Mid 40s and Getting Nowhere
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thedaddyman
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Can you clarify what you mean by "paying parents mortgage" and how much is this and why?
+1
To achieve financial stability the major issue is your housing position.
How secure is your renting situation?
and as thedaddyman says what is the position about paying your parents mortgage ?
To achieve some stability, on top of everything above, you also need to know exactly what you are spending your money on. I would suggest a money diary. I did that when we were on a tight budget for a few years. I found it really helpful to know where the money was going, to save on what we could but also to know where we were going and know what we could spend.
Thanks for all your replies. Sorry I should have clarified about the mortgage we pay the monthly payments to vulture funds for the last 12 years and the plan is that we borrow enough to pay them off. We are waiting on a deal to be made with them so have no idea how much it will be but could be up to €100,000. I feel like I am frozen I am dealing with a lot of stress and I just can't get my head around finances for years now.
Are you paying your parents mortgage for 12 years? And you plan to borrow 100k to pay them off. I might be absolutely wrong and misunderstood. The situation is just not clear for me.
What do you use the 100k for?
I am sorry to hear you have so much stress, it must be really difficult. If you can control your day to day spending then you may feel less stressed if you know where every penny is going. But it sounds like you are on a very tight budget already. So as everybody says we are missing something.
Is the €700 you pay in rent actually a mortgage payment on your own home, if you are talking about a vulture fund and minimum payment and an outstanding debt of €100K?
What do you mean about paying your parents mortgage? That would seem a massive burden on your family finances.
Is the €700 you pay in rent actually a mortgage payment on your own home, if you are talking about a vulture fund and minimum payment and an outstanding debt of €100K?
What do you mean about paying your parents mortgage? That would seem a massive burden on your family finances.
I'm confused about the rent and mortgage.
Are you living in your parents house and paying €700 in rent which pays their mortgage?
Or are you paying €700 rent in a separate property as well as paying their mortgage - if so how much is the mortgage payment?
Sorry to hear you're having so much difficulty, but it must be so much worse for you when your husband is ignoring it.
Are you living in your parents house and paying €700 in rent which pays their mortgage?
Or are you paying €700 rent in a separate property as well as paying their mortgage - if so how much is the mortgage payment?
Sorry to hear you're having so much difficulty, but it must be so much worse for you when your husband is ignoring it.
Sorry to hear you're in such a stressful position. It's good you are looking for advice, maybe it would help to divide it up into
- house
- revenue
- job/earning power
- budget
What is the deadline for the revenue payment? I presume you can arrange for it to be paid over time. In that case pay off the credit card and the 3000 then keep the rest as a buffer.
Did you return from a career break or starting in a new job. Id do all I could to get more hours - register on teaching posts websites, spruce up the CV, do online seminars etc and try to earn more. Join subbing groups, etc. Earning more will help with the budget and give you chance to save an emergency fund.
If you need afterschool care see if you can apply for the NCS, it's a great help.
it' good to write down what you need and plan for the next few weeks even. There's lots of resources online to help and on this site too but great if you and your husband can work together. Do you lack the skills or do it end in a row? I know that can be hugely stressful but even small steps can make you feel better.
- house
- revenue
- job/earning power
- budget
What is the deadline for the revenue payment? I presume you can arrange for it to be paid over time. In that case pay off the credit card and the 3000 then keep the rest as a buffer.
Did you return from a career break or starting in a new job. Id do all I could to get more hours - register on teaching posts websites, spruce up the CV, do online seminars etc and try to earn more. Join subbing groups, etc. Earning more will help with the budget and give you chance to save an emergency fund.
If you need afterschool care see if you can apply for the NCS, it's a great help.
it' good to write down what you need and plan for the next few weeks even. There's lots of resources online to help and on this site too but great if you and your husband can work together. Do you lack the skills or do it end in a row? I know that can be hugely stressful but even small steps can make you feel better.
Sorry to hear about the stress.
As others have said, you need to clarify the parents mortgage thing, and get your spouse on board. Money issues cause a lot of marriages to have trouble, and sounds like his head is in the sand with this. That said, if my spouse was paying her parents mortgage I might be like - feic that , if she can do that I can have a few cinnamon lattes....
I'm guess there's some deal where you pay their mortgage, get them out of a hole, and then some day the house will be yours? That could be when you're in your 60s. You need to sort this out way before that. I would say you need to talk to someone about your finances, make a plan, keep a spending diary.
Put the €5,000 on your debt. Maybe €4,000 and keep €1,000 for emergencies. And stop using the credit card.
As others have said, you need to clarify the parents mortgage thing, and get your spouse on board. Money issues cause a lot of marriages to have trouble, and sounds like his head is in the sand with this. That said, if my spouse was paying her parents mortgage I might be like - feic that , if she can do that I can have a few cinnamon lattes....
I'm guess there's some deal where you pay their mortgage, get them out of a hole, and then some day the house will be yours? That could be when you're in your 60s. You need to sort this out way before that. I would say you need to talk to someone about your finances, make a plan, keep a spending diary.
Put the €5,000 on your debt. Maybe €4,000 and keep €1,000 for emergencies. And stop using the credit card.
Let's do one thing at a time.
1) I think the first thing to do here is to pay the 1500 into the Credit Card form the 5k and put the card away.
2) Clarify your rent/mortgage issue.
3) Write down where the money is going to give you an idea of what's going on.
4) It sounds like your husband is working on a C1 contract (or whatever they're called now) and has not filled in his Form 11 for a few years. You need somehow to get him to address this. He can pay back a bit at a time once he gets organised.
Have a nice day out as a family without going to mad after 1 and 2 above.
1) I think the first thing to do here is to pay the 1500 into the Credit Card form the 5k and put the card away.
2) Clarify your rent/mortgage issue.
3) Write down where the money is going to give you an idea of what's going on.
4) It sounds like your husband is working on a C1 contract (or whatever they're called now) and has not filled in his Form 11 for a few years. You need somehow to get him to address this. He can pay back a bit at a time once he gets organised.
Have a nice day out as a family without going to mad after 1 and 2 above.
Are you aware of MABS ? I'd suggest you contact them and arrange a face to face meeting. It's free and they will listen to you in strict confidence and help you decide on any quick actions that can assist (like using part of the €5,000 to clear the credit card and avoid the penal interest) and also formulate budgets and a longer term plan. Some people seem to think that going to a support agency like MABS is a mark of failure; it's actually the opposite and shows that you realise that you might benefit from some independent and knowledgeable guidance. Given your ages and your children's ages now would be a very good time to get your finances in order.
And go easy on yourself - recognising that there is an issue and asking for guidance is half the job and a great start, so you are well on the road.
Best of luck.
Thanks so much for all of your replies. The mortgage story is very long and complicated but basically we are paying €700 per month which covers the payments to a vulture. It is envisaged that vulture will make a deal which could mean me and my husband needing to raise up to €100,000 to pay them off. Also envisaged that down the road we will get the house. We currently have no other rent or mortgage payments. Credit card was cancelled years ago the €1500 has been lurking in the background for about 10 years without any contact from the bank in about 8 years. Revenue debt was due about 9 years ago husband now works paye so that debt has been lurking in the background and ignored. I also wonder if I am liable for the revenue debt? Not that I want to abandon anyone to their fate but it has caused me a lot of stress and still being ignored. Both of our jobs have been so haphazard over the years we never know what we will be earning it depends on what comes up. I am committed to staying at home so I work part time where I can, for example last year I had 5 different employers on revenue. I would like to come up with some sort of plan or structure so we can be in a position to borrow as soon as possible and also plan for our children's futures which of course is looming with them getting older.
As I understand that you are living in a house which belongs to your parents, and that you are paying rent of €700 per month.
In the background your parents are making payments to the mortgagor, but these payments are interest only, or similar and this leaves a capital amount of €100,000. This is legally your parents debt, but if it were cleared your parents would gift you the house.
Have I understood correctly.
In the background your parents are making payments to the mortgagor, but these payments are interest only, or similar and this leaves a capital amount of €100,000. This is legally your parents debt, but if it were cleared your parents would gift you the house.
Have I understood correctly.
Yes
Brendan Burgess
Founder
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The biggest issue is the house. You need to explain that in full. Nothing else is material.
1) Does the house belong to your parents?
2) Where do your parents live?
3) Are you living in the same house as your parents or do your parents have their own house and this is their investment property?
4) How much is the house worth?
5) What is the balance on the mortgage?
6) What is the interest rate on the mortgage?
7) What ages are your parents?
8) What agreement do you have with your parents that you will get the house?
9) Do you have any siblings who might object?
Why do you think a deal will be made?
1) Does the house belong to your parents?
2) Where do your parents live?
3) Are you living in the same house as your parents or do your parents have their own house and this is their investment property?
4) How much is the house worth?
5) What is the balance on the mortgage?
6) What is the interest rate on the mortgage?
7) What ages are your parents?
8) What agreement do you have with your parents that you will get the house?
9) Do you have any siblings who might object?
Why do you think a deal will be made?
You are taking in around 5k per month. Is there child benefit of 140x3 on top of this?
You mention that the revenue debt and credit card debt have been ignored.
Where is the income going?
Say its 5,420 less 700 still leaves
4,720 and it sounds like you are not paying childcare or if so its not full time.
What other outgoings are there? Any other loans, car payments etc. You mention that you live low key so you need to get a handle on this. Do you have access to bank accounts and details of transactions? Or does your husband take on this role solely? If he has now is the time to go through this together.
How do you (plural) plan to raise 100k? Are you trying to save this up or hoping to get a mortgage?
Can you increase hours / get more perm role as switching jobs that often and not being clear on income may be contributing to anxiety levels. You mention that you are a teacher so the hours should greatly overlap with school and or playschool hours.
How are you guys tackling revenue debt? Is there a plan in place?
The best thing you can do for your childrens financial future is to pay off all debt and have a permanent home. This will decrease anxiety and improve your standard of living.
Do you have support? Can you join any groups for a social outlet?
You mention that the revenue debt and credit card debt have been ignored.
Where is the income going?
Say its 5,420 less 700 still leaves
4,720 and it sounds like you are not paying childcare or if so its not full time.
What other outgoings are there? Any other loans, car payments etc. You mention that you live low key so you need to get a handle on this. Do you have access to bank accounts and details of transactions? Or does your husband take on this role solely? If he has now is the time to go through this together.
How do you (plural) plan to raise 100k? Are you trying to save this up or hoping to get a mortgage?
Can you increase hours / get more perm role as switching jobs that often and not being clear on income may be contributing to anxiety levels. You mention that you are a teacher so the hours should greatly overlap with school and or playschool hours.
How are you guys tackling revenue debt? Is there a plan in place?
The best thing you can do for your childrens financial future is to pay off all debt and have a permanent home. This will decrease anxiety and improve your standard of living.
Do you have support? Can you join any groups for a social outlet?