Parenting tips

[truthseeker]

TOP TIP:
When your child has a slightly runny nose and wet mouth insist that he gives kisses goodbye to your visitors - on their mouths, ignore the fact that they are cringing away from his wet open mouth and sniffly nose and that although you may think its cute they absolutely hate it but feel they cant tell you they think its disgusting because you'll take that as a slight upon your little darling.

 

[Thirsty]

While everyone is eating, swing baby upside down and sniff bum loudly to see if it's time for a nappy change. Make loud 'yuck' noises if it is....

 

[AJC]

Nappies - the picture goes to the front

When dressing an infant - Stretch the clothes and not the child!

 

[Betsy Og]

on a semi-serious note I gather you no longer make up formula and put it in the fridge, you boil the water, let it cool a bit, put it in a flask, make up a bottle with the warm/lukewarm water when needed.

Makes sense, nothing worse that walking around in the cold in your jocks, waiting for the bottle to defrost for your darling. & dont microwave it (seriously, apparently), and test it on your hand, and if you use a fraction too much formula your child could turn green (the last one is a particularly good tip for first time parents - cue Intel like lab conditions & scientific measurement of formula )

 

[Mpsox]

Like these Betsy??!!


3. Dad's New Wife Robert

I did actually see a book similer to this in the states once when browsing in a bookshop (it was in San francisco)

other tips
if you take your child to mass, the elderly parish priest loves it when they wander up on the alter
If your digging in the garden, let your toddler help, especially if they are wearing the brand new pink trousers that their Grannie bought them
If you are going out to a dress dance and have your tuxedo on, pick them up just after they've finished a big bottle
child car seats are for sissies, sit the child up on your lap in the front seat instead

 

[sandrat]

a good book (real) for kids when mammy is expecting is called "where willy went"

It follows the story of willy who is a sperm living inside mr browne and is training for a marathon to try and reach the egg inside mrs browne.

 

[ninsaga]

Chicken nuggets are an essential part of balanced nutrition & should be part of the daily staple diet.

Ensure to entice your child to do what you want (like behaving perhaps) by rewarding them with even more chicken nuggets!

 

[Betsy Og]

a good book (real) for kids when mammy is expecting is called "where willy went"

It follows the story of willy who is a sperm living inside mr browne and is training for a marathon to try and reach the egg inside mrs browne.

no pun intended I suppose in the title !!, but isnt that too much info for a kid. We are currenlty explaining theres a baby in Mammy's tummy - no requirement to explain how it got there at this stage.

When they do ask where babies come from I'll announce I'm off to McDonalds - that always seems to work........

 

[sandrat]

there is also, mummy laid an egg

 

[DavyJones]

Nappies - the picture goes to the front

Great tip,

My wife told me that one with an exasperated look on her face. It was nearly a mantra I had in the early days "picture to the front" "picture to the front" ,

Now I can change a nappy with my eyes closed

 

[Complainer]

TOP TIP

Apparently you CANNOT give them back ( who knew?!).

[broken link removed].

 

[Purple]

Like these Betsy??!!

1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

Best laugh I've had all week.

 

[homebird]

How many phone calls do your under fives receive?

Is "John, Mary, little Johnny and Little Mary are not available, please leave a message" really necessary on your voicemail???

 

[Gordanus]

If your baby is crying on the plane, do please repeatedly threaten it to make it shut up, and if the threats fail, hit it.

(People on the seat next to me...... )

 

[MrMan]

When I was younger I was sitting on a plane next to a (very drunk) couple who were knocking back drink at a great rate and when she got a bit loud and said something to him that obviously mad him mad he hit her a thump and she started crying and he turned to me and apologised for her behaviour!

 

[ninsaga]

When I was younger I was sitting on a plane next to a (very drunk) couple who were knocking back drink at a great rate and when she got a bit loud and said something to him that obviously mad him mad he hit her a thump and she started crying and he turned to me and apologised for her behaviour!

.........best laugh I had all day!

 

[Teabag]

When I was younger I was sitting on a plane next to a (very drunk) couple who were knocking back drink at a great rate and when she got a bit loud and said something to him that obviously mad him mad he hit her a thump and she started crying and he turned to me and apologised for her behaviour!

Good show. Mr Slappy seems the proper gentleman !