and to add some context , I wasn't suggesting my ex is being difficult - its just the way it is. We never married so the seperation was invoked under the cohabitation act and all communication done via legal teams only. Legal bills alone for myself paid to date is 20k with another 6k to go approx.

The separation agreement is signed and a court order provides for the house to be sold and the proceeds divided. My concern is really the timing and uncertainty of the sale, particularly having just had one collapse at the last minute.

I think maybe the sensible next step may be to go back to the banks and ask what, if anything, they would lend me with the existing joint mortgage still in place - I cant go through the whole process again of hoping the sale completes and getting my hopes up after going sale agreed myself. That would give me a realistic purchasing budget without depending on the family home sale completing at the same time.

I'm not looking to maximise borrowing at 53. I'd rather end up with a manageable mortgage and get back on track with the remainder of my life I guess
 
johnadam said:
I think maybe the sensible next step may be to go back to the banks and ask what, if anything, they would lend me with the existing joint mortgage still in place - I cant go through the whole process again of hoping the sale completes and getting my hopes up after going sale agreed myself. That would give me a realistic purchasing budget without depending on the family home sale completing at the same time.
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John I think you need to sell the family home first. There is no point going to the banks now. When is the house going back on the market? Why did your ex stop paying the mortgage? This could happen again. Especially if she is finding it tough financially. Things might get a lot worse if the property doesn’t achieve 750k. Have you considered this.

Your outgoings seem to be 750 mortgage, 1000 maintenance and savings 1500 = 3270, less 750 if paying full mortgage. Income of 4700 -3250 - 750 =700 a month ? I assume no rent to sister, but you must have other outgoings?

I’d focus all effort on house sale and severing that issue.

On a positive note, you have savings and a good income. Still young enough to get a mortgage and you’ve free accommodation.
 
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I think I'd go a different line.

What could you buy right now with what you have / can raise, allowing for the existing mtge?

It won't be the dream property, but it would be your own front door & be a big step towards rebuilding your life.

When the house sale goes ahead - and you already know that might take a while, you can sell up & buy the dream.
 
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I would push hard for the house sale. Press the ex to comply with the court order which was hard won. Be direct and legalistic. Set a deadline for her to place it on the market. The court ordered sale in 2023. You just need to put your shoulder to the wheel. The sale collapsed because the buyer pulled out. There are other buyers out there.
 
Definitely sell the house first before buying.

The problem is that your incentive to sell is higher than your ex's incentive.

But you will have that problem anyway if you buy another house first - even if the banks do give you a mortgage.
 
Purple said:
position as the occupant of the house was the rationale
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I'm also deducing based on the equity split (and OP can correct me if I'm wrong); that said occupant was the initial owner of the property and / or will be responsible for housing their child.
 
DannyBoyD said:
I'm also deducing based on the equity split (and OP can correct me if I'm wrong); that said occupant was the initial owner of the property and / or will be responsible for housing their child.
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That's probably the case. It is also reasonable to deduce that the OP will be responsible for paying for the care of the children in that they are agreeing that their ex gets almost 80% of the equity and that they will continue to pay maintenance.

As the parent who took primary care of the children (90% plus) after by separation and divorce I regard the parent who does not get that privilege as the one making the greater sacrifice.

I never understood the proposition that the parent who got to spend most time raising the children, and spend most time in the home, as the one making the sacrifice. It doesn't stand up to even the most cursory scrutiny. Unless of course someone prefers being at work to being with their children.
 
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