Children being invited to weddings

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liaconn

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Just interested in getting people's view on the following:

A colleague of mine has been invited to an old friend's wedding and is highly insulted that her two kids (aged 5 and 8) haven't been included in the invitation, just herself and her husband. She has actually said this to her friend who has explained that the only children being invited are the older nieces and nephews of herself and the groom. My colleague is still taking umbrage and threatening not to go to the wedding at all. I think she's being really rude and unreasonable. However, a couple of other people at work are agreeing with her and saying things like "you should be either invited as a family or not at all". Am I out of step here, or are these people being absolutely ridiculous?
 
liaconn said:
Am I out of step here, or are these people being absolutely ridiculous?
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Well if you're out of step then I am too.

I haven't been to that many weddings but it's been a roughly even split with regard to 'the family' attending or the parents only.

'The family or not at all' is a totally over the top stance IMO.

I don't think it's unusual at all for children not to be invited - if they are babies or very young - fair enough obviously, but where does it end? Are the kids aged 16, 18, 25...expected to always be invited too?

I suspect in some of these cases the parents are annoyed because they won't be able to get babysitters (the usual candidates maybe at said wedding) rather than annoyed in principle, that their children weren't invited.

Edit: The only kids at my own wedding BTW were nieces/nephews.
 

It's up to the bride and groom who they want to invite so I would respect their wishes and not bring the kids - if this doesn't suit, nobody is forcing the them to go.
 

This is down to a cost issue, most couples have cut their guest lists down and left a lot of people out as a result, why should they have to invite kids to the wedding which would add further cost and in my experience the kids are bored and as a result going around annoying everybody else. Nope, you are not out of step, your friend is way off the mark here!
 
On the face of it I think your colleague is off the wall. I can't think of any circumstances where it is appropriate for a guest to tell their hosts who they must invite. However, if the wedding is in a remote hotel somewhere and guests are making a weekend out of it, then the parents may feel they don't want to leave their children for that period of time. That said, the choice is theirs as to whether they go or not, and I think it is incredibly rude of your colleague to try to push the bride on the issue. I bet the bride is sorry for issuing the invitation in the first place.

I found this amusing quote which clarifies the situation from an etiquette point of view: "Judith Martin, in Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, says that hosts should stand firm, and not let their guests pressure them into allowing uninvited children to attend. "Miss Manners feels like weeping when she hears of how rudely people attempt to impose on those whose only crime is to invite them to a wedding." Miss Manners is funny. She says, "Do not listen to the pleas of parents claiming that umbilical cords have not yet been broken at any social event; these are the very parents who will permit their children to whine during the ceremony."
 
Some friend. If everyone attending the wedding adopted that view then it would cost an arm and a leg and could possibly land up with more children than adults. Weddings are costly enough these days without this type of selfishness. They probably just don't want the cost of childminder.
 
I think that the Bride, by now, should have said to your colleague, "Sorry that you can't make it. We'll cross you off the list so."

Your colleague is out of order big time!
 
Your colleague must of never been dragged to any event as a child, or she wouldn't be so upset. I've lost count of the number of times i was taken along to this that and the other and was bored out of my head, each and every time. Unless it was very close friends or family i would choose not to bring my children.

If their wishes are that no children are allowed then your colleague either finds someone to mind the kids and then enjoy the day or send their apologies that they will not be able to attend. After all it's not her day.
 
I agree with Ancutza. We operated a no kids policy at our wedding and one or two noses were very much out of joint. We got the same "we mightn't go" threats with a few intercessions on people's behalf etc., but we stuck to our guns. One couple didn't come as a result. We left them off and I think they still regret it.

Liaconn, I think your colleague is being most unreasonable. It's the couples day, end of story. I'm wondering if your colleague had her mother living with her at home, would your work colleagues demand she be invited as well, arguing that she's family also?
 
Mt brother got married a little while ago and there were a few younger ones invites but it was nieces and nepjews only.

I do know someone who took exception when her 5 kids weren't on the invite and was insisting that she was going to bring them anyway- she was talked out of it in the end. I do suspect it was a childminding issue.

A cousin of mine allowed children and provided a meal of chips and sausages etc for them at about 4 or 5pm (there was about 50 of them). The children were then collected at about 7.

I thought it was a nice gesture as orgainisng a babysitter was easier after this time and the kids still had a bit of a day out.
 
Isn't it unbelievable how palin rude some people can be. The bride and groom are issuing the invitations so how can anybody expect to dictate who should be invited.
Surely when a wedding invitation is received the only decision to be made is "To go or not to go". A polite reply is sent and that ends the matter.
A reply such as I don't think I'll go if my kids are not invited should be ignored
 
we had no children at our wedding although the other half's mother insisted on his cousins being allowed bring their kids to the church as it is a public building and we'd have no way of stopping them apparently. They had a baby sitter at the hotel. Others thanked us for not inviting their children, one couple having their first day out without the kids in 10 years.
 

What the.... they probably brought the place down. Did the marrying couple know that? I could just image the bride and groom visiting the table of said couple. 'Oh thanks for inviting us to your wedding, this is the first time we've been out over the last ten years, what with the kids an all'. I say the married couple must have got a bit of a shock. Lols.
 
I was just speaking to my sister earlier on and she was telling me that a mutual friend of ours has the same problem. His brother is getting married next year and his 3 children have not been invited. The issue here is that the children of another brother have. The difference being the children who are invited are all teenagers, whereby our friends children are 8, 6 and 3.

Our friend's wife is apparently "heartbroken" because her 3 are being snubbed and is now thinking of not going. Personally, I think there might be method in the couples madness because I recall at my sisters wedding this couple were drunk as skunks by 3 o'clock and made a bit of a show of themselves.
 
weddings are no place for children.

when we got married we had no children invited but one decent relative sent back her correspondence with her hisbands name crossed of and replaced by her 2 year old sons. we were fumin but thank good she was sick and ended up not going.


since then we have been to about 10 weddings and our children we never invited. for 2 close family weddings we were asked if we wanted to bring them and we said no.

we have 3 kids aged 10, 4 and 2.
 

it was my wedding, they had been to weddings before, but with the kids coming along. they had a ball!
 
When Mr Bubbly and I got married our two kids were there as were a number of others. Our table for ten had all the children at it (and our youngest in the pushchair). We were happy to have children there and enjoyed having them sit with us, their parents enjoyed themselves at the "grown up" tables.

A couple of years ago we were invited as a family to a friends wedding in Australia. We planned to make a three week trip of it and then the bride called and said she couldn't bare the thought of another couples children (also travelling from Europe) causing distruption so she was banning ALL children from the wedding to make it easier to say "no" to the other family.

Now, admittedly I could see where she was coming from but the other children were 5 and 4 with parents who thought they were entitled to free expression. My two were 8 and 15 and knew fine well how to behave.

In the end we said thank you for the invite but we won't be able to attend. Since we were only going there for the wedding and building a holiday around it we changed our plans and had a nice family holiday elsewhere.

I wasn't being stubborn or anything, the bride was entitled to invite (or dis-invite) as she saw fit and she did explain why she had come to this decision. Knowing everyone involved I did understand but as good natured as my children are, I wasn't going to tell them their invite had been withdrawn.
 
People who carry on like this about their children are the same people who when they didn't have children had no interest in children , but now they have them , we're all supposed to love their children and usually put up their obnoxious behaviour. Surely a venue where alcohol is provided and imbibed freely as is the case with Irish weddings is not a suitable venue for children. Those guests are just being selfish and most likely have horrible kids that nobody will babysit. Most parents love an occasional day off from parenting and it's not difficult to get babysitters if you pay them well and your offspring are civilised!
 
And sorry, forgot to add this, if it is difficult to get a babysitter for reasons such as location, time etc., well tough!!! That's the price you pay when you have kids, you can't do what you like, when you like and they're your kids! But why should the rest of us have to put up with them the one day that we get married!!!
 
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