Children being invited to weddings

Ron Burgundy said:
Come 1.30 in the morning the floor was full with guests from 3 to 73 and thats the way we wanted it. But it is a personal choice and people should just respect the couple and how they want their day.
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This really sums it up - it's which ever way the couple want their day.

In my opinion, the whole 'sharing with family' concept is ok but where do you draw the line? I have a couple of friends who have been my surrogate family for years. They have four children and even though I love them (the children) dearly, I don't want them at my wedding because I know how they'd behave. I also think it's unfair not to invite close friends' children if you invite family children because in reality, a lot of people have friends closer to them than their actual family. Then if you invite close friends' children and you don't invite less close friends' children.... it's a vicious circle.

That's why we felt that the same rules for everyone is the simplest and fairest way to go about it and so far we had no one complain. We may be lucky that a lot of our friends look forward to the day of child-free fun and frolicks.
 
I've worked at over 1000 weddings and can say if they couple aren't happy, whats the point ???

Are they having this day to make others happy or to ask others help them celebrate their day ??
 
If it is a friend wedding, I don't mind if my kids are not invited but if it is a family wedding, I would be upset if they are not invited because the kids are part of their family as well, friends not!!!
 
I suppose it's ok to be in the company of drunken relatives then ..?
 
Ron Burgundy said:
Are they having this day to make others happy or to ask others help them celebrate their day ??
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This is a really interesting point. I think a lot of times it ends up being the former, unfortunately. I'm probably going to get married in the next few year to my long term boyfriend and we have already talked about having a very small wedding abroad - I know if the wedding was here (in Ireland)that I would be "required" to invite family members who I don't get on with and rarely see. And that his mother would want to be heavily involved in the organisation to the point of it being easier to give in to her than do it the way I want ( - based on info given my boyfriends two sisters in law).
I once said to my sister that I wouldn't want a sit down dinner at my wedding, that I would prefer a barbeque or something similar, and she said I could forget about getting a €100 "present" from her as this was cheap...not sure if she was joking!! And that's the next thing - I hate the obligatory cash presents that have become part of wedding culture. I know they are a necessary evil and are practical but I think they really cheapen the day.
 
Samantha said:
If it is a friend wedding, I don't mind if my kids are not invited but if it is a family wedding, I would be upset if they are not invited because the kids are part of their family as well, friends not!!!
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I think that this is a bit unfair and really depends on the bride and groom and their relationship with their families, their relationship with the children and their budget. I can only speak for myself (even though I am sure that I am not the only one) but my wedding is for my husband and me and then family and friends, although I'd put a good few of my friends before some of my non-immediate family any day of the week.

DeeFox said:
This is a really interesting point. I think a lot of times it ends up being the former, unfortunately. I'm probably going to get married in the next few year to my long term boyfriend and we have already talked about having a very small wedding abroad - I know if the wedding was here (in Ireland)that I would be "required" to invite family members who I don't get on with and rarely see. And that his mother would want to be heavily involved in the organisation to the point of it being easier to give in to her than do it the way I want ( - based on info given my boyfriends two sisters in law).
I once said to my sister that I wouldn't want a sit down dinner at my wedding, that I would prefer a barbeque or something similar, and she said I could forget about getting a €100 "present" from her as this was cheap...not sure if she was joking!! And that's the next thing - I hate the obligatory cash presents that have become part of wedding culture. I know they are a necessary evil and are practical but I think they really cheapen the day.
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We are having a small wedding in Ireland with 80-ish invited guests. After the wedding ceremony we are having a sit-down meal (lunch) with immediate family and only a handful of closest friends. In the evening, we are having a big barbecue to which our remaining friends and distant relatives are invited. It isn't much cheaper than a sit-down meal for everyone but it's what we want and what really reflects our personalities. It's supposed to be fun for us and then for our guests. There were loads of comments about how to have a 'proper' wedding andd what you 'have to' have or do but we simply wouldn't budge. Oh, and the presents - we told everyone not to get us anything (including cash) as we have everything we want or need and there is no point giving us stuff that will be chucked into the attic never to be seen again.
 
DeeFox said:
Did anyone watch "Brides by Franc" on RTE on Sunday night? The couple getting married had 4 children and wanted a "child friendly" wedding. The best thing they did, I think, was to send all the kids off on a bus to a funfair while the dinner was going on. The cost of this wasn't discussed though but it would be interesting to know if the couple paid or if the parents all chipped in.
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Who supervised the kids at the funfair?
 
Complainer said:
Who supervised the kids at the funfair?
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I don't think it was made clear in the programme who supervised them - I imagine "volunteers" or babysitters were hired. I really like this programme but I think it's a pity they have dropped the discussion about budget at the start of each episode (which used to be done in previous series).
 
Weddings should be mainly children free events and pushy parents who think otherwise are deluded!! They only want to bring the kids along to show them off and bore everyone of tales about nurseries, schools and until recently the price of houses!!! Parts of this are meant in jest so please dont get offended....
 
DeeFox said:
I don't think it was made clear in the programme who supervised them - I imagine "volunteers" or babysitters were hired. I really like this programme but I think it's a pity they have dropped the discussion about budget at the start of each episode (which used to be done in previous series).
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As a parent, I'd be very cagey about sending off my child with unknown babysitters.
 
callaghanj said:
Weddings should be mainly children free events and pushy parents who think otherwise are deluded!! They only want to bring the kids along to show them off and bore everyone of tales about nurseries, schools and until recently the price of houses!!! Parts of this are meant in jest so please dont get offended....
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i think people get so wound up about this... its costs little to invite children, they don't need extra entertaining and the only thing i think guests hate (myself included) is when their parents bring them and expect someone else to mind them, you bring them then you know when they are flagging and need to be put to bed, when you need to say no to that drink incase you need to drive in an emergency etc. That said my own wedding was child friendly and its the one flowergirl that sold the show on the dancefloor, and no i didn't feel upstaged by her!

As for the OP -if its a family wedding and the people in question are not family just regular guests then its fair enough to invite the parents and not the children - as with all invites when you send them you run the risk of them being respectfully declined.
 
pennypitstop said:
i think people get so wound up about this... its costs little to invite children,
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Not necessarily so, many locations charge (ie the meal) the same, or nearly as much, per child as per adult. Also many locations have a capacity so by inviting the children of a colleague you cant invite friends you'd like to have attend.

One thing to bare in mind is that in Europe most children attend weddings so if you send an invite to Mr. and Mrs. Smith from Spain they will most likely show up with their children even if the children arent named in the invitation.
 
pennypitstop said:
ithe only thing i think guests hate (myself included) is when their parents bring them and expect someone else to mind them, you bring them then you know when they are flagging and need to be put to bed, when you need to say no to that drink incase you need to drive in an emergency etc.

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The problem though is that if you invite all of your friends' kids there is bound to be at least one couple who let their children shout and scream in the church, run around the dining room tripping up the waitresses, and throw tantrums and bawl throughout the meal. Some parents just cannot realise that their children are not the centre of everyone else's universe and that not everyone is as besotted with them as they are. Other parents take the view that they're having a rare day out and they're 'entitled' to enjoy themselves without worrying about the effect their kids are having on other guests.

In any event, the real point is that its the bride and groom's special day, they are footing the bill and it should be entirely up to them whether they want a child free wedding, nieces and nephews only, no kids under 12 or whatever. People, in my view, have no right to throw hissy fits because their children haven't been invited, or to try and put a gun to the bride or groom's head and force their children to be invited whether they're welcome or not. That is just plain rude and brass necked in my opinion.
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liaconn said:
pennypitstop said:
ithe only thing i think guests hate (myself included) is when their parents bring them and expect someone else to mind them, you bring them then you know when they are flagging and need to be put to bed, when you need to say no to that drink incase you need to drive in an emergency etc.

quote]

The problem though is that if you invite all of your friends' kids there is bound to be at least one couple who let their children shout and scream in the church, run around the dining room tripping up the waitresses, and throw tantrums and bawl throughout the meal. Some parents just cannot realise that their children are not the centre of everyone else's universe and that not everyone is as besotted with them as they are. Other parents take the view that they're having a rare day out and they're 'entitled' to enjoy themselves without worrying about the effect their kids are having on other guests.

In any event, the real point is that its the bride and groom's special day, they are footing the bill and it should be entirely up to them whether they want a child free wedding, nieces and nephews only, no kids under 12 or whatever. People, in my view, have no right to throw hissy fits because their children haven't been invited, or to try and put a gun to the bride or groom's head and force their children to be invited whether they're welcome or not. That is just plain rude and brass necked in my opinion.
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Couldn't agree more!
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Niallers said:
I suppose it's ok to be in the company of drunken relatives then ..?
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Let's assume for a second that a wedding is not actually just a reason to turn into a drunken relative and flip this question on its head for a moment - is it considered OK for adults to get themselves into such a state that they are embarassed or unwilling to be seen in front of children at a social event ? Never mind the story at 0300 when you wouldn't expect children to be around, what about during the dinner and afterwards in the early evening ? Is it OK to be so stocious that you don't want children to see you like that ?

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Well, my colleague has now decided magnanimously to go to the wedding and leave the children with her parents for the day. She has, however, commented that she hopes her friend won't be so 'anti-children' when she has some of her own.

Mind you, she's one of those annoying people who's always using her kids to get her own way at work; 'I need to take my holidays in July...' 'I can't stay late..' 'I can't be expected to do this, that and the other...'
 
We didn't want to have loads of children at our wedding. Neither of us have nieces or nephews so that wasn't an issue. We had 2 pageboys, who came from California along with their 12 month old sister. Their parents (good friends of ours) asked if they could bring a friend to the wedding to act as babysitter. We agreed of course (they did come half way round the world for our wedding!) and she looked after the three kids when it was bedtime leaving the mom and dad to party with us.

The only other kids that we could have had were my cousins (my uncle is considerably younger than the rest of his family so his kids (4) were 5-10 at the time). We discussed with my uncle whether or not he wanted them to come. As there were no other kids they decided they would be bored and would be better off at home. We included them in the invite anyway as I didn't want to insult my cousins, but them not coming was the right thing to do.

It's horses for courses, but I do agree it's up to the bride and groom to invite who they want to and if that's no kids, nobody has the right to dictate otherwise.
 
The people who make a huge fuss about bringing their kids to a wedding are ALWAYS the ones with nightmare children. Fact of life.
 
Myself and himself are getting married this year in the registry office and just having 12/14 people off to a restaurant afterwards.

We have requested that his siblings do not bring their children. This has resulted in loads of moaning but the bottom line for us is this:

Its our day, we want our small group to enjoy themselves and we know for sure that his mammy will feel she 'has' to keep an eye on and pander to the kids at every turn, so we'd rather keep it child free.

Personally I feel that any event where people may be drinking copious amounts of alcohol (Im referring to 'normal' wedding receptions here) is not an appropriate venue for children anyway and there is usually a lot of screaming/crying/falls/knocking drinks over/sick child from too much goodies etc....
 
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