Marriage Proposal

B

Bigmc

Registered User
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Hi all,

This is proably a stupit question but im goin to ask it anyway! Is it the done thing to ask your partners mother for her daughters hand in marrage? My partners father has passed away some years ago.

Im as nervous as hell about proposing & want to try do it right. Was goin to ask her last year but bottled out at the time! Im thinking of asking her on xmas eve, would xmas eve be better than xmas day?
 
do you want to marry your partner or her mother?
I would ask your partner and leave her mother out of it.
Xmas eve.
 
I agree, juts ask her. Make sure you let her pick her own ring though. Christmas day would be nice I think. Some people give a fake ring in a box as a gesture and the couple pick the real thing later on.

Best of luck.
 
It never crossed my mind to ask my girlfriend's dad for his permission to ask her to marry me.

I just took her away, got down on my knee, and asked her. I bought her the ring of her choice before we told the both sets of parents. Then we told our friends.

Ten years and 2 kids later, and she is getting ready to watch X Factor and I am in the kitchen telling this story to complete strangers!!!!!
 
Hi BigMC,

I proposed to my partner not so long ago. Although these days it's probably not the done thing to ask the parent I asked my partners father. He was delighted at the time and my partner was delighted I had asked him. He has passed away since but at least my partner knows he gave his blessing.

I think it would show respect to your partners family for the way she was raised. Although you cant ask her father by asking her mother and getting her blessing you are still carrying out a tradition which would normally have involved her father. Whatever your mother in law thinks I think your partner would be delighted that you had asked her.

At the end of the day there could be ill will if you don't ask and you will only score brownie points by doing it....
 
I think its a nice idea to ask the mother.
Old fashioned but it will stand you in good stead in the future.
Go ahead and ask Mom and then daughter.
You sound nice...I'd say yes if you were my daughters OH.
 
1: Is her mother traditional? if so, she may appreciate you asking.
2: Will her mother blow the surprise if you ask before hand? then you may hold off asking.

Late Xmas eve would be nice.....
 
Thanks Mommah & all for your thoughts.
Becky suggested xmas day but my partner is cookin dinner for th family so think a wedding proposal might jst be a bit much in the middle of all!!
Is it ok to propose with no ring as there is no way id buy it without my partner or should I buy some cheap ring just to use to ask her?
her mother would be quite traditional but yes I would worry bout her keeping it quiet so wouldnt ask her to much in advance! She wouldnt mean to let the cat out of the bag but my partner can read her like a book!
I dont think I would have anything to worry about asking her as we all get on very well & think (hope) she would approve
Thanks again for your help
 
If you are both under 18 I think it might be appropriate to ask permission.

However, you mention that she is a partner.

Why would you need permission from a parent? I presume that you are both over 18?

Christmas eve would be very nice.


Marion
 
I think it's a nice gesture to say something to her mother before proposing, you're not asking her.
My husband did this and i thought it was a lovely gesture.
 
The original practice of asking the father's permission dates back to when women were viewed as commodities and were often 'traded' in marriage in the interests of the family overall to enhance financial and social status. I think that any modern, intelligent, educated woman is capable of making her own decision as to whether they wish to marry and I would consider the practice obsolete.

However many people view it as a quaint tradition ; only you know what your partner's view is likely to be. If she is likely to be pleased by it, I certainly don't think it's any less appropriate to ask the mother if the father is deceased.

A.
 
I think if its a traditional family set up then ask her mother. But only a day or two in advance. Its not like she is going to say no, so you're really only acknowledging that you would have asked her father if he was alive.
My husband asked my father and I am really glad he did. It meant a lot to me even though its only a gesture, you're not really 'asking' as such.

You sound like a lovely guy, say it to her mother a day or so in advance and ask your partner on christmas eve so she can be peeling the sprouts with extra excitement on christmas day:)
 
I would consider myself a pretty conserative person and I would not be impressed if some one asked me for permission to propose to my daughter. It's her decision to make and not mine.
 
My family is quite traditional, but I don't think I'd have been over the moon if my OH asked for permission to propose. We're both adults, and my parents don't get a say in who I marry.

I understand that not everyone would agree with me, though, and my brother-in-law asked my parents before proposing to my sister.

Decide whether to ask the mother based on what you think your partner would like, rather than on what the mother would like. Also, I agree with asking on Christmas Eve - maybe you could give her something like a jelly or plastic ring with a selection box or the like - as if Santa brought it for her. I wouldn't bother getting a proper ring to porpose with, which is why I suggest something obviously fake like a plastic ring.
 
I like the idea - I joked with my OH a number of times before he asked me that he'd have to ask my Dad (even though my Dad never asked my Grandad, so it certainly wasn't expected!). I just thought that my Dad would appreciate it, as I'm a real Daddy's girl and I thought it'd reassure him. Why, I'm not sure!

You say the Mam is traditional and will therefore probably take the fathers place in walking your daughter down the aisle etc...

If you think you'd have asked her Dad, ask her Mam as a subsitute, if you wouldn't have asked her Dad don't. Do it the morning of though, if you think she'll blab! My OH still doesn't believe that my Mam didn't let it slip to me, even though she didnt!

Oh, and I say Xmas Eve, and if you don't like the idea of a fake ring, maybe a really special xmas bauble as a token, that she can hang on the tree every Christmas?? Something that she can show people!
 
Hi all,

Thanks for the great response some very interesting toughts & some very good ideas.

I have to say im slightly goin for the side of asking her mam. As one poster asked would I have asked her dad if he was alive & the answer is yes I think I would have.

Will ask on xmas eve & wont bottle out this time! Any suggestions of somewhere nice, romantic not to crowed on xmas eve to pop th question? not near any big Citys but quite a few big towns around

Thanks all
 
Bigmc said:
Hi all,

Thanks for the great response some very interesting toughts & some very good ideas.

I have to say im slightly goin for the side of asking her mam. As one poster asked would I have asked her dad if he was alive & the answer is yes I think I would have.

Will ask on xmas eve & wont bottle out this time! Any suggestions of somewhere nice, romantic not to crowed on xmas eve to pop th question? not near any big Citys but quite a few big towns around

Thanks all
Click to expand...


How about bringing her back to where you first met
 
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