Fostering kids??

[Betsy Og]

Anyone have any experiece of, or views on, the above? Its something that the 'do-gooder' in me thinks would be a worthy thing, to hope to make an improvement in the lot of someone if even only for a short while (at the outset I'd have to say its probably something that wont happen - herself would be the ruler on the issue and I havent even mentioned it to her).

We have young kids so, in my own head, its something to maybe look into when they're more or less grown up. Hopefully if, by then, we've managed not to damage them we'd have the experience to be able to cope with a foster child.

So what are average durations (is it a 2 month or a 2 year thing?), I presume the assessment to be a foster parent is fairly gruelling? (understandably). Do they favour the foster parents having kids of the same age and "raising all in parallel" or do they want you to be free to put your focus on the foster child. How many foster children at a time??

 

[Mel]

This is something that appeals to me too, I think it is a great opportunity to do something that will have a positive impact on someone's life.
Had looked into it a couple of years ago; there are regular information evenings with the local branches of HSE.
One of the things I remember is that you need 2 free bedrooms in the house, which ruled me out. It's something I still have on my 'bucket list' though.

 

[gabsdot]

Hubby is keen to foster so we recently had a Social worker come and talk to us about it. We were told that we would need a spare bedroom and they wouldn't allow us to put our 2 kids (girl aged 4 and boy aged 7) together so that the third bedroom was free for the foster child.

They also said they felt that our youngest (aged 4) was a bit too young and they would prefer her to be in school before we fostered. She said that there are all different types of fostering, short term, long term, weekend, emergency but that usually they assess people for everything and they prefer people to be open to all types.

There is a huge shortage of foster families in this area (Dublin North) and they use private agencies to take up the slack, this means that children can be placed in families in any part of the country meaning they have to change schools, visitation with birth families is more difficult etc.

The assessment is very thorough. We've been through 2 adoption assessments as our kids are adopted and the SW said the fostering assessment is much more detailed than the adoption one, this scared me as the adoption assessments we went through were horrific.

Also the big thing to remember is that foster children come with baggage and require a lot of time and attention. There are often doctors visits, counsellors and visitation. it takes a lot of time.

We've decided to leave it for now.

 

[Betsy Og]

Inevitably a google search points gives you lots of info including http://www.citizensinformation.ie/e...onships/adoption_and_fostering/fostering.html

Will read some more, but I think available time would be an issue for us as I tend to work late hours - i.e. herself would end up doing most of the work........ now where have I heard that before..

While of course no-one should go into it for economic reasons (i.e. stop loading your rifle to shoot me), but in the context of acute shortages of spaces for kids wouldnt you think €312 to €339 per child per week tax free, plus childrens allowance would make people think seriously about it. I dont keep exact track of what we spend on our kids but its certainly less than €600 per week and they sure aint neglected.

If I'd lost my job and was living in a commuter town with negative equity I think it might encourage me to give it serious consideration.

 

[Firefly]

While of course no-one should go into it for economic reasons (i.e. stop loading your rifle to shoot me), but in the context of acute shortages of spaces for kids wouldnt you think €312 to €339 per child per week tax free, plus childrens allowance would make people think seriously about it. I dont keep exact track of what we spend on our kids but its certainly less than €600 per week and they sure aint neglected.

If I'd lost my job and was living in a commuter town with negative equity I think it might encourage me to give it serious consideration.

That's worrying....the last thing that should happen IMO is that someone goes into fostering for the money, but you're right....30k a year tax free.

 

[sam h]

While I do commend people who decide to follow this vocation (it can be tough so I can't see how most people would do it for the money) you really would want to think of all of the effects it could have on your family.

I know of 2 people who fostered & they really enouraged me to consider it when my kids are older. However, hindsight does not apint a pretty picture.

One family took in a young boy of about 11 (similar age to one of their own kids). It started well for the first few weeks but the boy had deep rooted emotional & violence issues. Their own child ended up feeling treatened & unsafe in his own house. There were some violent attacks & eventually they had to end the fostering situation.

Another family fostered 2 children on a long term basis and all went great for years. They were embraced by all of the family (most were grown up) and completely treated as one of the family (put into the same private school their own kids had gone to, skiing & sun trips, activities, shopping trips etc). Then the older child reached 18 & was in more contact with the bio mother. There ended up being some very unpleasant accusations & investigation is still ongoing (hence I'm being very vague about the details). The entire family are devastated at this outcome as they refered to them as siblings & always spoke so fondly of them & it all went belly up over night.

It has certainly made me reconsider this route as I have to put the welfare of my own first & foremost.

Obviously these happen to be the 2 cases I've heard of and I don't mean to imply they are representative of typical foster setups. I'm sure there are 100's of sucessful foster set up's. It can be benificial for both the kids and the foster parents. Just be aware that some will be coming with lots of baggage and you need to be a very strong & able person to be able to deal with fallout should it happen.

 

[Betsy Og]

Yes, I can appreciate the risks. Maybe this is a bit selfish/unsuitable but my own view was that I'd leave it until our own are grown up and gone (18 or so), so a) would have time to focus on foster kids and b) wouldnt have the potential to damage our own at that stage (gulp, I know thats awful).

I suppose theres no shame in trying and failing - if it doesnt work it doesnt work, as long as you genuinely try your best then you cant be expected to solve the problems of the world. The accusations thing is v tough alright, its easy to make an allegation and hard to disprove it (seems to be a guilty until proven innocent situation).