cavanman2015
Registered User
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- 24
I'm just wondering if other's on askaboutmoney could provide me with some help / advice on a very difficult situation.
I'll just set out the situation first
Background
Non Resident Parent (Dad)
Judicially Seperated 1 year, staying with relatives, have now just acquired my own rental property after plenty of difficulty due to housing crisis. 4 Kids aged 14 ,13 (secondary school), 10 & 5 (primary school). Relations unfortunately very poor with ex wife and constant hostility directed at me.
Seperation agreement states parents will agree own schedule of access once I acquire a house & in the event that a schedule of access cannot be agreed, default schedule is every second weekend 2 nights Saturday PM to Monday AM and overnight Wednesday on week that I do not have kids. States that this comes into force once I have acquired my own base (ie now)
Current state of Play
Former wife refusing to discuss or agree a schedule of access. Kids have only spent 2 single overnights in house which is nearby to former family home.
Current longstanding pattern up to this whilst with relatives was that I have kids 3 hours on weeknight and 3-4 hours on either sat or sunday afternoon, no schedule, usually get yeh or nay 24 hours before by text or sometimes same day ,after several preceding days of texts as to when I can have.
Paying substantial maintenance in full & 100% on time
So I have no idea from week to week when I will have kids. Various reasons are being invoked like kids dont want to go with you (unfortunately true for 2/4 kids, no particular reason, just could not be bothered), various faults with my parenting, "I'm not suddenly jumping to your tune", "i do shift work and I don't know in advance when I will be working at weekends until shortly before", "its too complicated with 4 to have any schedule", "kids dont want to go", "kids have x/y/z on"
To summarise, ex wife not recognising my new circumstances, still operating temporary arrangements pending me getting own base, constantly keeping me dangling until last moment as to access, no advance schedule, relationship with kids sliding, says we don't need a schedule and happy to continue ad hoc last minute arrangements based around what kids are doing that particular weekend.
What Do I Do
1. Keep going with this for another 2-3 months and hope things improve / first demand enforcement in writing of default cant reach agreement access schedule as per judicial seperation, then go legal
2. Commence a court case myself now having first got legal advice (I feel able to represent myself as I feel the circumstance of the case are clear at least to me, I have the forms already) & seek access order
3. Seek mediation / parenting course (expect wont co-operate)
4. Other ideas?
Just to add there are no arrangements for Christmas...
Thank you in advance for any advice or ideas
I'll just set out the situation first
Background
Non Resident Parent (Dad)
Judicially Seperated 1 year, staying with relatives, have now just acquired my own rental property after plenty of difficulty due to housing crisis. 4 Kids aged 14 ,13 (secondary school), 10 & 5 (primary school). Relations unfortunately very poor with ex wife and constant hostility directed at me.
Seperation agreement states parents will agree own schedule of access once I acquire a house & in the event that a schedule of access cannot be agreed, default schedule is every second weekend 2 nights Saturday PM to Monday AM and overnight Wednesday on week that I do not have kids. States that this comes into force once I have acquired my own base (ie now)
Current state of Play
Former wife refusing to discuss or agree a schedule of access. Kids have only spent 2 single overnights in house which is nearby to former family home.
Current longstanding pattern up to this whilst with relatives was that I have kids 3 hours on weeknight and 3-4 hours on either sat or sunday afternoon, no schedule, usually get yeh or nay 24 hours before by text or sometimes same day ,after several preceding days of texts as to when I can have.
Paying substantial maintenance in full & 100% on time
So I have no idea from week to week when I will have kids. Various reasons are being invoked like kids dont want to go with you (unfortunately true for 2/4 kids, no particular reason, just could not be bothered), various faults with my parenting, "I'm not suddenly jumping to your tune", "i do shift work and I don't know in advance when I will be working at weekends until shortly before", "its too complicated with 4 to have any schedule", "kids dont want to go", "kids have x/y/z on"
To summarise, ex wife not recognising my new circumstances, still operating temporary arrangements pending me getting own base, constantly keeping me dangling until last moment as to access, no advance schedule, relationship with kids sliding, says we don't need a schedule and happy to continue ad hoc last minute arrangements based around what kids are doing that particular weekend.
What Do I Do
1. Keep going with this for another 2-3 months and hope things improve / first demand enforcement in writing of default cant reach agreement access schedule as per judicial seperation, then go legal
2. Commence a court case myself now having first got legal advice (I feel able to represent myself as I feel the circumstance of the case are clear at least to me, I have the forms already) & seek access order
3. Seek mediation / parenting course (expect wont co-operate)
4. Other ideas?
Just to add there are no arrangements for Christmas...
Thank you in advance for any advice or ideas