17 yr old thrown out of home

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travelchick

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Need advice quickly.

My partner's 17 yr old daughter has been thrown out of home by her mother, not the first time, but very traumatic for all, not the least her.
Her behaviour is not saintly but not bad enough to warrant eviction. It just happens to co-incide with our taking a trip to Paris, and whenever we are about to enjoy ourselves, s..t happens big time....
It has happened twice before but when we made moves to enroll her in the local school and get on with things, she was welcomed back with open arms only to have it all happen again.
She is in her leaving cert year and this is going to be a very big upset as the school here will be on different things than her previous. She lives in Dublin, we live in Cork... and she really does not want to be here, all her friends etc. are in Dublin.

Question: If mother will not take her back this time how would my partner go about changing his maintenance agreement (divorced since July '05), cost us a fortune, she had legal aid..... and get the Child benefit paid to him....

We have about 3 to 4 days to get things in shape if she is not returning to live with her mother so all or any advice please.
 
Both parents have a legal obligation to provide for their children until they reach the age of 18. If she is now living with you as primary carer then the non-resident parent will have to pay maintenance. It might however just be easier for now to get the original maintenace order reduced to 0.

Getting a variation order on maintenance is pretty straightforward - your local district court will show you what documents need to be completed, they can't give legal advice but will give you help on completing the documentation. You don't need Soltrs for this.

Child benefit is more tricky - it's not just a question of telling SW that she is now living w. you. I think (but stand to be corrected) SW will need official docs from court confirming that Dad is now primary carer - this requires rather more than just the maintenance variation order. Given that it will end when she finishes school anyway I wonder would it be worth worrying about for now?

As well as that I don't think changing schools at this stage will do her any favours in regards to her final exams.

For what its worth this would be my advice; have Dad try and broker an agreement w. Mom to allow daughter remain at home and complete her final year. Perhaps Dad could have her for a mid-term/christmas/easter and take the pressure off that relationship (what ever is going on it's not nice for either of them).

Would daughter agree to attend some counselling sessions? - it might just help her get a handle on her behaviour...suspect Mom could do w. some help in that area also.

An excellent book I can recommend on relationships etc., (has a good section on teens) is Choice Theory by William Glasser.
 
Father brokered on the last two occasions as well as mother seing 'cash cow' disappearing....... Daughter attended psyco over last winter. Psyco said she was well balanced, angry and immature for her age, but other than that a normal teenager....

The last thing daughter wants is to be in Cork when her life is in Dublin, we have no problem with her being here, if only to let her know that some people live in harmony. There is another daughter involved but she is the 'sunshine out of h..e daughter' so she is smiling with mammy....

Thanks for your info. Kildrought, you are probably right about the child benefit but if push comes to shove, will visit District Court. Will that do even though Divorce is through Circuit Court.....
 
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Maintenance is separate from Divorce; proceedings are often done together for convenience but maintenance can be dealt with in district court.
 
I'd imagine the OP set up a 2nd account for anonymity. perhaps a mod would like to delete the latter post?
 
the suggestion I have is a bit left field but how about sending the 17 year old to boarding school for her final year? She is in LC year and i think thats what is important here, her mother is screwing around with her daughters potential to get at her ex.
I know you feel her friends are important but her Leaving cert is more important and also it would give you time to sort her parents situation.

Also stop telling her your out of town plans if you think she is planning ahead.
 
Given the original OP was asking questions about having the child benefit redirected, I hardly think she and her partner would be in a position to fork out for boarding school... The Leaving cert isn't everything, it can be repeated at a later time when the girl feels able...Not all careers require it either......
 
Lauren said:
Given the original OP was asking questions about having the child benefit redirected, I hardly think she and her partner would be in a position to fork out for boarding school... The Leaving cert isn't everything, it can be repeated at a later time when the girl feels able...Not all careers require it either......
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I "hardly think" it could not be afforded either Lauren (Paris trip being mentioned for me to surmise this). The reason I suggested boarding school is that it might help the 17 year old get a handle on life and not continue being a pawn in her mothers/parents tooing and fro'ing. I also seems OP is worried that messing in LC is not a good idea.
You are right it can be repeated if screwed up first time round.
 
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