Wedding Costs

[joejoe]

Most people like to be extravgent at some time or another whether it is buying a larger home, latest gadgets, badge cars etc and a wedding is no different. A big wedding is a tradition and shouldn't be scoffed at by those with little interest in it, it really is a case of each to their own. Ballyman, you do sound bitter regarding your contempt for people spending money on one day and in particular the bride, but its not that mad really and I don't think anyone is going to sacrifice their kids education for the price of their wedding.

Allot of people that are getting married don't have kids, so its only later they see the problems (when they have kids + Loan + mortgage + another loan + credit card + HP + Overdraft (Ireland is on of the most in debt countries per head of population in the world)).

If people want to spend the money thats good for them, and the hotel and the dress shop and the ...... and so on and on. Its not so good, if they can not afford it, that's where I see the problem (years of problems and debt for one day, maddness).

Ballyman, to me sound's like a reasonable enough lad, just giving a different perspective than the others, and seems to be getting a bit of stick for it. I have been married a couple of years now and could not afford a big wedding even so pressure was put on me and my then girl friend to have a 'traditional Irish wedding', we didn't give in and we happy about that now. We have a very healthy bank balance now and are well able to provide for our son and our expectant child. Our marriage was / is about us and the rest of our life's and very importantly our children's life's, we dont have to work long long hours to pay the loans we have time to bring up our child and give him all the love and patient he needs, why put pressure on your marriage and family from the start if you don't need to?

In any case I wish all the couples out there getting married the best, its great to see that what ever about your spending habbit's, you are doing the right thing and bring a child or children up on a family.

Joejoe

 

[Seagull]

I don't have any problem with people setting up a wedding list at a store, as long as they have a range of items to suit all budgets. I don't view it as a requirement to go to that store and get something from their list. It's not always practical for the guests to make it to the store. Some people like it, as it means they know that they're getting the couple something that they want. I'm not keen on the cash only option.

 

[liaconn]

I think specifying'cash only' is very insenstive as it puts people who are not very well off in a very awkward position. At least, with a gift, they can go for something thoughtful and personal but that doesn't cost much. I know you can refuse the invitation, but once you've been invited to a wedding you still tend to buy a gift, whether you attend the event or not.

 

[Sunny]

I think specifying'cash only' is very insenstive as it puts people who are not very well off in a very awkward position. At least, with a gift, they can go for something thoughtful and personal but that doesn't cost much. I know you can refuse the invitation, but once you've been invited to a wedding you still tend to buy a gift, whether you attend the event or not.

I am willing to bet that no-one has ever put cash only on an invite. Most couples only specify what they would prefer whether that be cash or a gift from a list or don't specify anything. They are hardly going to turn around and return your gift because it wasn't cash or wasn't on the list so there is nothing to stop anyone buying a small personal gift.

I still don't see what is so insenstive or offensive about couples stating that preference. At least it is no more offensive than getting loads of unwanted gifts and then having to either return them for money or pass them on to other people. I think every vase in my house is someone elses unwanted wedding gift.

 

[liaconn]

The point is, if you make it very clear you want cash, people who can't afford to write a cheque for the 'going rate' are going to feel very uncomfortable about the whole business. Yes, they know their gift won't be handed back, but that doesn't lessen the awkwardness they might feel. If people specifically ring and ask if you'd like cash, that's fine, but blatantly requesting it is just a bit 'in your face' in my opinion.

 

[msmyth]

The point is, if you make it very clear you want cash, people who can't afford to write a cheque for the 'going rate' are going to feel very uncomfortable about the whole business. Yes, they know their gift won't be handed back, but that doesn't lessen the awkwardness they might feel. If people specifically ring and ask if you'd like cash, that's fine, but blatantly requesting it is just a bit 'in your face' in my opinion.

Exactly the point. Mention of money on an invite to watch a couple join in holy matrimony is just crass, rude, looks cheap and makes the couple look insincere. In this day and age people generally cop on that if you're already living together that money would be more useful, therefore there's no need to go mentioning it on the invite. As an invitee I would like to think that the couple are so caught up in planning their future lives together that putting dollar signs onto the invite should be the last thing on their minds. From reading the debate going on here you risk alienating about half of the people that you invite so I would say it's a big no no.

 

[CN624]

I got an invitation last year that said "no Coast dresses please ladies". it didn't state if the gentlemen could wear them!!

That would probably have caused more offense than asking for cold hard cash! Is Coast too common these days?

 

[roland]

Following on from other topics, on this site- How much have people paid or would pay for their wedding. .....

Never ceases to amaze me how people can convince themselves to spend so much money, and so much of their friends' money, on one day's relatively average entertainment. The fact is that most people do not like attending weddings, and many couples themselves don't even enjoy it. Between the 'required' presents, clothes, hotel accommodation, drinks etc. the costs are just crazy. And for what? The opportunity to share 'in our special day'? I doubt it. There's usually little special about sitting in a dull hotel room with 100/200 other people you don't know, eating dull food and listening to heinous music from one of the bands from hell, known to us all as 'the wedding band'. Then there is the time off needed for the stag/hen, the wedding day, the day after etc. For the couple themselves and those around them, there is often months/years of planning taken up. On any rational basis, this is all crazy stuff for what it is.

If people want to do it then fine and perhaps they convince themselves it's worth it. If people do have special memories of their day, more power to them. But the costs are usually so disproportionate to their usual spending that it quickly becomes entirely irrational. It seems to me that most people do it without even questioning it. The weight of society/family pressure to have 'the big day out' is just enormous. It's like the Xmas party season. It takes more effort to explain why you are not partaking than to just do it anyway 'cos you're expected to. It's takes a brave person to stand up to it and make the bleeding obvious decision to not partake in this madness.

 

[Sunny]

That would probably have caused more offense than asking for cold hard cash! Is Coast too common these days?

Maybe the bride bought her dress in Coast and didn't want anyone else turning up in it which is fair enough.

 

[Sunny]

From reading the debate going on here you risk alienating about half of the people that you invite so I would say it's a big no no.

So you are saying that if a close member of your family or close friend (and they are the only weddings I personally go to) mentioned that they would prefer cash gifts when sending out the invites, they would alienate you?

 

[liaconn]

If my brother or sister or one of my very close friends mentioned to me privately that they would prefer cash to a gift that would be fine. I would think it highly inappropriate, however, to specify it in writing on a wedding invitation.

 

[Sunny]

If my brother or sister or one of my very close friends mentioned to me privately that they would prefer cash to a gift that would be fine. I would think it highly inappropriate, however, to specify it in writing on a wedding invitation.

I have never seen it written on an invite. Any weddings I have been to that some people on this thread would have found offensive have included a wedding list where it states that any cash gifts would be gratefully accpeted. Some people think that giving cash is offensive or afraid they will be seen as lazy and spend their time stressing out about gifts etc. Maybe couples just want to avoid this as well and are the not the greedy insenstive offensive people they are being portrayed as on this thread.

I don't get how you can find someone writing down that they would prefer cash offensive but not if they say it privately on a one-to-one basis. So basically it is ok if I don't put it on the invite but instead ring everyone up and say it to them??

 

[msmyth]

Yes it would, happened this weekend actually that my bf's family each received a wedding invite with an abrupt letter inside saying that the couple wanted cash and not presents. End result was much giving out about the couple and their lack of manners and none of the family are attending the wedding. To add to the insult there was also a price list for the hotel included in the invite, £240 per night and it's on in England so there's flight involved as well. My bf had intended on sending a gift since we were invited and all but now he's refusing to!

 

[Sunny]

Yes it would, happened this weekend actually that my bf's family each received a wedding invite with an abrupt letter inside saying that the couple wanted cash and not presents. End result was much giving out about the couple and their lack of manners and none of the family are attending the wedding. To add to the insult there was also a price list for the hotel included in the invite, £240 per night and it's on in England so there's flight involved as well. My bf had intended on sending a gift since we were invited and all but now he's refusing to!

You don't have to stay in the £240 hotel so not sure what that has to do with anything or what is insulting about it.

You chose not to attend the wedding of family member/close friend because they had the cheek to ask for a monetary gift instead of having you spend it on a gift?

Why do people act as if wedding lists, requests for cash, gifts in general are compulsory. If you feel so strongly that the event is turning out to be some commercial exercise by the couple involved, don't give anything at all or just give something small. Its then their problem if they are offended. Just as it is your problem and not the couples if you are offended by a couple requesting prefering money as a gift.

 

[liaconn]

If a couple state that 'they want cash not gifts' then they are forcing you to give cash by making it very clear that other gifts are not wanted and won't be appreciated.

 

[Trent]

Yes it would, happened this weekend actually that my bf's family each received a wedding invite with an abrupt letter inside saying that the couple wanted cash and not presents. End result was much giving out about the couple and their lack of manners and none of the family are attending the wedding. To add to the insult there was also a price list for the hotel included in the invite, £240 per night and it's on in England so there's flight involved as well. My bf had intended on sending a gift since we were invited and all but now he's refusing to!

You're right to stand for what you believe in. However, you should probably send a small gift just as a token for the day that's in it. Ignore the cash request - it's the thought that counts. Life's too short to fall out with people over these things. Just do what suits you - you're not answerable to anyone else.

 

[batty]

Maybe the bride bought her dress in Coast and didn't want anyone else turning up in it which is fair enough.

So you think it's o.k. for a bride to dictate where a guest is not allowed to buy their clothing to wear?? It's bridezilla a step too far!

 

[Sunny]

So you think it's o.k. for a bride to dictate where a guest is not allowed to buy their clothing to wear?? It's bridezilla a step too far!

I am a guy so couldn't care less what people wear but even I can see why a bride wouldn't want anyone else turning up to the wedding in the same dress. If that means asking people not to wear coast dresses to avoid her feeling awkward, then so be it. Suppose it is her own fault though for buying something off the rack.

 

[Sunny]

If a couple state that 'they want cash not gifts' then they are forcing you to give cash by making it very clear that other gifts are not wanted and won't be appreciated.

So whats your problem? Either give them what they want or don't give them anything. If they are offended after you making the effort to go to their big day, thats their problem, not yours.

 

[deedee80]

battyRe: Wedding Costs
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunny http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?p=604023#post604023
Maybe the bride bought her dress in Coast and didn't want anyone else turning up in it which is fair enough.

So you think it's o.k. for a bride to dictate where a guest is not allowed to buy their clothing to wear?? It's bridezilla a step too far!

I actually heard about this on another site. Think the bridesmaid dresses were from Coast. I'd be fairly happy for the heads up to be honest as would be a bit morto if I was wearing the same as the bridesmaids! I would take no offence to it whatsoever.