On the garden, is it possible to get someone to come on for a few hours a month and do the basics, eg cutting the grass and hedges.? I don't think you should quit maintaining them as if they get overgrown they'll only attract things like ferral cats (happened when my parents neighbour died and the house was left abandoned for almost a year).
Problem with putting her into care against her wishes, even if it is for the best intentions, if she goes downhill quickly afterwards, then the family will always blame themselves.
Is respite care an option?, if only for a couple of weeks to get her used to going into a residential home. Sell it to her on the basis that you need to get some things done around the house?
frail and dependent, are compos mentis and determined to stay at home.
Mostly, what happens is the accident that everyone is waiting for, usually the broken hip. Followed by hospitalisation and the dawning realisation all round that going home is not an option.
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