Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroom?

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banbha

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Hi All,
My daughter's dad is taking me to court to change our access agreement. He married last year and now basically wants to fix the days he sees her, no exceptions. I want to keep it flexible so that she can still go to sleepovers, play dates etc. (she is an only child) which mainly happen on Fridays, one of the days he wants to fix. It is important to note also that the flexibility extends to him too as we used to discuss what his plans for the weekend/coming weeks were, so that if he had a night out planned, or was going away, she would stay with me and go to him a different night.
I have no real family court experience so don't know what to expect in the courtroom, or how to prepare myself for it. Do we give evidence? Do we even speak?
Any and all advice welcome. I just want to get out the other side of this with what's best for my daughter.
Thanks for any help.
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

The judge will more likely look more at your daughters welfare than the fathers convenience, and is unlikely to rule for such an inflexible arrangement. The court generally wants flexibility in the arrangements to ensure that things like sleepovers can happen, and to allow for changing circumstances. They don't want to be back in court again and again on the same case if at all possible. The court will also have regard for his current family circumstances

However, you will have to accept that as he's married now he has other commitments, so things may not be as flexible in the future as they appear to have been up to now. Is it possible that you could arrange something between you that is acceptable to both? Maybe a generally fixed arrangement, with some flexibility built in. It avoids the pent up emotion inherent in such a court date. The big loser, whatever the result, is your daughter, who sees the two of you fighting it out.

As for attending court,

  • It's a family case and held "in camera", so everyone else will be asked to leave, unless they have business to be there.
  • Dress well
  • Address the judge as "Judge" (i.e. Yes Judge etc)
  • You may be asked to give evidence, or for your views. Speak clearly, don't get too emotional, and be truthful.
  • Don't even consider interrupting the father if he's giving evidence and you think it's not true. Let your representation know and s/he will raise it in the appropriate manner.
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

Thanks for your reply j26.

So far luckily I have been able to keep my daughter in the dark about the conflict, and the plan is if she finds out about the court date to just explain that we are going there to make her father a legal guardian and tell her what a positive thing that is.

We don't plan any Jerry Springer type antics either! It would be nice though to explain that my objections to the fixed arrangements only include Fridays as that is normally the day when sleepovers happen and to date her father hasn't really accommodated them (he cancelled a previously arranged one recently). I suggested mediation to him again the day before yesterday so that we could come to some sort of compromise like the fixed but flexible arrangement you mention, but have had no response so he seems set on having his day in court. It seems such a terrible shame really. We managed to be parents together for 11 years and now it has all broken down.

On the subject of the marriage, I'm getting married myself and can't imagine wanting to put my daughter into some kind of 'time window' because of my relationship, but I guess we all approach family life differently. (And the father was gone long before I gave birth so don't think there are any torches being held!)

On a final note, the communication so far seems to indicated that he would like to have an extra night with her weekly. I don't have any objection to that in principle - but I'm not sure how my daughter will/would feel about it. Does she get a say at any point in the proceedings? Like I say - I am happy for them to see as much of each other as they want to, and he has always been a great dad. I'd just like my daughter to feel like she has some say in her own life if it does come to a judge making a decision for us.
Thank you again for your help j26.
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

j26 has hit the nail on the head , what he explains is fact.
the main thing is speak when spoken to , and when any one askes you a question always address your answers to the judge not back to who asked it. it is hard to do but the hudge respects you for this and it is the correct format.
do not engage in rows with your former partner. speak clearly and do not say stuff unless they are fact .
i have seen couples who say he drinks and drives and has no car seat etc ....
just be honest you seem to be well prepared so you'll be fine
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

If she's 11, her views will most likely be important. The judge will not impose a custody arrangement on a child so old without finding out what the child wants - kids have a tendency to run away or behave very badly if something is imposed on them.

Be aware that there may not be a decision on the court date. The judge may decide to adjourn to hear your daughters views.
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

Very important that your daughters views are heard and the future thought of. At 11 its possible that in the next 5 or 6 years she might want a part time job that interferes with strict weekend arrangements.

I worked with a young girl who was in the same position, her father had insisted in strict unflexible access, she loved her father, wanted to see him but wanted the part time job to have a few bob for herself - she bitterly resented the strict access and was made to feel 'different' because she had to be allowed go off at 2pm on a saturday to meet her father and could not work friday nights.
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

"We managed to be parents together for 11 years and now it has all broken down"....

"And the father was gone long before I gave birth ..."

Don't think the daughter is 11, the impression from the OP is much younger.
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

Thank you all for your help.
We are going to sit down this weekend and think carefully about what it is we are hoping to achieve and why so that we can be clear when we get to court. I have felt hurt sometimes that things have come to this, but I want to make sure that I don't end up just being spiteful for the sake of it. Ultimately I don't mind what the arrangements are as long as my daughter is happy and secure and knows she has two parents who love her and get along.
Deep breaths eh!
Any other advice on what to bring to show that Friday is the social activities day would be gratefully received. I'll post how we get along on the day in case it will help anyone in the future.
Thanks
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression about her age/the situation. She was born in 1998 - he left when I was 3 months pregnant, came back into the picture when she was born, disappeared again when she was about 5 months, but has been in regular contact with her since she was about 10 months old. (After taking me to court saying I was denying him access... which wasn't true). We sorted out all issues before we went to court that time, but this time it seems he is determined to go before the judge. Anyway, the past is another country - is that what they say?!
 
Re: Daughters dad taking me to court to restrict his access, what happens in courtroo

I'm not sure if this would have any relevance to your case -
Apparently the views of the child are taken into account once they are seven or over.

I only learnt this recently when my sister and her fiancee enquired about him adoptong her son once they are married, so the age seven or over may apply in your case, I'm not sure. Might be worth asking your daughter about what she would like.
 
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