Paying bridesmaids costs

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Can anyone explain the etiquette of what the bride is expected to pay for the bridesmaids (3) and mum of bride? All 4 want hair up-styles and make up done on day, and want hair and makeup trials beforehand. There will also be tanning, manicures, pedicures; also dresses, shoes, accessories. What does the bride normally cover for bridesmaids and mum of bride, and what should they pay themselves? Don't want to appear mean, but paying for wedding ourselves.
 
When you say they want x, y and z, is this what you want for them or are they insisting?

If it's the former, it's reasonable that you pay. If it's the latter, you have to ask why you should pay for their preening when it's your day. A good friend would take reasonable steps to look well on your behalf without attempting to step into centre stage. On the other hand, if you're insisting on minimum standards (e.g. that they have to be professionally groomed), why should they be expected to pay.
 
If I was a bridesmaid I would expect the bride to pay for my dress and shoes. I Certainly wouldn't expect her to fork out for tanning, pedicures and manicures. If I wanted those, I'd pay myself. I've never heard of the bride having to pay for her mother's outfit and beauty treatments.
 
It'd be standard to pay for the Bridesmaids dress, shoes, and if you want particular matching accessories for them to wear (eg same necklace, same bag, same hairpiece or whatever), those also.

Other than that, it's up to your own generosity what you choose to pay for. I certainly wouldn't expect (unless as stated above, you want a specific type of updo for all BMs that you personally are insisting on) the Bride to have to pay for nails, tan, makeup, hair, or whatever, and definitely not a trial session either. Who is getting married, them or you???

It's down to them to look presentable on the day once their outfit has been provided, whether they choose to do their own hair and make-up or pay to get it done is their own choice, but also out of their own pockets if they want to go the whole hog.

As for the MOB, I haven't heard of any tradition where the bride pays for her outfit/manicure/pedi/hair/tan/makeup.
 
Before we got married, my wife had a good friend who turned into bridezilla. My wife was a bridesmaid for her, but the bride was incredibly cheap, making her pay for the dress and shoes that she specified as well as hair makeup etc. My wife was far too polite to complain about it, but she has barely spoken to the girl since (She bought the cheapest things off the wedding list in silent protest!), and refused to make her her a bridesmaid at her wedding (even though I suggested that would be a good time to recoup her losses).

Due to that experience, she paid for everything for the bridesmaids at our wedding.
 
A 'normal' bride would pay for the hair and make up on the day, aswell as the dress, shoes & Accessories.

A very generous (in my eyes daft) bride would pay for all the other stuff and probably accomodation for the wedding night.

It is totally up to you what you can and cannot pay for, but above is what I would call standard!

As for mother of bride usually would pay for hair and make up on wedding day, as usually all would go to the same salon for all, and the bride would pay!
My tu'pence worth anyway!
 
Sylvester3 said:
Before we got married, my wife had a good friend who turned into bridezilla.
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I think this happens quite often. I think people often agree to being bridesmaids without really wanting to and feel they therefore "deserve" to get as much themselves from the experience as they can.

An honest coversation initiated by the bride-to-be along the lines of "here's what I expect of you......if you're not up for it, I understand but tell me now..... " might be the way to go and would confront certain "emotional" difficulties before they get too problematic nearer the day.
 
We're getting married in the not too distant future and personally I would pay for everything for the wedding party...accomodation, outfits, and hair/make up/etc for the girls. The mother of the bride should paty for her own outfit as that's a separate issue. The way I see it is that it'sa little cheeky to ask someone to be a bridemaid or best man/groomsman and then expect trhem to pay for wedding related stuff. Yes the girls would be wearing make up etc normally but they wouldn't (probably) be going to salons on the morning of the wedding.
 
It isn't the norm to pay for the Mother of the bride. Don't think any mother would either want it or expect it as they will already know that their child is under financial stress with the rest of the wedding costs.

With the bridesmaids, it's been traditional to pay for the dress, the shoes, handbag and hair piece (feathery or glittery thing or whatever it might be). Its normally the case that you buy a necklace to go with this outfit and this is their gift for being a bridesmaid.

I wouldn't even dream of paying for their tanning, pedicures, manicures, make up etc. They are also a guest at your wedding and would have done this themselves had they not been chosen as bridesmaids and just regular guests.

Whilst it wasn't the norm to get their hair done and it used only be the bride that went to her own hair dressers on the morning of the wedding, some people now choose to employ the services of a hairdresser to come to the house. If that's what you are doing, you will probably end up paying for them ok and it's not the end of the world. But I'd definitely, let everyone know, including the hairdresser that you are to be dealt with first. YOU are the bride, not them and its you and your Fiance's big day. No one elses.
 
TDON said:
I wouldn't even dream of paying for their tanning, pedicures, manicures, make up etc. They are also a guest at your wedding and would have done this themselves had they not been chosen as bridesmaids and just regular guests.
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That's really at the heart of it. At what point do they stop being your friend and start acting as a professional service provider. It should be an honour to be asked to be someone's bridesmaid and if they can't see that, they shouldn't be there.

Next, they'll expect to be paid a fee just like the band, photographer, etc.
 
Personally, I would not pay for make-up trials, tans, manicures & pedicures. At 30-40 € for a make-up trial, it can work out very expensive especially if you have a couple of trials (I had 3 trials before I found a make-up artist that I liked - an extra €90 that I hadn't considered in my budget!). I only had 1 bridesmaid so didn't mind covering these costs for her (she's my sister & I did make her work for it!! :D).

Check out some of the discussions on www.weddingsonline.ie too.
 
Fair enough, perhaps I don't know what I'm talking about but usually when a girl is going to a wedding as a normal guest she won't be going for specific hair designs or specific make up stuff decided on by the bride...am I right? I'm not suggesting paying for stuff in the run up to the wedding...I mean paying for people on the day to do hair and make up.
 
I've never heard of anyone expecting the Bride to pay for everything for them.

I was Bridesmaid to my best friend a few years ago and she paid for our dresses to be made in the style that we wanted, she paid for the shoes and she bought me a gift aswell.
Her husbund paid for my hotel room on the night beaue the rooms were pricey.

Other than that I paid for my own hair extenstions (because I wanted them anyway), false tan, nails etc. I wouldnt' have expected her to foot the bill for those, I wanted them done because I wanted to look well for her photos.

I also did it for my sister and same thing, she paid for our dresses and shoes and she actually paid for my hair to be done on the day aswell.

As for Mother of the Bride, I think if it was my mam I would take her out and treat her to her clothes anyway just because she's my mam but I don't think its something that should be expected.

You have to draw the line somewhere, and theres no point in paying for all those extra things for Bridesmaids and then being p1ssed off about it, it'll take the good out of it for you.
 
Staples said:
That's really at the heart of it. At what point do they stop being your friend and start acting as a professional service provider. It should be an honour to be asked to be someone's bridesmaid and if they can't see that, they shouldn't be there.

Next, they'll expect to be paid a fee just like the band, photographer, etc.
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It can be an honour to be asked alright but also they are doing you a favour by doing this as well. Dont think you should have to pay for everything but neither do I think they should have to foot bill. As for the hair thing it should be you deciding what way you want their hair done if your paying that is, and have them all the same way.

I had this honour bestowed on me not too long ago only for it to turn into an absolute nightmare, with bridezilla etc.
 
It's not everyone who needs all that done anyway. If bridesmaids decide they must have tanning and manicures etc they should pay for that themselves as it's not really a must. Make-up on the day (not trials), hair, outfit, shoes most people consider things a bridesmaid must have so should be paid for by the bride. I think that by the time the bride pays for her own make up trial(s) she should be happy that the beautician will do a reasonable job on the bridesmaids without them having to be trialled as well.

Also depends on where you live you mightn't be able to pay for all that stuff. I had just one bridesmaid who lives the other side of the country. I bought her outfit and a jewellery gift, and paid for her hair and make up on the day. She did her own tanning and also paid herself for the dress to be altered as she had her favourite salon / alterations person over the other side of the country she wanted to use.

Of course, if the bride insists all the bridesmaids must be tanned etc when they otherwise wouldn't bother, that's different, the bride should pay.

I bought my Mum some jewellery as a gift but only because she had none and it was the same week as my parents 40th wedding anniversary. I haven't heard of paying for Mums outfit being the norm. In fact I doubt most Mums would allow it.
 
I think it quite rude to ask someone to be your bridesmaid and then expect them to pay for hair, makeup, etc. I only had one bridesmaid and we paid for everything - hair,tan makeup trials and same on the day, dress, accommodation, etc. I would never expect them to pay for it.

I did'nt dictate any hairstyle, etc and it was up to her if she wanted tan, nails done, etc. I wanted her to enjoy herself and look her best and was more than willing to pay for it. She was doing me a huge favour by being my bridesmaid <shrug>
 
I got married 3 years ago and had 4 bridesmaids. I paid for their dresses, make up on the day, Hair style on the day and gave all 4 a necklace, braclet and earings set as a thank you gift to wear on the day.

Any other beauty treatments they wanted was up to themselves as well as their room.

Again as other posters said, if you the bride are dictating to the girls that they should look a certain way well then the onus is on the bride to supply / pay for that.

However as far as Im concerned and any other brides I know, the hair make up and dress is the norm with a jewellry gift.
 
jennifer999 said:
if you the bride are dictating to the girls that they should look a certain way well then the onus is on the bride to supply / pay for that.
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Presumably if the bride is dictating how the bridesmaids look then she is also going to dictate how any flowergirls might look. Should she be paying then for dresses, hair and possibly make up for the flowergirls?
 
We paid for dresses and shoes, bought jewellery as gift that doubled as accessory on the day. Also paid for hair for bridesmaids and makeup for bridesmaids and my mom. My mom didn't ask for that but the makeup was doing a special rate for extra people so I offered her the choice.

Had a makeup trial that 2 of my 3 bms came to and I paid for. Didn't use that makeup artist (think 80s hooker look!) and the artist I ended up using came to my place for a trial for just me - cos my bms were all over the country.

I would not have expected to pay for beauty treatments, tanning etc nor would I request anyone to have them. Come to think of it, none of them would even have asked me to.

I guess my take on it is that if they're being that demanding, find new bridesmaids!
 
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