Nosey parkers visiting graveyards

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g1g

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Is it just me or does anyone else find it extremely disrespectful and rude when people visit graveyards for a look to see who is dead, when they died, who they are buried with etc??? I was visiting a close relatives grave today in a small graveyard, which I do regularly and stay for sometimes an hour or so, and came across a woman who walked up and down each row (some more than once) stopping at almost every grave and even in some cases moved flowers at headstones to read the headstones.

This is not the first time I have seen people doing this. Does this happen everywhere??
 
Maybe that person was looking for a relative in pursuit of their family tree.

Things must be good with you if this is an issue.
 
I have seen it happen and I don't see the problem with it as long as people are respectful.
 
No I asked her was she looking for someone in particular at first so that I could help her.

I don't understand your comment "Things must be good with you if this is an issue." If things were so good with me I would not be visiting a graveyard.
 
Sunny said:
I have seen it happen and I don't see the problem with it as long as people are respectful.
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I wasn't too bothered with it until she started moving flowers and ornaments on more than one grave to read the gravestones.
 
g1g said:
Is it just me or does anyone else find it extremely disrespectful and rude when people visit graveyards for a look to see who is dead, when they died, who they are buried with etc??? I was visiting a close relatives grave today in a small graveyard, which I do regularly and stay for sometimes an hour or so, and came across a woman who walked up and down each row (some more than once) stopping at almost every grave and even in some cases moved flowers at headstones to read the headstones.

This is not the first time I have seen people doing this. Does this happen everywhere??
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This wouldn't bother me I must admit, sure my mam reads the obituaries every night to see if anyone she knows died! - I think it's mad but sure some people just do weird stuff. In this case if a woman is spending time looking around a grave yard reading all of the head stones, I wouldn't me annoyed with her, I'd feel sorry for her, not the best way to spend your time is it! As for moving stuff on graves it's not like she's really causing any problems is she?, sure what's the point of a headstone if people can't read it!
 
Cant help thinking you are making too much of this.

When my mother visits the local graveyeard, to visit graves of her relatives and friends, she frequently looks at lots of other graves. At her age, she seems to know
every second person being buried and likes to see their graves, and maybe even pray for them.

How is this being nosey or disrespectful ?
 
I agree with other posters. I don't see the harm, graveyards are public places and people often walk around reading headstones for research reasons, out of human interest and so on. In one way its nice to think that when you're dead and buried people might still read your gravestone, wonder who you were etc.
 
g1g said:
No I asked her was she looking for someone in particular at first so that I could help her.
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This could come across as being pretty nosey as well! - no matter what your intentions were!
 
Don't think I am making too much of it as I wouldn't like her being at my relatives graves the way she was at others, reading messages on wreaths of someone who was just buried and watching people crying at their relatives gravestones.

I don't think what your mother is doing is being nosey or disrespectful but this woman stayed there for nearly an hour in a small graveyard and went at peoples graves. I did feel sorry for her if she has nothing else better to do than visit graves of people she doesnt know.

I guess i'm the only one who it bothers but I guess it depends on personal circumstances.
 
I thought the whole point of a graveyard with headstones, epitaths, dates etc etc was for people to visit, read and possibly contemplate. If it was only for the family of the bereaved, then a simple marker would do. It isn't a regular thing I would do, but on the odd occasion that I have found myself in a graveyard, I have spent a short while walking along the paths reading the inscriptions and thinking of those that have been lost.

When I was a child it used to be common for us to use paper and crayons on ancient headstones and make 'rubbings' that allowed us to read the almost completely worn inscriptions. Was this improper and disrespectful as well?
 
I do this from time to time. I'm interested in old headstones, particularly family plots, and to see what age people were when they died and when. I wouldn't think there is anything disrespectful about doing this. I probably wouldn't move anything to see a headstone though but again if this lady replaced whatever she moved and didn't do something like stomp all over the grave I still don't see it as being disrespectful.

As Ney said- that's what the headstone is there for- a declaration that this person once lived on this earth, simple stark facts and sometimes a little line of sorrow fin verse or prayer- a gentle reminder to those of us still here. Those headstones are calling out to be read.

BTW sounds like you've had a recent loss, sorry for your troubles.
 
Maybe she was looking for someone!
I spent some time in a graveyard a few months ago looking for a friends grave who had died the previous year and I was away and could not attend the funeral. If I recall correctly it took me well over an hour to find it!
 
I don't think this kind of behaviour would have bothered me. I have seen it a lot, where people from the locality wander around the graveyard looking at other graves other than their own.

Perhaps the lady was from around, and just wanted to see who else was buried there? I have never thought about a grave being confined to family and friends, and I don't think moving items is disrespectful, as long as she doesn't trample or throw things around.
 
I wouldn't imagine there was any harm or insult ment. My Aunt came home after being away for about 10 years. She made a point to go to the local graveyard & spend about 2 hours looking to see who had passed away since she had been away.

People can be very sensitive after a bereavement - mine was after my mum passed away & people would say "I'm so sorry".....used to make my blood boil, yet I say it myself now !!!
 
g1g said:
Don't think I am making too much of it as I wouldn't like her being at my relatives graves the way she was at others, reading messages on wreaths of someone who was just buried and watching people crying at their relatives gravestones.

I don't think what your mother is doing is being nosey or disrespectful but this woman stayed there for nearly an hour in a small graveyard and went at peoples graves. I did feel sorry for her if she has nothing else better to do than visit graves of people she doesnt know.

I guess i'm the only one who it bothers but I guess it depends on personal circumstances.
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If she came up to a grave where someone was praying or obviously upset and started peering at the headstone and moving the flowers to get a better look, then yes I would consider that incredibly rude and intrusive. But I assume she didn't come anywhere near the grave you were visiting?
 
I do not think it is rude or disrespectful at all. I often visit my mothers grave and would spend more time walking around the graveyard than I do standing by her grave. I find it very peaceful. I read the names and I think about how fleeting life is in general - I aways come away feeling calm and grounded. And more appreciative of the fact that I am still able to walk around!
If I was to find something that annoyed me about the behavior of others in graveyards it would be the mounds of plastic wrapping and old flowers in the corners of some graveyards - it can be a sad sight when this builds up.
 
Most people would like to be remembered or thought about after they are gone - I'd like people to read my headstone when I am gone. The reason that gravestones are made of durable materials which last 100s of years is so that people can read them.
 
Yes I see no problem with people looking at graves. It is nice to walk around and remember those gone before us. I hope when I'm gone people will come and remember me.
 
g1g said:
Is it just me or does anyone else find it extremely disrespectful and rude when people visit graveyards for a look to see who is dead, when they died, who they are buried with etc??? I was visiting a close relatives grave today in a small graveyard, which I do regularly and stay for sometimes an hour or so, and came across a woman who walked up and down each row (some more than once) stopping at almost every grave and even in some cases moved flowers at headstones to read the headstones.

This is not the first time I have seen people doing this. Does this happen everywhere??
Click to expand...
Did you consider saying something to her?
 
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