Advice needed re confronting boss

J

jhg0912

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Have a difficult situation at work and not really sure where to go with it or how best to deal with it so looking for any advice?
Problem is with my boss who I know is being unreasonable in some of her behaviour but not sure if its bordering on bullying, or if its just unreasonable actions of a inflated ego!?

Some examples...

One morning she sent me a text at 8.35am asking me for a presentation that she needed for 9 o clock that morning. I ignored the text, and a call to the phone about 10 minutes later. I'm not her PA but I she has just moved up the ranks in the company and I think she has decided to make me her PA without consulting me first (I would rather stick hot needles in my eyes). I think this is not only an unreasonable last minute request, but also not appropriate as my mobile is not a work phone, the number of which she has because I had to call her about an family emergency a couple of months ago.

Second example, I basically arrange conferences, meetings etc, and we had a big conference on Monday morning, and she decided to call me at 1pm on the Friday before it with a big list of demands (eg I want the day recorded on dvd and then put inot a snapshot film of 5 minutes for the following Monday) that she had suddenly thought would be a great idea for Monday. And as she was going through her list of demands she added 'make sure you stay by the phone in case I come up with anything else', which she did of course. This meant getting the involvement of about 3 or 4 different companies to come up with the goods. Absolutely no notice for these tasks (which ended up taking up the rest of the day) and I had to dump everything else that I was doing. This happened despite sitting in constant meetings etc about the conference to talk about requirements etc. It wasnt the tasks themselves that were unreasonable, but the notice given. GRRR

Another incident, again with the phone, she called me at 8.45pm on a Friday night about something really trivial that needed to be arranged for the following Monday (to say that it could have waited for Monday morning is an understatement). I happened to miss the call but she left a voicemail. So just because she wanted something done asap, she thinks its ok to call my phone on a Friday night when I had been sitting in the same office as her all day??? Not only this but she didnt apologise for disturbing me or calling my personal phone, which is insult to injury as far as I'm concerned.

Ok, this has turned into a much longer rant than I had anticipated, but I really need advice. I know I need to confront her about last minute tasks, thats fine, but its the whole thing that I'm not sure how to tackle it as one issue (ie crossing the line of reasonable behaviours/requests). We work in a small company and my boss and the HR manager are buddies so I dont know if I could 100% rely on her for objective advice, hence the post.

This a very recent development, last couple of weeks. Not quite the Devil Wears Prada yet, but need to stop it before it goes there. I have a really big thing about mutual respect and I dont think this is respectful behaviour, its selfish and presumes that I am there to serve her every whim whenever they might occur to her. I can be a real hot head :)mad:!)when it comes to things that irritate me and shes a clever (ie manipulative) person, so I want to be calm, non emotional and assertive when I talk to her about this.

Any advice on how to tackle this gratefully received! :confused:
 
Hi

Sounds like an uncomfortable situation.

I want to be calm, non emotional and assertive when I talk to her about this
Click to expand...
I know how tough this can be but I had some good training on this just last week. It's all down to psychology. If you look up the parent ego state on the Net you'll see the details. I will try to explain why I found it so helpful in work so bear with me for a moment.

We all have 'tapes' or 'scripts' in our subconscious which we have learnt from childhood. We have critical parent, nurturing parent, adaptive child and free child.

Critical parent gives out yards, nurturing parent comforts, adaptive child whines and moans and free child doesn't give a monkeys. You get the picture. We have learnt all these 'scripts' in childhood and they are all totally emotionally baggage laden. We play them all the time but they are pretty unproductive. Nothing gets accomplished.

A lot of manager / employee relationships fall into the parent / child scenario and that's why it can sometimes be really difficult to make any productive progress i.e. solve something with no emotional crap breaking out.

You have to try and turn the conversation to 'adult' state. This deals with the current situation, does not play any emotional scripts and is as you say "calm, non emotional and assertive". If you picture the different states and imagine keeping yourself in the adult one it really helps stay unemotional. But you have to make her do that too. Critical parent (as she is) wants you to respond as adaptive child. Respond like that initially i.e. yes I'll do as you say, so that she is comfortable and things are going her way. But *rapidly* turn the conversation logical by asking her very logical unemotional type questions. Make them out in advance that might help. It may force her to stop, grow up and have a reasonable conversation which is the only way the two of you will move forwards.

sorry for all the psycho mumbo jumbo but I find the above really helpful.
 
If it doesn't work, you will know that she is willfully determined not to be reasonable and that will answer that question for you.
 
If your in a 9 to 5 job then tell her that, tell her that you treat the job as a 9 to 5 and won't be taking any calls after that.

Tell her that realistically the demands she is placing on you, by deciding on issues at the last minute, would lead management to think that you were inefficient and always leaving stuff to the last minute and you don't want to be seen like that.

Can you describe in what way she is being disrespectful?

PS maybe I'm getting old but if my boss asks me to do something I do it. It doesn't matter if he asks me two months in advance or 9 o'clock the night before.
 
This sounds like a case of your manager and perhaps you not knowing what your role is.

You say she just moved up in the ranks so I am assuming that she has just recently been made your boss. You work for her but you are not supposed to carry out PA type tasks for her - does she know this? I presume you have a clearly defined role - I dont understand why she is treating you as her PA....I dont think you have given us the full story. Is it usual for people in your company to carry out this role for their boss along with their regular day to day tasks.

It all depends on the context as this behaviour has been happening only recently, is there a big client she is trying to win and needs help outside regular hours, or is this just routine day to day stuff?

In my line of work my staff dial in from home at all hours and I even call them on a day off if I need their help. But this is expected as part of their job spec and they are compensated well for it. If someone ignored my call like you did they would be in a whole lot of trouble. So it all depends on what your role is in the company and what you are expected to do.

If this is something completely new and you have never had to work overtime or extra hours or handle phone calls at weekends then I think you should speak to her and clarify what SHE thinks your role is. It is unreasonable for her to expect you to be at her beck and call outside office hours if this is not part of your job spec and if you are not compensated or recognised for it.
 
Hi, not a nice situation to be in but fair play to you for being aware of it and wanting to sort it out.

Just fyi I have done a lot of research, workshops, and attended seminars on the area of bullying and its something that I in the future intend to focus on as a career in the form of education on the issue, mediation etc etc

Any behaviour that is invasive (ringing you on your mobile), asking you to do tasks with impossible deadlines, and in general making your job difficult is wrong, irrational and is a form of bullying. You just have to figure out the extent of it.

she could be doing it for any number of reasons. She could be threatened by you, she could be trying to aid you in messing up to make you look bad, she could be doing it to make herself look good there is no set reasons or scenarios as to why these type of people feel the need to make the workplace difficult for others.

Fact is though that you have no idea how many people sit and take it and believe it goes on.

So, what to do?
According to the workshops I've been at which have been given by people in the position you need to first and foremost speak to her.
Not "confront" her as you had in your post. You don't want a confrontation.

-Take note of the incidents you listed below in as much detail as you can.
-write down after them how they affected your working day, how you viewed them personally, and why you do feel that they were wrong.
-Tell her that you are willing to help/arrange whereever possible but that in future you want more support/notice/assistance etc.

and get her take on it all !
if she is rational and says she was having a bad few days and understands where you're coming from then happy days (it can happen!)

If she is unpleasant or disagreeable then you simply tell her that if you both cannot resolve the issue between the 2 of you then you will have to take it further.
See what her reaction is to that.

Be calm, assertive (try not be too emotional), have your facts, be to the point and firm about your position on it all.

Just remember that if you are working in an environment that is pressurised, uncomfortable, if you are never knowing what is going to be thrown at you next that you under no circumstances have to tolerate or put up with it.
Everyone has a right to go to work happy, comfortable and feeling safe, its up to your colleagues and management to ensure this is the case.

If you do the above, keep us posted. If she is not co-operative then there are further steps you can take if you feel the need.

Good Luck !
 
Most of your problems seem to be mobile phone related. I'd suggest getting a new number, and hide the caller ID when contacting your boss.
 
Perhaps she feels that it's acceptable to phone you on your personal number as you gave it to her for another reason when she wasn't your "superior"?

Either way, you're right to try and nip it in the bud now. I would take a dual approach. (1) for the phone calls, I would simply ignore her calls to your personal number and delete the messages after answering them. If she questions why you haven't done X or Y, remind her that she phoned your personal number and if she needs you to do something she needs to leave a message in work for you. Failing that, get a new SIM & number.
(2) For the last minute stuff which I would consider far more important to tackle - I would sit her down in private, explain to her that last minute tasks are not acceptable as you have many deadlines and that while you have no problem helping her out every now and again you have other responsibilities. Before doing this, I would flag it with your boss - by explaining to them how their tasks got swept to one side by this woman's last minute demands. I find that bosses become very protective of their admin staff if they feel that their territory is being threatened. :D
Best of luck!
 
Change phone number and turn off your message minder. Tell her your mobile fell into the toilet and then say your new one is not for work purposes. If she asks for the number say you would prefer to keep it private. You need to stand up to her a little.
 
Some examples...

Quote: One morning she sent me a text at 8.35am asking me for a presentation that she needed for 9 o clock that morning. I ignored the text, and a call to the phone about 10 minutes later. I'm not her PA but I she has just moved up the ranks in the company and I think she has decided to make me her PA without consulting me first (I would rather stick hot needles in my eyes). I think this is not only an unreasonable last minute request, but also not appropriate as my mobile is not a work phone, the number of which she has because I had to call her about an family emergency a couple of months ago.

- what time do you start work?
- was it to forward a presentation or to pull one together? was it possible to pull the information together effectively in that time?
- what exactly is your job? has the role changed? What do you want your job to be in the company?
- do you have 1:1 meetings with your boss - ever? Do you plan to?

Quote: Second example, I basically arrange conferences, meetings etc, and we had a big conference on Monday morning, and she decided to call me at 1pm on the Friday before it with a big list of demands (eg I want the day recorded on dvd and then put inot a snapshot film of 5 minutes for the following Monday) that she had suddenly thought would be a great idea for Monday. And as she was going through her list of demands she added 'make sure you stay by the phone in case I come up with anything else', which she did of course. This meant getting the involvement of about 3 or 4 different companies to come up with the goods. Absolutely no notice for these tasks (which ended up taking up the rest of the day) and I had to dump everything else that I was doing. This happened despite sitting in constant meetings etc about the conference to talk about requirements etc. It wasnt the tasks themselves that were unreasonable, but the notice given. GRRR[/FONT][/SIZE]

- welcome to the real world - where everthing is not as planned as we would like. In this case though - and in advance of the next similar conference would you find it if benefit to meet with the boss 2wks in advance then more frequently as the time draws closer in order to plan it effectively. Do you feel empowered to do this? Even despite that, there will be last minute change & additions to the plans.

Quote: Another incident, again with the phone, she called me at 8.45pm on a Friday night about something really trivial that needed to be arranged for the following Monday (to say that it could have waited for Monday morning is an understatement). I happened to miss the call but she left a voicemail. So just because she wanted something done asap, she thinks its ok to call my phone on a Friday night when I had been sitting in the same office as her all day??? Not only this but she didnt apologise for disturbing me or calling my personal phone, which is insult to injury as far as I'm concerned. [/FONT][/SIZE]

- with all the phone stuff, that would need to change for sure as advised above.

Please note that I am not saying that you are wrong anywhere here (its not for me to do that)... but essentially, you need to do some thinking here in relation to how you take control of the situation & how you plan to manage your boss.... because if it is not her then it will be someone else in the future.

You have options here....
- leave & possibly face the same situation elsewhere
- attack - which may not have a pretty outcome
- plan out what exactly you want & ensure that you set up a method of having a frequent & scheduled timeslot with you boss to plan out how the work gets done. Advise her that if all this last minute stuff becomes the norm then it may not get done effectively - which is of no benefit to her.
- during the course of these meetings you can advise that your phone is for personal use.

I've written a bit there but the key point is that you need to think this through before you jump in.

ninsaga
 
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Work Job

I'd agree that as a starting point you should have your role defined more precisely. The mobile phone issue is an example of this. I guess a lot of managers will put extra tasks on your back to test the water and see if your happy to carrry them out. In this case it's a person new to their role so there is bound to be a case of muddy waters. I think you should be calm and explain what roles are in your objectives for the coming year and explain that you have responsibilites outside work which you need to plan in advance.
 
I think the first thing you need to establish with her is that your mobile number is for personal use only, it is not company issue and as such she shouldn't use it.

If you have a role profile you should dig it out and see if any of the things she is asking you to do are outside the scope of it. Note these down and everything else she does. Keep her afterhour voicemails etc. If anything official ever comes out of this situation you will need to have everything documented. Do you have any witnesses to her unreasonable behavior. Does she do it to anyone else? If she does check if they feel the same way. It will strengthen your case against her if there are others or at least witnesses to the way she treats you. Her friendship with the HR manager won't help if you have hard evidence, out of office voicemails etc.

Does your company have a policy for dealing with situations like this? You should find this out and have it as a backup just in case. Are you a member of a union? If you are you should seek advice from them about how to proceed.

I have no problem being flexible and helping someone in a bind but when I leave the office at the end of the day that's it. Unless you are on call or have a job that requires you to work erratic hours you are under no obligation to answer her calls. Like you my boss got my home phone number from caller ID when I phoned in. One day I took a day off and he rang me in a panic. Someone was screaming for something and he had no idea how to do it and no one else could tell him. I didn't even know he knew my number so I was surprised when he rang me. To be honest it was a little unnerving that my work life was bleeding into my home life but I didn't call him on it as I wasn't really put out and he hasn't done it since. If he made a habit of it I would have said something. He is pretty flexible most of the time so I don't mind reciprocating. He was pretty apologetic about it too so I felt he knew he crossed a line and that he must have been desperate to ring.

I think the root of this issue is the fact that your boss is unapologetic about putting you in this situation and is unappreciative of the extra work you are putting in. I find that when I am treated with mutual respect and feel my work is being acknowledged I am happy to assist but when I feel I am being disrespected my back goes up and everything the other person does annoys me.

Good luck and I hope you resolve the issue between you rather than having to make it official.
 
Thanks all for the advice.

Some clarification...

I have started to keep a log of everything thats bothering me or I think is outside my job scope so that I have all my facts. We only sat down a couple of months to go through everything that comes under my remit and even then my husband picked up a copy of it at home, and commented on how he couldnt believe the volume of work that I cover anyway!
Like MB05, I have absolutely no problem helping out where needed, and I'm not the kind of person who says if its not in my job spec, i'm not doing it, but I dont feel this is a flexibility issue.

Also, this person has always been my manager. She was a local area manager over sales reps and myself and was promoted to country manager. And for all who suggested changing number, I dont really think thats the best way of dealing with it, to me thats giving in to a bully!! no way would I go to that much hassle, why should I have to?

To answer ninsaga
- I work flexitime, but essentially 9-5 type role, but the flexitime means core hours are 10 to 4 and you can come and go any time before or after that without having to account to anyone, they leave it up to you to be sensible. So the morning she sent me that text, I didnt arrive in to the office until after 9.
- Presentation definitely not possible to pull together in the 25 minutes, and anyway, she should be doing it herself. Everyone else, including MD and other senior managers all do their own powerpoint so why should she get extra preference. grrrr!!
- with regards 'welcome to the real world', I'm not naive, I absolutely understand that there are always last minute things, esp with conferences, and I have asked her all along about her requirements (I always doc so I know whats shes like) but she suddenly had some 'great' ideas that Friday. Like one reply mentioned, its not the task themselves that drive me up the wall, its the presumption that I have nothing better to do and then no apology for upsetting my day or even a query at the start to see if I do have time to do this, its just launch into the list.

Anyway, am gathering info an thoughts and hoping to sit down with her over the coming days...
 
jhg0912 said:
Anyway, am gathering info an thoughts and hoping to sit down with her over the coming days...
Click to expand...

.. thats great - but here is my 2 cents....

- think of this as a gradual process - dont try to fix everything on one sitting - don;t get emotional - structure it - set yourself an agenda & when you sit down outline all the things that need to be talked about.
- ensure that you schedule regular follow ups - weekly for sure to go through 'what's hot & what's not'
.. Rome wasn't built in a day - remember - you must try to take control of this situation - stay calm & don;t explode

approach this positively (hard I know)... but if you do you will come out the better.

Finally, I do agree with your thoughts on the mobile phone - changing the no is not the solution. During the course of your meeting - oerhaps you can bring it up towards the end in a subtle but firm way along the lines of
'by the way there is one thing that we should talk about'
' & what's that?'
' you're prob unaware that my phone is a personal one & that I've been getting work related out of hours calls on it.....'
' is that a problem?'
'well yes - as I say its for personal use as opposed to work' - & let that be your position

as I say - my 2cents!

Good luck
 
you mentioned in the title of this thread, and subsequently, that this person is your boss.

you also mentioned that, when she gives you things to do, you have other things to do and have had to drop them.

I am not a 'boss' - but i do have staff working to me. If i told them, at short notice, that i want something done, I would be very unimpressed if they told me that they had other things to do that they would have to drop. As their boss, I would know what other things they have to do, I would also know what they might have to drop in order to perform the task I was asking them to do. I would be taking that into account in asking them to do something at short notice and I would expect that they would realise that what I was telling them to do immediatley was to take priority over the other tasks.

Also - if i asked a staff member to do something (example the powerpoint thing) and they replied by saying that the MD does that work themselves so why should you be any different ( and I know that you haven't said that, but are only thinking it) I would be furious. Just because the head of the organisation decides to do a certain task themselves I dont think that in any way precludes managers from asking their staff to perform such a task!

I'd be careful about confronting your 'boss' about giving you tasks at short notice. Maybe take it from the angle that, at such short notice, you dont feel that you can do the jobs to your best ability and that a bit more notice would allow you to do a much better job?? I'd focus on the mobile thing - especially at unsociable hours.

by the way - i've never asked anyone that works with me to do any of the jobs you've been asked to do at such short notice, i've never rang anyone for a work related issue on a private phone and i always talk with colleagues to make sure they're happy with things - i'm just saying be careful about the way you say things to your boss! good luck and dont lose sleep over things - these things that make you fret, after time and looking back at them, can seem like such minor things

if you are going to speak to your boss about these things - my advice would be to:

a) request a meeting with your boss - i.e. dont grab her at a time when she doesn't expect it and will have to answer the phone etc in the middle of your talk - which is really annoying! - and

b) make a note (in very brief bullet points) of your issues that you want to discuss. If you're anything like me, I get very flustered and emotional when difficult situations build up to the point where you need to talk about them to your boss - i've had to do this twice - the first time i made a balls of it - but the second time i had my little notes in front of me - so i didn't get distracted from the points i wanted to get accross and it helped me to focus on the issues in hand and also helped me to get back on point when my boss started waffling about all sorts of things that weren't remotely relevant!
 
She sounds like she's after taking on a role that she is still finding her feet in herself.

I'm not disagreeing that its acceptable to ring your personal mobile nor that her Miranda Priestly attitude isn't wearing but she really may not realise the impact its having on you. I certainly think you should review your job spec and have a meeting with her to discuss the issues you have raised here. Go through your job description and tell her where your time is being spent. If this is now part of your role, discuss your new responsibilities and negotiate having some of the others removed in order to free up your time. If this is now part of your role and you are unhappy with it, discuss it with management/HR so you know your options before proceeding to tell her that you're not happy and intend bringing it further. In the interim its better to keep to facts and documented evidence/examples before jeopardising any future relationship with her.

Clarify your working hours and then bring up the issue of ringing you outside of this time.

In the meantime instead of feeling annoyed, you could also take it as a compliment that she obviously thinks you are reliable and good at your job. Just ensure this is acknowledged and reflected in your own review too.

Best of luck with it.
 
She became country manager from local area manager. Pretty good - she's obviously doing a lot of things right. Perhaps you can learn from her?

The late night phone calls sound unreasonable, but perhaps she felt she knew you well enough personally to do this.

Is there any resentment towards her, by any chance?

(By the way, you've been very specific about these issues, in a public forum on one of Ireland's most popular websites. You probably should provide fewer details as it's quite possible that your boss reads these pages too.)
 
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