I have done that. But no information has been returned.Why not ask your former wife what the plan is to collect the older boy?
You are completely correct. There are other issues. But that aside; your suggesting that I neglect my duties as a parent.My deduction is that there's other issues going on here between you as you are both clearly not communicating successfully.
Get that resolved first and leave the children out of it.
A parent is perfectly entitled to allow a child stay over with friends and have others collect them from school, camp, etc.. What is your custody arrangement? Is there an agreement in place governing when the children stay with you?My son is 13. Legally, what is my position. If she isn't collecting him from scouts when they return home, am I legally entitled to do so because at present I do not know who will be collecting my son nor where and with whom he'll be staying.
My first duty as a parent is to protect and care for my children, not to maintain a relationship with their mum. That is a secondary duty, though an important one; yet one I've tried and been unable to fulfill.Your first duty as a parent is to maintain a relationship with your children's other parent; and by that I don't mean to stay married, I mean to maintain a civil, respectful and courteous relationship so that you can effectively raise your children.
You know an arrangement has been made in regards to your older child; I would 100% agree that you have a right to be involved in the discussion on this arrangement. But the fact is that hasn't happened.
So you, and your former wife, need to sort out your communication issues and not use the children in these battles.
You know, albeit in a backdoor fashion (which I don't approve of), that your older child will stay with family friends.
I don't see any neglect issue here. I see two adults who aren't behaving like adults.
There is a specific mention in the agreement that mentions that in the event my ex is unable to provide primary care for the children, that she is to discuss with me and allow me to care for the children.A parent is perfectly entitled to allow a child stay over with friends and have others collect them from school, camp, etc.. What is your custody arrangement? Is there an agreement in place governing when the children stay with you?
Turning up without prior agreement to collect the child and prevent them staying with friends could have repercussions for you legally and in your relationship with the ex and more importantly your son.
Agreed. And I have already said so...so should have discussed with me.
1st duty as a parent is your kids welfareYour first duty as a parent is to maintain a relationship with your children's other parent;
And you achieve that by maintaining a relationship with your child's other parent.1st duty as a parent is your kids welfare
Amazingly wise words. Thanks for this considered response. I've since spoken to my other half who has said to text my son saying I hope he has a great time and if he needs anything over the next few days, just to give me a shout.I think this is where two things might be useful for you 1. take a really deep breath and 2. try and consider this from your son's point of view.
In an ideal world - wouldn't it be great if we lived in one of those - your son's mother would have discussed this with you and between you both a suitable arrangement might have been reached. But and its a big but, that's not the space you are in unfortunately.
So consider this from your son's point of view. He's having a ball (hopefully) at camp and is looking forward to spending time with his friend but camp finishes and Dad is there to collect him telling him he's going to have a great time with Dad for the week. How do you think he'll react and how will that reaction whether expressed or internal ultimately effect his relationship with you?
Like Clubman I've been there, and I can tell you 13 is a very tough age. No matter how you try and shield them from the ugliness of a breakup they see so much more than you think. So I'm going to suggest you consider an alternative:
Leave things as already arranged, when you do see your son be positive about him getting to spend time with his friend, engage with him about what he has done and be positive. Trust me when I say that is what he'll remember. I'd put money on it he's dreading upsetting you, getting mam in trouble, getting you in trouble, upsetting Mam and god knows what else. So make it easy on him.
Post holiday you need to consider communication with his mam going forward and I speak from a very similar position to you. I would highly recommend you consider a co-parenting course. Both I and my kids dad were advised to do one, he refused but I did it anyway and I'm really glad I did. It doesn't solve situations like your current one but its does help you refocus your mind to what you can do and ultimately vastly improves your relationship with your children. It also helps you deal with the other parent in a manner that takes all the heat and fight out of the situation. Its very hard for anyone to continue a fight when one of the two people refuses to engage in fighting.
And that deep breath, its helps, don't make knee jerk decisions, take time and a step back from the situation and pick what makes things easier for your child. It may seem "unfair" or "one-sided" but trust me your kids will respect how you have behaved - they do eventually turn into adults and will understand so much better what and why you have acted as you have
Your ex has care provided for, the clauses around being unable to provide care are to cover what happens if one parent is sick or incapacitated and can't arrange a suitable alternative.There is a specific mention in the agreement that mentions that in the event my ex is unable to provide primary care for the children, that she is to discuss with me and allow me to care for the children.
The difference with this and a sleep over is that (in my view) whilst on holidays, my ex is unable to provide primary care so should have discussed with me.
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