Court Summons, driving without due care & attention

Purple

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Guys your generosity knows no bounds! But beware. If his Judgeship proves immune to the eloquence of Rumpole's pleadings, I may get the literal chop and thereafter serve no purpose other than pushing up nettles, thistles and brambles; no daisies for me, I'd be too angry! :) I'll do my own ghost-writing and any few quid gathered can be used for feeding the doggies and drinking to my continued fight from the far bank of the Styx.
You may be "Sainted" and have your head put on display in a Church. Your knucklebones will do world tours; the veneration of St. Mathepac the eloquent.
 

mathepac

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Thanks @Purple, confirmation of life after losing the head. There are those who would argue that a reliquary large enough to house me bonce would break all planning and elf & safety laws and that my knuckle-bones wouldn't survive a world tour given they've been dragging so long.
 

Leper

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Terrific Thread! I'm enjoying it no end. But, down the line Mathepac will face the judge, garda, witness(es), legal people and even if the case gets dismissed or even cancelled Mathepac will come out of this with at least a hefty bill.

Now, why didn't I study Law?
 

mathepac

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@MugsGame that'll be announced in Budget 2022, this is the experimental phase. One man, in my case, 14 or 15 jobs. Judge, jury, DPP, court clerk, witness for the prosecution and executioner, the savings to be used to create more SuperJunior ministerial jobs and to pay their advisors.
 

mathepac

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even if the case gets dismissed or even cancelled Mathepac will come out of this with at least a hefty bill.
Jeeze, yer wreckin' me buzz man, just as I was settlin' into the life of a notorious criminal. Too late to apply for legal aid I suppose?
Now, why didn't I study Law?
Can ya study quick like, I might have a job for ya, mate's rates righ'?
 

Purple

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10,198
@MugsGame that'll be announced in Budget 2022, this is the experimental phase. One man, in my case, 14 or 15 jobs. Judge, jury, DPP, court clerk, witness for the prosecution and executioner, the savings to be used to create more SuperJunior ministerial jobs and to pay their advisors.
There must be a contributor to AAM who will take your place on the Block. Who wouldn't want to say the "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known" line?
 

mathepac

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Also bearing in mind that the Kardashins are finishing up lots of folk might be interested in the mini series progressing on to a new show that includes the exhausting life of two guard dogs
Thanks for the suggestion @Sue Ellen but only Mason the Rottie has the bum to replace yer wan, if and it's a big if, someone can keep him awake long enough! Neither me nor his tiny sister meet the main criterion.
 

mathepac

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An email from Rumpole arrived yesterday, expressing the hope that no witnesses show in court in November, "no witness = no case", to paraphrase his comments. I was disappointed to read this as it means that our elaborate and detailed technical defence won't see the light of day if we have no case to answer.

Anyone need a 2-hour forensic, multi-media presentation, defending irrational road-traffic act allegations against them or should I just auction it on flea-bay?
 
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