Another child gone

D

dmos87

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This was really quite upsetting to hear on the radio / TV over the last 2 days.

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/girl-12-murdered-and-body-dumped-2316256.html

For me, simply because I have younger sisters in their early to mid teens and I worry quite a lot about who they hang around with, where they are, what are they up to, are they safe.

What I can't understand though is why a 12 year old girl (still a child, not a teenager) was out until mid-night?? This is FAR too late for a 12 year old. My 16 year old sister has a curfew of 10.30pm on weekend nights and for the summer months and MUST be collected by a family member to come home, no walking on her own or in groups.

"It is understood that having returned home, she told her parents she was stepping out for a moment. "

It's midnight and she has just returned home - what in the world does a 12 year old need to step outside for? I know everyone is different, but if it were my house my little sister was staying in (which she does often on weekends) and she asked me the above, she would have been told no as its far too late and she should be in bed.

You have to question the level of freedom this child was given. I am 23 years old, only out of my teens a few years and I seriously see problems with this. Have things changed so much in a decade? When I was 12, I don't think I ever saw mid-night. I was always either in bed asleep well before then or watching TV with my parents on the weekend.

This poor family are living in a nightmare right now, and I truly feel for them, what happed was wrong and I pray the person who has done this is punished severely for taking such a young life. However, I cannot help but feel that if she had been monitored more closely (like a 12 year old child should be) she may still be alive today.
 
I have no children but thought it odd that a 12 year old was out and about at that time of the night.
 
When I read the story I thought that was very weird too. The cynic in me finds it a bit suspicious in fact! But as I say, I'm a cynic.
 
Agreed, its very strange, that and 15 year old girls at all night parties with their 17 year old boyfriends.

Its hard not to rush to judgment. Or maybe that's exactly where we should rush.
 
One cannot comprehend the distress and pain of this family. However we have adult children of 24 and 21 years. If any of them , at age 12, said they were going out for a while at midnight, they would not be going out. End of. Maybe we're old fashioned. It is terribly sad.
 
Romulan said:
Its hard not to rush to judgment. Or maybe that's exactly where we should rush.
Click to expand...

My exact thoughts. While we don't know the full circumstances you have to question what on earth is going on that a 12 year old child can tell her family she is going out at midnight for a few minutes and then not be reported missing for 2 hours?

It's actually leaving me speechless.
 
The first that struck me as odd too was 'poping out at midnight'. My heart really goes out to the parents and I am really struggling not to be judgemental.

I remember saying to my husband 'I hope it's not a girl' when we found out I was pregnant (we have a baby boy). My personal observation of a lot of teenage girls (unfortunately including some extended family members) is that they look and behave like prostitutes, use no common sense and haven't a clue about the concept of personal safety.

A friend of mine has a 16 year old daughter who came back home at 3am (was expected at 11pm) drunk. The father drove around for hours looking for her. She switched her mobile off to avoid parent's calls. When questioned about her whereabouts by the parents, she told them to F off and the father slapped her. A couple of months later, the parents were questioned by the gardai, social services and HSE about the child molestation. The daughter in question used a slap (described God knows how) as an excuse for not having her homework or something and the school reported the parents. They've been through hell over it!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately (being a new parent and all that) BUT how far are you allowed to go in disciplining your child? If, based on my friend's example, the poor girl was told that she is not going out at that hour, would somebody actually believe her if she complained about being under house arrest by the parents or whatever would be the most accurate name for it?
 
Very sad story. The parents will be heartbroken, but I too have to question what has happened among elements of our society when it is seen as nothing unusual for a 12yr old to pop out again at midnight.

You do hate to rush to conclusions, but most peoples image of the parents will be formed already.
 
Very weird. I wasn't allowed to go out, properly, until I was 18. Youth club discos before that were the only times I was allowed out and that's because they were supervised. Strange that a 12 year old is out that late.
 
Three cases in the last week or so:

1) The Killarney car accident

Of the 5 people in the car, the oldest was 19.

Did he/she have a full licence? Insurance?

Note that the car was not owned by any of the five people.


2) The 12-year old in west Dublin

3) And here's another one:

http://www.rte.ie/news/2010/0830/rta.html


"Seven teenagers have been taken to hospital following a road accident in Co Mayo.
They had been travelling in a car which hit a wall and a pole at Church Street in Foxford at 4.30am."


Questions:

Why are people so young all driving cars?

Why are people so young all out and about at 4:30am?
 
"Questions:

Why are people so young all driving cars?

Why are people so young all out and about at 4:30am?"

I can only offer an answer to the first question and that is to say that there is no other way of getting around in rural areas. Yes, speed may be involved, alcohol/drugs may be involved, inexperienced, reckless drivers may be at the wheel but I'm not implying that any of these were a factor. What is a definite factor is that there is no other way to get around in these areas.

I was amazed when I read in one of the newspaper reports that the girl mentioned to her family that she was popping out at midnight. Popping out? I would've been laughed at at age 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18 if I had suggested to my parents at midnight that I was popping out (and if I lived at home past age 18 I would probably still have been subjected to an interrogation after age 18!)
 
there is no other way of getting around in rural areas
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, I grew up in the country, when I wanted to go out my father drove me, and picked me up. I have embarresing memories of this! However I was always safe..

This poor child was given way to much freedom at a young age.

As adults we know the risks, and it is up to an adult or parent to manage that risk. It is my personal opinion that the parents of these children failed their children because the freedome they gave thhose children put the childrens lives at risk...
p..
 
I grew up in very rural Kerry, my dad is from Mayo so I spent a lot of time up there as well. My parents refused (and rightly so) to become a taxi service for my brother and sister and I, instead insisting that we take on responsibility for ourselves. Instead they instilled in us proper respect for the road and other road users. We all learned to drive as early as possible and my sister and I have never had an accident, my brother was in his mid 20s before he had an accident.
 
We (society) have let our youngsters grow up too quickly in the last 15 years. We have given them too much freedom, allowed them earn too much money, and, as a result, parents are playing an increasingly reduced role in their upbringing. Their role models are more likely to be taken from celebrity-land rather than their home.

These kids are finding themselves in situations that they don’t have the necessary emotional skills to deal with and are obviously making a lot of wrong choices.

As parents, we have to take a huge amount of the blame for this. Boundaries have been pushed way- too- far in relation to what teenagers should be allowed do and we have to learn that it is perfectly OK to say to our children

  • No, you cannot have a Facebook page
  • No, you cannot have a TV in your bedroom
  • No, you cannot have unrestricted access to the Internet
  • No, you cannot get an Apple iPhone – the IPOD you have is fine
  • No, you cannot go out looking like a prostitute
  • No, you are not going to Ibiza with your 24 classmates
etc etc etc
 
You can say 'No' all you like, but don't underestimate the ability of teenagers to get their own way, if they really, really want it. They will cliimb out the bedroom window if grounded. They will change into their more extravagant clothes at their friends house, so you don't see them. They will get web access at a web cafe or the library or their friends house, etc.

It's not just a matter of saying no. You need to have mutual trust in place, so that they know why you are saying no.
 
Agree with complainer.

There is no better place to see kids changing into their "prostitute" clothes after leaving the house in "parent approved" clothes than behind the garage across the road from the wesley rugby ground (not trying to turn this into a debate about that) on a friday night and then changing back again, leaving mum and dad none the wiser.
 
Hi there, Complainer and pixie, I agree with both of you, in that you cannot protect against the scenarios you mention. However that does not mean you give a teenage full freedom. A parent can only do the best they can to advise a child against risk and should the child sneak behind your back - well what can you do!

However to allow a child out until 12 midnight, or go to an all night party.. thats another thing entirely...
 
While all the newspapers are reporting this child told her parents she was popping out, that may not be the whole story and her parents may have been mislead and maybe she was "sneaking behind their back". She may have told them she was going two doors down to her buddy's house (albeit at 12 o'clock) when maybe that was not her intention at all (or maybe it was, who knows).
 
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