1. Don't, under any circumstances, put yourself in a situation where you will be paying substantially more in rent in Dublin because you are on the hook for repaying the mortgage on the home in which another independent adult will live. That's madness. You need to cop on immensely on this point and rule it out as any sort of fair solution. It's patently most unfair. And why? Because you're the man? Renting is poverty in modern Dublin. Let her rent if she's such a big fan, and you stay in the family home. The entitlement is screaming from her - and you are far from the only man to get this deep sense of entitlement to the family home from your female ex-partner. Oh, and your 12-year-old son needs a loving, supportive father to be his rock in these years. Don't for a minute think you should play second fiddle to the child's mother as a parent to that young man. Far too many fathers really sell themselves short on this precise point - and a mountain of studies highlights the link between the absence of a male role model in the home and the problems of teenage boys. You need to look after yourself, specifically to provide a proper home for yourself, in order to provide for your son. You are his role model, and if you abnegate your duty to your son by giving his mother primary parenting rights, you have done a great disservice to your son's needs. You need to clearly assert your rights to equal parenting here - at least equal. Stop assuming she will get greater rights to parent your son. Can the judge ask your son at that age where he would like to stay? You need to find that out, because his answer could be a game changer in terms of what happens the family home.
2. First, you. As a separated/divorced person you are now treated as a first-time buyer (nobody has pointed this out). You, therefore, get any advantages which a first-time buyer receives, such as paying 10% deposit rather than 20%, and getting a mortgage for four times your income, with exceptions going to 4.5 times. In other words, on €70,000 per annum, you would be eligible for €280,000 mortgage, and up to €315,000. If you could show the ability to consistently rent a room (€14,000 tax free), you might be able to show greater repayment capacity and be eligible for a higher mortgage (this is far from certain). In the current environment, you could also take on a wide range of extra work and up your income; I increased my income by some 20%, according to my Employment Detail Summary for 2022. This means that I can now get four times that extra income in a mortgage, which greatly increases the houses available to me. Warning: it could also mean the judge punishes me if my ex is not, for her own tactical reasons, similarly upping her income (as she wants me to pay her from my now significantly higher income). Still, you have to think of your future and getting your income up higher to get a mortgage should be a priority (you can explain this to the judge, with copies of your previous years' income to show your usual income is significantly less)
3. Be creative: There is now the Croí Cónaithe/derelict homes grant, which has been extended to rural areas as well as urban and is worth €30,000 if you do up a derelict building, and €50,000 if it's one of the few officially (local authority) classified derelict houses. You can use Google Maps, Google Earth, etc to identify such places, approach the landowner and see if they'd be willing to sell. Yes, you probably will have to go further outside Dublin city and yes building costs are more expensive, but you will get better value than one of the many dodgy apartments in Dublin. A mortgage of €300,000 can go a lot further than you'd think if you start thinking outside the box about everything from the location of your job, whether you like your job, etc.
4. Second, your ex: Your child is 12 so your ex should be out working and earning, for a long time now, significantly more than €30,000. She helped raise a single child, not six or seven children. Most judges will not tolerate any sort of 'béal bocht' from an independent, fully grown adult who is hoping to lean on the decidedly modest income of another adult by playing the gender card. The equality agenda has two sides so don't assume things about what she will get because she's a woman.
5. There are also a variety of affordable housing initiatives which you can both apply for and you need to contact the housing section of your local authority to find out all of these. It is well worth writing down the various schemes, completion dates, etc.
6. Your ex is paid €30,000 per annum, so at 4 times income she should get a mortgage of €120,000 (possibly €135,000 if she gets the 4.5 exception). If you have €90,000 equity when you sell your current property, and you take c. €30,000 (for your 10% deposit for your €300,000 mortgage) you will very generously give her c. €60,000. So, she will have a budget of c. €195,000 for a home. Myhome.ie has the following 2-bed homes in Dublin under €275,000, 34 of these 2-bed homes are under €200,000:
https://www.myhome.ie/residential/dublin/property-for-sale?maxprice=275000&minbeds=2 If you could stretch to a 3-bed, you could gain valuable extra income from the 3rd room, and provide a room for your son.
In other words, even assuming the houses above go for more than their asking prices (check the ppr register for recent sales in the area to give you a guideline of the expected real selling price), you could both find two 2-bedroom homes in Dublin where your child will have access to both parents and you, the man, do not have to rent substandard, obscenely priced accommodation until your 12-year-old is 23 years old (assuming he will attend third level)
7. At 8pm this coming Monday (and most Mondays), in Clarke's pub in Phibsboro the Talk2Us group meet. You will get advice on how to proceed with your divorce, and help with the various legal forms. You can do much of the initial work on your own, and get a solicitor if it gets more complex. Ring any of the people on this website for a chat about the process, or just turn up at the weekly meeting:
https://www.talk2us.ie/
