To work or not to work , baby due , what to do ! !

Rigoletto said:
there you go again putting the word Business in the same sentence as children.
children are not a business and please rethink the bra burning, its terrible for the carbon footprint.
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What was that whooshing noise?
Oh yes - it was the noise of Rigolettos credibility falling off the thread.

Rigoletto - now that youre making such funny comments I cant take anything you said earlier seriously!
 
Rigoletto said:
you are seriously being way too hard on yourself.
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Oh but I am not, Rigoletto. This thread has shown me the error of my ways. I am a terrible, terrible human being. I have no backbone, unlike those wonderful, mythical women of previous generations. I have chosen to work over staying with my wee babies at home. Surely that must make me unfit for whatever it was I was supposed to be doing? I don't know, with all that equality and binge drinking I have been doing lately, I keep forgetting.

And worse of all - where's my bra???? Oh heck, I burned it!!! The shame.
 
Keep this going guys, it’s the funniest thread in ages.
Who would have thought misogyny could be such a laugh.

To any women poster getting upset; don’t worry your little heads about it, just get back to making the tea in your dead end jobs :rolleyes:
 
I am a middle aged woman who has three adult children whom my husband and I reared with the help of child minders while we both worked full time. To stay on topic and answer the OP's question, sorry, nobody can answer for you. You have to make the decision based on your personal circustances, your family's well being( working ourside the home with children is hard going and you need to be organised so as to have a stress free time as possible with the children and spouse), your families economic situation and the quality of childcare available. In every situation, there are pros and cons. Anyone who tells you that there is one right way has a lot to learn; if you , your spouse/partner and the child are happy , then that is the right way.
 
Brianne said:
I am a middle aged woman who has three adult children whom my husband and I reared with the help of child minders while we both worked full time. To stay on topic and answer the OP's question, sorry, nobody can answer for you. You have to make the decision based on your personal circustances, your family's well being( working ourside the home with children is hard going and you need to be organised so as to have a stress free time as possible with the children and spouse), your families economic situation and the quality of childcare available. In every situation, there are pros and cons. Anyone who tells you that there is one right way has a lot to learn; if you , your spouse/partner and the child are happy , then that is the right way.
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Well said!
 
Don 08
If I had a daughter I would tell her to think long and hard before having children. I would advice her once she has children THEY must come first regardless of her own desires and wants and if she truly feels she cannot make that sacrifice in the best interests of her child dont have children.
 
Sandrat


Thanks for the comment re my future daughter in law. I cant possibly comment on what she will think of me, however she may thank me for giving her an kind, caring, non aggressive, independent,emotionally stable husband. The other point is that if you truly believe you are doing the best for your child live with it. Dont feel guilty about it. I am amazed that so many women feel guilty about their choice. I dont because I am happy with what I have done, so should you be otherwise dont do it.
 
jubi said:
Don 08
If I had a daughter I would tell her to think long and hard before having children. I would advice her once she has children THEY must come first regardless of her own desires and wants and if she truly feels she cannot make that sacrifice in the best interests of her child dont have children.
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I would NEVER give that kind of advice to anyone!!!
People have to look after themselves first, then their kids - no point not looking after number 1, you might not be there to raise the kids if you dont look after yourself. That kind of an attitude breeds co-dependency - which is a nasty place to be.

Its all just about pushing guilt on people. Its not a healthy balanced world view at all. Insular, unhealthy - indoctrinating a child to believe there is only one way that is the right way - not encouraging someone to follow their dreams.

I would think thats more damaging to any child than a creche.
 
jubi said:
Sandrat


Thanks for the comment re my future daughter in law. I cant possibly comment on what she will think of me, however she may thank me for giving her an kind, caring, non aggressive, independent,emotionally stable husband. The other point is that if you truly believe you are doing the best for your child live with it. Dont feel guilty about it. I am amazed that so many women feel guilty about their choice. I dont because I am happy with what I have done, so should you be otherwise dont do it.
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At the moment I am a perfect mother, I am still breastfeeding my 7 and a half month old daughter and don't intend on going back to work until she is a couple of weeks short of a year having used all my paid and unpaid leave and holidays from 2008. Of course then I will return to my "dead end job", This apparently makes me a bad mother. I hope to return to work 4 days a week using my holidays to take one day off per week. My husband hopes to take 1 day off a week parental leave. This is the maximum we can afford but it means we will spend 4 days a week "rearing" our daughter and she will spend 3 days "abandoned". This is the best we can do so this is the best for thing for us.
 
Truthseeker

strangly enough although I put my son first I still take care of myself, Guess what I read, listen to music, visit friends and lead a happy full life, Further when you talk about co -dependency not being healthy do you mean it is wrong for my son to rely on me to care and nurture him. This post will be deleted if not edited immediately I must pack his little case tonight and send him off incase god forbid he needs me. this notion of yours suggests that we should all live an individualistic life and adopt the im alright jack attitude, brilliant philosophy if I was living on a deserted island.
 
Don't understand all this "bored" crap comes from - I'd rather be bored at home with my child than run ragged for little or no money at work! It's only natural for a small child to want to be with their mother, they are only young for a short time - extra toys, designer clothes, fancy holidays don't make up for a parent not being there for the child. They will only be 2 years of age once remember !!! Do people not realise that when you have a child something 'gives' - your life is changes for ever - that doesn't mean it is a bad thing. Go on - give it a go - stay at home & you will enjoy your child - seriously they are a gift - until they are teenagers of course - then they are just pains in the A....
From a mother of 2 who are now in their 20's - back at work since they went to 2nd level - was sometimes frustrated being at home - but haven't regretted it - honestly
 
Am interested to see some of this home based vs career woman placed in historic context. I was brought up by a home based mother in the 60s and 70s. Lots of my friends had mothers that worked - despite the marriage bar it was quite normal. Mothers worked on farms, in the family shop, other businesses, went back to teaching or civil service as widows, taught drama or sports in schools etc etc.

The idea that a working woman is new or the result of modern financial aspirations or neediness is wrong. There's a harking back to a mythical "Enid Blyton" world that only exisited in fiction in the 1950s. Get real. In most of history men and women worked. Hello there?
 
TLC said:
Don't understand all this "bored" crap comes from - I'd rather be bored at home with my child than run ragged for little or no money at work! It's only natural for a small child to want to be with their mother, they are only young for a short time - extra toys, designer clothes, fancy holidays don't make up for a parent not being there for the child. They will only be 2 years of age once remember !!! Do people not realise that when you have a child something 'gives' - your life is changes for ever - that doesn't mean it is a bad thing. Go on - give it a go - stay at home & you will enjoy your child - seriously they are a gift - until they are teenagers of course - then they are just pains in the A....
From a mother of 2 who are now in their 20's - back at work since they went to 2nd level - was sometimes frustrated being at home - but haven't regretted it - honestly
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excellen post! Hear hear!
 
jubi said:
Don 08
If I had a daughter I would tell her to think long and hard before having children. I would advice her once she has children THEY must come first regardless of her own desires and wants and if she truly feels she cannot make that sacrifice in the best interests of her child dont have children.
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It may be a funny thread but this is a truly sad comment.
 
sandrat said:
At the moment I am a perfect mother, I am still breastfeeding my 7 and a half month old daughter and don't intend on going back to work until she is a couple of weeks short of a year having used all my paid and unpaid leave and holidays from 2008. Of course then I will return to my "dead end job", This apparently makes me a bad mother. I hope to return to work 4 days a week using my holidays to take one day off per week. My husband hopes to take 1 day off a week parental leave. This is the maximum we can afford but it means we will spend 4 days a week "rearing" our daughter and she will spend 3 days "abandoned". This is the best we can do so this is the best for thing for us.
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Not only are you a perfect mother now but you will be too when you go back to work. You do not have to justify yourself in any way on here. You will always be the best mother to your child. There is no reason why the best for you is not the best for you both.
 
jubi said:
Truthseeker

strangly enough although I put my son first I still take care of myself, Guess what I read, listen to music, visit friends and lead a happy full life, Further when you talk about co -dependency not being healthy do you mean it is wrong for my son to rely on me to care and nurture him. This post will be deleted if not edited immediately I must pack his little case tonight and send him off incase god forbid he needs me. this notion of yours suggests that we should all live an individualistic life and adopt the im alright jack attitude, brilliant philosophy if I was living on a deserted island.
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Co-dependency is when your happiness is dependant on someone elses and when you make unwanted sacrifices at your own expense for someone elses well being. You said you would tell a daughter that a child must come first regardless of her own desires - thats encouraging co-dependency.

Do you think its healthy to pass on an attitude to a son that a woman must give up work to raise a child?
How do you think that will affect his view of womens place in the world?

Would you discourage a daughter from further education or a successful career if she expressed an interest in having children someday?

I dont think that its bad form that you stay at home to raise your son - but this holier than thou attitude that every mother who works is a bad mother and that only your way is the right way is very narrow minded.
 
TLC said:
Don't understand all this "bored" crap comes from - I'd rather be bored at home with my child than run ragged for little or no money at work!
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How about for a lot of money? Would that work better?

Some women (shock horror) have good jobs these days.
 
Huge assumptions on this thread that women work in 'dead end' jobs, or they are 'run ragged for little or no money'.

Do people realise that women actually hold jobs where they earn just as much money as male counterparts!
 
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