Promiscuity and friend - worried

E

elainem

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I have a friend who is going out with a guy who I and a lot of my friends know has slept with hundreds of women and rumour has it that he has attended brothels in our home town.

My friend is going out with him - not alone has he a dreadful reputation, but he is not a nice person - was known to be violent towards his ex-wife. Just concerned for her. When I expressed my concerns, she told me I was a 'prude' - feel a bit old fashioned after my conversation with her. All of us are concerned, not just that she will get hurt, but that she is putting herself at risk healthwise too.

Just wondered if others think I am being prudish in this day and age, and what advice would any of you give.

Come from a very Catholic background myself, so probably not the best one to provide a listening ear to her.
 
You've given your advice, it wasn't wanted, so there's not much else you can do except continue to be her friend and be there to help pick up the pieces if it goes wrong.
 
I'd also be very careful about believing rumours about someone. particularly in a small town. There can be a lot more smoke than fire!
 
she is an adult and consenting. You may be sensible not prudish. I hate the rumour mill myself but do think there is never smoke with out fire.
I'd let her get on with it and it might just run it's course.
 
Small towns can be invasive,smothering, Curtain twitching and filled with Chinese whispers that grow arms and legs.

J26 gives the best advice and unless you know for an absolute 1st hand fact then I would be careful how you handle this.

How do your friends know that he slept with hundreds of women. They could not possibly know this or that he frequents brothels.
 
niceoneted said:
I hate the rumour mill myself but do think there is never smoke with out fire.
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I personally know at least 2 people who were wrongly accused of acts of violence by ex-wives (both subsequently laughed out of court) in attempts to pressure them into giving up rights to either property and/or children so to claim that there is "no smoke without [sic] fire" is quite frankly despicable

Do you also think that the Birmingham Six and Guildford Four were guilty?
 
I don't think you're being prudish at all and your friend was probably using the word in a defensive way. However, as others have said, if she doesn't want to listen to your advice you'll just have to leave her to it. She'll probably find things out the hard way in the end.
 
If this is a close friend of yours you could try and establish if the rumours (esp violence related) about this guy have substance. At this stage you could shed some more light for your friend.
 
Even if you disagree with her let her know you're still her friend and there for her. If it all goes worng she may not come to you for help if she feels she may get an 'i told you so'
 
She's an adult, so she's allowed live her life however she wants, even if it's not how you would choose to live your own life.

Sex isn't dirty or bad, or in any way "wrong", so his sexual history shouldn't be held against him. And you have no evidence whatsoever that he is diseased.

Regardless, in my own experience, interfering with others people's relationships (no matter how good the intention) never works. So you should leave her be and worry about your own life. :)

You sound like a good friend though. I hope she realises this.
 
Promiscuity and Friend

Thanks everyone for you advice. I've just decided not to say any more to my friend and hopefully things will be allright. Can't verify whether the violence issue is accurate or not - small towns are so full of rumours and ex wives and indeed ex girlfriends can add to roumours. Re. the promiscuity - I know three of the women he had affiars with. The rest of our circle of friends can recount other stories of his womanising, but I don't know whether these have been added to in the telling. Anyway, you all are right - she is an adult!

Thanks to all of you for your comments and advice.
 
Had affairs with? What does this mean. Is this the same as had a relationship with?

If affairs, was he married? If he was not married was the women he had a relationship married. If they were married then that's them doing something wrong.

Is there a hint of jealousy among the women he hasn't made a pass at:)
 
if she doesn't want to listen to, there's nothing you can do but stay around and be her shoulder to cry on when she learns the hard way.
 
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