Translating Estate Agent Gruff

R

redo

Registered User
Messages
295
Ever look read a description of a property on the ever popular property home website and read with incredulity the glowing descriptions the Estate Agent manage to come out with. I'll start the ball rolling. (Hopefully we can force EA to give more honest accounts).

"Prepare to be stunned....."

stun [broken link removed] ([FONT=verdana,sans-serif] P [/FONT]) Pronunciation Key (st[broken link removed]n)
tr.v. stunned, stun·ning, stuns
  1. To daze or render senseless, by or as if by a blow.
  2. To overwhelm or daze with a loud noise.
  3. To stupefy, as with the emotional impact of an experience; astound. See Synonyms at daze.
n. A blow or shock that stupefies.
 
Say what you like about them but most of the estate agents that I know are not gruff.
 
ClubMan said:
Say what you like about them but most of the estate agents that I know are not gruff.
Click to expand...
Thanks, mind you, not them personally, just the properties they try to big-up.
 
"Only an hour to Dublin....."

Of course they fail the mention the Co. part
 
What has all this got to do with gruff estate agents?????

gruff
adj. gruff·er, gruff·est
  1. Brusque or stern in manner or appearance: a gruff reply.
  2. Hoarse; harsh: a gruff voice.

Let he who is without sin...........
 
A sample from a quick search on MyHome.ie

"Affordable cosy property"
(cosy=small/cramped)

"Beside the proposed new Luas line"
(proposed by developer... I could propose or suggest anything... might'nt be realised though)

"A splendid opportunity"
(opportunity?! you can say that about anything - "I have a magnificent opportunity to purchase a packet of Salt & Vinger crisps.. talk about ..bullsh...)

"tranquil property"
(middle of nowhere...)

"Immaculately presented"
(wow - they actually bothered to ensure the property was relatively clean before presenting it to you...)

"Gracious and elegant proportions are the hallmarks of this most impressive bow-windowed family home where a warm and welcoming ambience awaits you"
(I just had to include that one!)

"Walking distance to city centre"
(in relation to a property in Donnybrook... thats a decent walk)

"Eircom Phone Watch Alarm System"
(it's a €2,500,000 property and that is a vital selling point!?)

"charming village"
(in relation to Clondalkin... a area that wikipedia claims had a population of 57,000 in 1996.... some village... and Sligo with it's 20k is a city? yeah some messed up country we live in...)

"This Exceptional property"
(how can a house in the heart of a 150 unit houseing estate be exceptional - there's 149 properties the exact same!!)

"situated in a leafy avenue "
(theres a wild bush growing in the ditch outside my house... does that count?)

"large garage suitable for conversion"
(if they state this as a selling point does that not suggest the existing price now incorporates a premium to take account of the potential profit of such a conversion? Like if Ryanairs profits are expected to increase 30% in the next year, the current price already reflects this to a certain degree...)

"ample off street parking"
(in other words, this propery has a driveway...)

''Seldom does a home so perfectly finished come to the market but purchasers have found a real gem in..."
(again, I had to include this)

"Without hesitation it is my pleasure to introduce..."
(well if I was earn such a fat commission, i'd be all smiles too)

Please Note: I have nothing against estates agents; the above are just a few cheap remarks from an overtly smug prick who's all geared up to go to the Oxegen concert in a few hours!
 
CCOVICH said:
What has all this got to do with gruff estate agents?????

gruff
adj. gruff·er, gruff·est
  1. Brusque or stern in manner or appearance: a gruff reply.
  2. Hoarse; harsh: a gruff voice.
Let he who is without sin...........
Click to expand...
Touchè:p

Didn't the Irish Times have a section in their property section years ago about Estate Agents Gruff?
 
CGorman said:
A sample from a quick search on MyHome.ie

"Affordable cosy property"
(cosy=small/cramped)

"Beside the proposed new Luas line"
(proposed by developer... I could propose or suggest anything... might'nt be realised though)

"A splendid opportunity"
(opportunity?! you can say that about anything - "I have a magnificent opportunity to purchase a packet of Salt & Vinger crisps.. talk about ..bullsh...)

"tranquil property"
(middle of nowhere...)

"Immaculately presented"
(wow - they actually bothered to ensure the property was relatively clean before presenting it to you...)

"Gracious and elegant proportions are the hallmarks of this most impressive bow-windowed family home where a warm and welcoming ambience awaits you"
(I just had to include that one!)

"Walking distance to city centre"
(in relation to a property in Donnybrook... thats a decent walk)

"Eircom Phone Watch Alarm System"
(it's a €2,500,000 property and that is a vital selling point!?)

"charming village"
(in relation to Clondalkin... a area that wikipedia claims had a population of 57,000 in 1996.... some village... and Sligo with it's 20k is a city? yeah some messed up country we live in...)

"This Exceptional property"
(how can a house in the heart of a 150 unit houseing estate be exceptional - there's 149 properties the exact same!!)

"situated in a leafy avenue "
(theres a wild bush growing in the ditch outside my house... does that count?)

"large garage suitable for conversion"
(if they state this as a selling point does that not suggest the existing price now incorporates a premium to take account of the potential profit of such a conversion? Like if Ryanairs profits are expected to increase 30% in the next year, the current price already reflects this to a certain degree...)

"ample off street parking"
(in other words, this propery has a driveway...)

''Seldom does a home so perfectly finished come to the market but purchasers have found a real gem in..."
(again, I had to include this)

"Without hesitation it is my pleasure to introduce..."
(well if I was earn such a fat commission, i'd be all smiles too)

Please Note: I have nothing against estates agents; the above are just a few cheap remarks from an overtly smug prick who's all geared up to go to the Oxegen concert in a few hours!
Click to expand...

Enjoy the gig. I had a 29 yrs old cousin who came down from the north to see the Ozzy concert a couple years ago. I dropped him off at Punchestown but quick realised that he left something in his car. Quickly turning back and passing two goth chicks beside him, I rolled down the window and shouted. "John, your forgot your sandwitches". His mother insisted that she made him something to eat. The poor bloke. He went purple.
 
redo said:
Touchè:p

Didn't the Irish Times have a section in their property section years ago about Estate Agents Gruff?
Click to expand...

I don't know. Are you sure it wasn't on guff?????????????
 
Sorry, I wasn't a great fan of estate agent English anyway, but

this caught my attention. The blog entry is mine, the ad it points to, however...is not.

I wouldn't mind but I would be on for renovating a wreck of the price of said wreck made sense to me...so I do actually look for ads like this.
 
Some great examples there but I'm surprised not to see my own two "favourites"

"Deceptively spacious"
trans: "it looks really pokey"

and

"Close to every conceivable amenity"
trans: "we can't be bothered finding out what it is near, but we are sure that there it at least a SPAR and a bus stop somewhere in the general vacinity"
 
golden mean said:
Some great examples there but I'm surprised not to see my own two "favourites"

"Deceptively spacious"
trans: "it looks really pokey"

and

"Close to every conceivable amenity"
trans: "we can't be bothered finding out what it is near, but we are sure that there it at least a SPAR and a bus stop somewhere in the general vacinity"
Click to expand...
Nice
 
"The current vendors have spared no expense"

- I don't like tacky decking from B&Q
 
My personal favourite is .... "attention DIY enthusiasts" ... when there is a tree growing out of the roof and cattle in the sitting room!
Another one I find amusing is ... "has fallen into disrepair in recent years" ... without a roof, and missing at least one of the four walls.
 
But then you have Green Valley Properties (main region = west of Ireland) who don't bother with the flowery language...
Derelict stonebuilt cottage, complete with tree growing out of it, plus derelict outbuilding on circa 0.69 acres, approx 2 km from the village of Tulla, on quiet side road. Empty for decades. One for the restoration enthusiast. Lots of ivy. [broken link removed]
Click to expand...
 
I wish Green Valley Properties sold houses in south Dublin- it would make refreshing reading!

Their website "afforded me ample opportunity" to have a good laugh.
"Early viewing recommended"!!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top