Being bullied at work but afraid to progress the matter for fear of losing job.

S

suzy123

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Hi im new to all this came across this website decided to post here so here it goes.

I'm being bullied by my supervisor at work who is picking on me over number topics. Nothing was ever mentioned to other people on the floor.

I contacted the union and forwarded emails and the union said that this is definitely a case of bullying and I should nip it in bud before it gets out of hand.

While i do agree im afraid of loosing my job as i have 2 kids and need income to keep a roof over there head do i keep going and ignore it and hopefully it will pass or bite the bullet and bring it futher?

Thanks in advance to any replies.
 
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suzy123 said:
Hi im new to all this came across this website decided to post here so here it gos, im being bullyed by my supervisor in work picking on me over number topics that other people on the floor notting was ever mentioned to them, i contacted the union forwarded emails and union said def is a case of bullying and i should nip it in bud before it gets out of hand. While i do agree im afraid of loosing my job as i have 2 kids and need income to keep a roof over there head do i keep going and ignore it and hopefully it will pass or bite the bullet and bring it futher? thanks in advance to any replys
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I find your post very hard to read.
 
You should ask for the union to help in fixing the problem. That's what you are paying your subs for.
 
It's a judgement call. Are you on a permanent contract? If not, then I would suggest you keep a written record of all incidents (record everything - as you would be surprised what you will forget later on). If the issue continues, you have a solid record of the problem to call on.

If you are on a permanent contract, then maybe it's worth airing your grievance....but only you can have a gut feeling as to how your employer will react to this - what it will mean for you. Think it through thoroughly before you reach a decision.


my 2 cents...FWIW.
 
Hi serotoninsid yes i am permanent what i was wondering is if i did bring it up to try stop it will it only cause me more trouble in the long run? was anyone in this situation before what was the outcome?
 
Before you record anything you should talk to the person who is "picking on you". If you do not tell someone that their behaviour is inappropriate then how are they to know? The conversatioon should use the I message - what is it they are doing, what effect is it having on your feelings. An example might be Can we have a chat about what happening. I feel that there are times when you (name the behaviour) and the effect this has is that it makes me feel...... I understand that as a manager you have a job to do however if I am the only person being asked about this what is that about?
 
I would agree with the above post. I was called to give evidence at a case that a co worker brought against another co worker for sexual harassment. At no point prior to upper management getting involved, did she go to the offending party and have a one on one conversation, where she told him that she found his behaviour inappropriate and offensive & that if it didn't stop, she would go to management about him. The offending party wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. He thought he was just being funny, one of the lads etc etc. If she had pointed out the error of his ways to him, I feel pretty sure he would have changed his behaviour without all the ugliness that then ensued.

Once he was confronted by upper management, he got very confrontational. He felt that he was blindsided by the whole thing and (stupidly) went out of his way to save face by telling lies, and getting his buddies involved to claim that his accuser was very fond of an off colour joke herself. It became a total "he said/she said" mess for everyone involved. He lost his job and rightly so. But she was ostracized (very unfairly imo) by the considerable amount of friends that he had in the company, not for what happened, but for how she handled it. A lot of that ugliness could have been averted by a simple conversation between the two parties involved at the very beginning. Try and engineer it that it happens on neutral territory (such as over lunch at the local pub) or on your turf. If the convo takes place in his office, he has all the power, which if he is the bullying kind, he will not hesitate to use to make you back down.

PS OP, is there any chance of you using the odd full stop or capital letter in your posts? It will make them easier to read & understand. Thanks.
 
Bully's need to be exposed get a Dictaphone machine and record any of the abuse if you can .i have heard a tribunal say to a person who kept a diary that they could have wrote the notes at any time and so its not a true record.
bully's win by not been taken on its as simple as that.
i would try to get hard evidence of the abuse and when i had it i would go to management or if its a mucky mouse company go sick with work related stress the go to tribunal .
DO NOT LET BULLY'S WIN
 
Hi Suzy123,

Nothing worse than going to work & being afraid of what is waiting for you ... as you feel you are being bullied, would you be able to have a one to one discussion with this person? If so, then the first thing is to have a frank discussion with this person & explain your situation to them & how their actions / talk are putting undue pressure on you. If this person gets abusive / angry / anything that upsets you, then don't entertain it & walk out. Hopefully it won't happen like that. Have you someone in work that you can confide in? Not just a "work mate" but a close friend?

I have worked with people in the past that didn't know that their actions / words upset others but sometimes a talk does clear things up... Can I ask you what profession you are in? What structures are in place where you work? (local HR / many supervisors/managers?) Bullying in the workplace is a VERY serious matter & if the talk doesn't resolve the issue, then HR (or the union in your case) must get involved. You will not lose your job by reporting bullying, but if you are in a job that makes you ill, then it's not a job you will stay at.

Let us know how you get on...
 
suzy123 said:
Hi im new to all this came across this website decided to post here so here it gos, im being bullyed by my supervisor in work picking on me over number topics that other people on the floor notting was ever mentioned to them, i contacted the union forwarded emails and union said def is a case of bullying and i should nip it in bud before it gets out of hand. While i do agree im afraid of loosing my job as i have 2 kids and need income to keep a roof over there head do i keep going and ignore it and hopefully it will pass or bite the bullet and bring it futher? thanks in advance to any replys
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Suzy,

Please could I first ask you to spell check your posts and word your sentences to make it easier for people to read your posts. Item 4 on the Posting Guidelines refers. Your post is not as hard to read as textspeak, but it is difficult to read. perhaps it should read something like this.

==========================

Hi, I'm new to all this.
I came across this website and decided to post here so here it goes.

I'm being bullied by my supervisor in work who is picking on me over a number of topics.
Nothing was mentioned to other people on the shop floor about the same topics.

I contacted the union and forwarded emails my supervisor had sent to me.
The union said that it is definitely a case of bullying and I should nip it in bud before it gets out of hand.

While I do agree with the Union's advice I'm afraid of losing my job as I have 2 kids and need the income to keep a roof over our heads.
Do I keep going and ignore it in the hope that it will pass or should I bite the bullet and bring it further? Thanks in advance for any replies.

==========================

Look at your original post and compare it with the wording above. I hope the revised wording seems clearer to you as it does to me.
This is not a put-down or a wind up. Getting your thoughts in order and communicating clearly will help you in all your dealings with your supervisor, your boss and your union.

---------------------------------

Before saying anything to your supervisor make a list the aspects of his behaviour that you find offensive or intimidating. These is your list of grievances. Talk about the situation with a friend outlining your concerns. Not a macho friend who'll offer to have a go on your behalf, but someone who will listen to you, give you a fair hearing and tell you if you are over-reacting.

If you friend thinks you are are being reasonable, then consider taking things to the next level and confronting your supervisor about what you think is his intimidating behavior.

Before your first meeting with your supervisor think very carefully about the location. I would advise against meeting him alone if you already feel intimidated by him.

Speaking to him informally at work in front of witnesses may be the best place to talk in case the encounter goes pear-shaped for you or he reacts badly. Have a work colleague you trust standing by to intervene.

If your supervisor wants to move matters to a formal face-to-face meeting, I'd strongly suggest you do not agree to meet with him alone then either. You could ask to meet with another supervisor since your supervisor cannot be the judge in his own case. Alternatively ask to meet with him with a witness/observer present.

Use your list of grievances as a basis for the meeting. Make sure the witness/observer takes notes of what was said. Your supervisor will certainly take notes but you may be too rattled to take notes. Consider coming back to this forum and letting us know how you get on.

I hope this is of some use to you.

ONQ.
 
I completed a FETAC Level 6 Award in Management recently.
Employment Law, Personnel Management, Managing People.
I thought I might as well put it to good use :)
Very common sense course S29Z Fás/BIM.
Useful for managers at all levels.

ONQ.
 
ONQ thank you for that reply. I contacted the union and was speaking to member of the union and i forwarded all the emails that was sent to me and forwarded all information on the case from this person, he had look at them and said it looks like my manager is knit picking and is case of being bullyed with content of the emails and what i sent up. But what i am afraid of if i bring in the Union will it open up a bigger can of worms or do ye think i should put my head down and hope it will pass? What i am wondering did anyone feel they were being targarted in work place what did ye do? I dont feel that confronting this person will do any good, however i could go above them but i am afraid incase its made out im over reacting etc. I did speak to a good friend in work regarding the nature and showed them the details and said its very unfair what is being done and i should speak up.
 
Great reply ONQ. Suzy123 does you company have a policy on bullying? Can you check that with the HR team? Does the union have people qualified in handling bullying that could advise you before you take any action? The better you have a handle on the situation, the better you will be able to address it.

As ONQ suggests, do a list of what you consider to be the Supervisor's bullying. It could be that the supervisor is unaware that their actions are so upsetting to you.
 
@suzy123: It depends on the strength of the case you present to the company - and also the culture of the company itself. Are they likely to row in behind the individual concerned (simply because of seniority) - or does he/she have some good contacts in the upper rungs that are likely to back him up?
Whatever you decide - keep a record. Someone earlier suggested that keeping a record of events was worthless as it (ultimately) could be discredited - the suggestion being that it could be cobbled together prior to any escalation of the situation. However, I believe there is a lot of benefit of keeping a meticulous record - for your own benefit if nothing else. It's surprising how difficult it may be to recall the specifics of events in hindsight. It was suggested that you should record this type of thing - but that's of little benefit - you can't do this without consent.

It really depends upon exactly the nature of the problem, the individuals involved and how the company operates - as regards how you should handle the situation. However, I know if it was me, I would like to have enough 'dirt' to discredit the perpetrator before airing the subject. Remember, if this all gets 'smoothed over' later on, is he/she not going to have it in for you even more? I don't know the nature of your work, but perhaps they will just be waiting for you to walk into a hole....
 
suzy123 said:
ONQ thank you for that reply. I contacted the union and was speaking to member of the union and i forwarded all the emails that was sent to me and forwarded all information on the case from this person, he had look at them and said it looks like my manager is knit picking and is case of being bullyed with content of the emails and what i sent up. But what i am afraid of if i bring in the Union will it open up a bigger can of worms or do ye think i should put my head down and hope it will pass? What i am wondering did anyone feel they were being targarted in work place what did ye do? I dont feel that confronting this person will do any good, however i could go above them but i am afraid incase its made out im over reacting etc. I did speak to a good friend in work regarding the nature and showed them the details and said its very unfair what is being done and i should speak up.
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+1 what horusd and serotoninsid have posted, however...

Happy to help Suzy123 but now comes the hard part for you.
You're unhappy, the union is willing to back you and your friend thinks you should speak up.
At least two people have independently reviewed your grievance and suggested you have a case.

I think you should be wary of going over the supervisors head, but you should not bring in the union fully yet.
I suggest you could try speaking to the supervisor with your union rep present as an independent witness.
That will certainly get the supervisors attention, while offering you some support.

Hope this helps.

ONQ.

PS Thanks for the kind words guys - I'm new to giving this kind of advice.
 
Serotoninsid - excellent point what you said walking into a hole that's kinda what I'm afraid of if it's all smoothed over will they be constantly monitoring me in the future? Horsud yes company has policy on bullying no I haven't contacted HR in regards to the matter. I know it's only me that can make the call but I really am torn in what to do but thank you so much for all the helpful replies will let ye know if there's any update thanks again.
 
If the company have a policy on bullying then you should follow that policy strictly if you believe you are being bullied. Otherwise it will go against you when it goes to litigation. You did not follow procedure.

In a case where you believe you are being bullied, you have to decide to bite the bullet, go for the jugular or live with it. It really is as simple as that. Talking to the person will not solve it as real bullies do not accept they are bullies so reason will not come into it.
Consider carefully what you mean by "picking at you". If they are pointing out things that they believe are not being done correctly, it is not picking at you, and certainly not bullying, unless they do it exclusivesly to you when other employees are also not doing things properly. Being told you are not doing your job properly or constantly pointing out errors is not necessarily bullying. Even if you believe the issues are minor. Take a step back and consider whether there are errors or deficiencies in your work etc that warrant criticism. It is easy to confuse criticisim with bullying. If after that, you still believe you are being bullied, follow the procedure set out in the company rules covering bullying.

Remember that an accusation of bullying is a very serious matter for both parties. In my experience, true bullies tend to have bullied more than one person over a number of years. Are you the only person who feels they are bullied by this person ?

Companies who have a reasonable procedure to deal with bullying will win the case if the employee did not follow procedure.
 
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suzy123 ask for a copy of the bullying guidelines. This doesn't commit you to do anything, but can only help you decide. Bullying is a specialist HR area, so if your going to ask the Union for advice, make sure you get someone fully qualified to give that advice.
 
Real bullies do not bully large numbers of people in the work environment at once as this would expose them.
However, over time, they may have invidually bullied several people.

(Unless of course the bully is the boss and everyone is under his thumb, an unfortunate force-of-personality situation)

Bullies who are at intermediate levels cannot by definition bully everyone because sooner or later this would come to the bosses attention.

However, there are "real bullies" and then there are "people with bad work practices", allied to bosses who may be only interested in "getting things done".

This is the worst situation to be in, because you have to educate the higher echelons from the bottom up.
This really is a process of change management and one in which is seems that not many Irish companies have engaged in.
There are huge benefits in terms of staff motivation and self-improvement to be attained and great rewards for the company, albeit there will be abusers of the system.

If all this sounds beyond you suz123, it may well be so, but take heart.
Sometimes all it needs is one voice to promote a culture of change, and to start a process of transformation within a company that has benefits both for all persons, from the boss to the cleaners through all the levels in between.
These benefits will be in all areas
(1) well being
(2) personal career path
(3) productivity
(4) bottom line
and these are just some of the benefits accruing to a company with a well run Human Resources programme.

This process may start with one employee making one manager realize his behaviour may be inappropriate.
I think that is within your ability suzy123.
Good luck with it.

ONQ.
 
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