Childminder lost temper

[elainem]

Hi! everyone,

Just wondering what you would do in similar situation.

My childminder was minding my sick daugher aged 7 (she had a bad headache and came home from school early at 1.30 pm) on Friday last, and her brother aged 5.5 years. When I came home from work on a break, I discovered that my son had cellulitis on his arm from a four in one vaccine the day before. The G.P. surgery was closed, and they were going away with their Dad for the weekend, so I rang the local paediatric dept and they said to bring him over.

In the car on the way over, my daughter who was a bit whingy said that the childminder turned around to her, shook her fist at her in the car, shouted at her calling her a brat for 'forgetting her coat' and told her she did not want to hear one more word out of her. My son confirmed this, and has even imitated how the childminder acted.

I know she was having a bad time herself, really painful monthlies, and desperately trying to get pregnant herself. However, I'm really concerned about this, and now the children don't want to stay with her tomorrow when I am working.

I'm actually thinking of giving up work now - have some income from family business, maintenance from their dad for the children, and no mortgage, as I find childminding a bit of a disaster. In 2 years have had just one really good childminder, an aupair from Austria who was just with us for the last summer. Previously, I had a childminder bringing my children to all her friends houses when they were supposed to be in my house, and not answering her phone when I rang.

Another childminder brough the kids to a local park where there is a lot of drug dealing after I had told her not to go there - there is another park in the town. She told my daughter not to tell me, and when my son told me, my daughter was distraught. Then had an au pair who was good with the children, but money went missing regularly and also cards, and now this. Any advice appreciated.

 

[sparkeee]

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.

 

[television]

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.

Not very understanding are you?? The lady does nto want a lesson in childminding. Or a patronising lesson. She wants empathy and a solution.

 

[chrisboy]

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.

Wow.. Seriously out of date...

 

[television]

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.

Are you the ex husband maybe? Although that sounds like something a self satisfied stay at home mum would say.

 

[lemonhead]

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.

Probably provocative, but maybe quite sad...if you're serious

 

[truthseeker]

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.

The OP is not looking for a patronising opinion on how she raises her children - she is looking for a solution to a childminder who lost her temper.

OP - I would definitely address this to the childminder. While I would think its ok for her to discipline your children she should not be calling your daughter names, or shaking her fist at her. I wouldnt be bothered by the not wanting to hear another word out of her bit, if your daughter was playing up thats pretty mild. But the name calling and fist shaking is not good.

How are you finding the childminders? Are you getting references?
Its like anything else really, its difficult to find someone you trust and who is good at the job. Do you employ a trial period? Could you go through an agency that provide references for staff they have had with them a long time?

 

[Silvergirl]

Were the kids playing up to your horrified reaction to their story? I think you should give the baby sitter a quick ring to have a chat about what happened and hear her side. She may admit to loosing it with your daughter when she was whining, but it's best to get both sides. What's your general gut feeling up to this about this woman, is this the only time she has ever lost it? It's not like she hit the child, but it's no harm to let her know the kids were upset. Different people have different boundaries, don't give up an otherwise good sitter too quickly and likewise with your job!

HTH

 

[Speedwell]

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.

Are you serious??

Anyway OP I second what Silvergirl has said. Speak with the childminder in question and hear it from her.

As Silvergirl has said you will know from your gut if she has the best interests of the children at heart. If she says that she is sorry and that is a one off will you give her another chance? I reckon you will know yourself what you will do when you hear her what she has to say.

 

[DavyJones]

I would try and put myself in the position of the nanny. The kids, that she probably adores, were annoying her and she told them off, maybe a little too harshly but no more harshly than you would have I bet.

She didn't beat them, so not a big deal in my eyes, I would however let her know that there are no secrets between child and parent.

BTW, Where are you getting your childminders from? are they qualified professionals?

 

[Purple]

i find it difficult to understand why people have children if they are unable to stay at home to mind them.Being with the children through their early years forms a beautiful bond.I feel the children with absent parents are missing out.Perhaps the best and safest option would be to bring up your own children.

Not all families have both parents and of those that do many cannot afford to live on one income. Those parent s may be of the opinion that teaching their children the value of providing for yourself rather than sponging off others is a very valuable life lesson, one which will ultimately stand them in good stead.

 

[Bubbly Scot]

I would try and put myself in the position of the nanny. The kids, that she probably adores, were annoying her and she told them off, maybe a little too harshly but no more harshly than you would have I bet.

She didn't beat them, so not a big deal in my eyes, I would however let her know that there are no secrets between child and parent.

Have to agree with this. We all get annoyed and wound up sometimes and it does no harm to let a child know when they have crossed a line. Definatly would advise you talk to the minder because if everything else is fine, these issues might be sorted over a calm chat.

I wouldn't allow someone to encourage my children to keep secrets so that would be something I would bring up.

It's hard, I know. My youngest is ten and I've had to work recently in the evenings and weekends. Even though she's at home with her dad I still feel torn sometimes. There's times too when he and I don't agree with the others approach (he thinks I'm too soft, I think he's too tough, sort of things) but since each of us agree on the basics, no hitting, swearing etc. we sometimes muddle through. I imagine I would have to work things out with a minder as well.

Good luck, I hope you manage to work it through.

 

[elainem]

Thanks everyone. Think I will defintely give her a call tomorrow am. Maybe if it is a one off, she could explain it in some way to my daughter. Thanks agian.

 

[sparkeee]

why not chat face to face?

 

[sparkeee]

my mother stayed at home and looked after us,my father worked hard and provided,we formed a wonderful bond.Is this valueless nowadays,the reason we have children is to raise them in our mould or likeness,giving them to others to raise while we are out all day working is not a good example in my mind.Who knows what ethics or opinions are being formed in a childs mind.Children form their personalities from the people around them,a nanny shaking a fist will form an unwanted trait.Best to raise them personally the old fashioned out of date way.

 

[sparkeee]

Not very understanding are you?? The lady does nto want a lesson in childminding. Or a patronising lesson. She wants empathy and a solution.

I thought she wanted opinions on the situation?

 

[sparkeee]

Are you the ex husband maybe? Although that sounds like something a self satisfied stay at home mum would say.

No not the ex hubby and maybe a stay at home mum has good reason to be satisfied.

 

[sparkeee]

Wow.. Seriously out of date...

why out of date,it was the way i was raised,by my mother at home,isnt that what parenting is.What is the new upto date modern description of parenting?

 

[sparkeee]

Are you serious??

Anyway OP I second what Silvergirl has said. Speak with the childminder in question and hear it from her.

As Silvergirl has said you will know from your gut if she has the best interests of the children at heart. If she says that she is sorry and that is a one off will you give her another chance? I reckon you will know yourself what you will do when you hear her what she has to say.

Quite serious,if your unsure of the mental state of the people caring for your children the safest option is to parent them yourself.I am totally of the opinion that a child is best raised by the parents,why is this so incredulous to people am i the only one whos mother gave up a career and chose to have children,i love and respect her for her sacrifice.i work harder now because of it so as i may provide enough for my wife to do the same for my children.

 

[elainem]

Hi! Sparkee, the only problem is that I am a single parent, and if money goes from family business in these difficult times, then I am left with nothing. It costs money to raise children especially when you want to given them all the usual stuff, music lessons, swimming lesssons, extra lessons to help reading, karate lessons, dancing lessons - this stuff doesn't come cheap and is important for their confidence and general development - apart from the fact that they really enjoy these activities.