adopted - birth family making contact

H

helan72

Registered User
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Hi,

Hoping someone out there has some advice - i am adopted and have had a fantastic life with my adopted family. Never really thought about my birth mother except for the odd flash - a couple of weeks ago i received a letter from the agency i was adopted from asking could i contact them, i duly did and it turns out that I have quite a lot of siblings and they have been looking for me.

basically what i am asking is have any AAMers been in this position. my head and heart are all over the place and any advice would be extremely welcome.

thanks in advance
 
can you not get the info about them before you meet them? that would be my first move. I am not adopted but i always thought the law change would have positive and negatives depending on if you wanted to be "found" or left alone.
The best of luck with what you decide and remember you can always walk away if you don't like what you find.
 
Although im not adopted my other halfs brother was. His mother had him in england and had no choice in the matter and gave him up for adoption. Only last year did he try to find out his birth family and discovered that he had full brothers and sisters and both his mother and father was alive. Although it was very strange to begin with and there were alot of "talks" and emotions he has been welcomed with open arms and his adoptive mother is very understanding about him needing to understand where he came from and it has not tarnished his bond with his adoptive parents and they are all supportive. He visits regulary and is delighted that he has become close to his brothers and sisters.My other half says he cant imagine not knowing him now. Everybodys experiance is different im sure but his attitude was if i dont try ill never know and it worked for him Id say gove it some thought and discuss it with someone who you trust...dont be afraid of broaching the subject with your parents as its human nature to be curious after all they never hid your adoption from you. Maybe start with phone calls or write a letter asking to get to know them a bit better before meeting or a meeting with just one of your birth siblings to begin with!
Best of luck and dont feel bad either way no matter what your decision is.
 
thanks - good to hear some positives - i have spoken with my mam and dad and they are both very suportive of whatever decision i make. I am being sent a letter by one of my siblings who is acting as a kind of a spokesperson. In one way i cant wait to get it but in another I am terrified of what it contains. Feel like a child!!! (wish someone else would make all the decisions for me)
 
I have a friend who's sister had a baby when she was very young and gave her up for adoption as you did twenty odd years ago. She always thought about her baby and wondered how she was etc. She got a letter from her daugher through the adoption agency a couple of years ago and she was absolutely thrilled. Her daughter's parents had always told her she was adopted and were very supportive of her contacting her birth mother. They all get on so well, it's just a fantastic reunion to have happened. I'm sure it mightn't always be the case but I think if the mother or siblings are seeking you out, it's something they want dearly to meet with you. You have to remember in 99% of cases years ago it must have been so heartbreaking for a woman to give up her baby but that was what they had to do.

Go with your heart, weigh it all up, you can only do whatever you think is right. The very best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
 
I think if you posted your question on rollercoaster.ie where there is an adoption discussion forum you would probably get some insightful answers.

See here
[broken link removed]
 
Thanks for that Bamhan, have looked at that site which actually lead me to a more relevant one.

many thanks

H
 
Just thought I would update the people who very kindly gave me some advice - I have just received my first letter and photos (no horns, third eyes or second heads!!!!) from my birth family and am in the process of writing back - The whole situation (so far) has been very positive and I can only see good coming of it. Once again thanks for your replies.
 
I'm absolutely delighted for you Helan. The photos alone must be lovely to have. Wishing you all the best.
Ribena
 
I've been through the whole letter writing process and am just about to meet my birth mother, really looking forward to it but it's going to be very strange, I'm not sure whether it'll last 10 minutes or a whole day, I dont know what I want at the end of it, I suppose I'll just have to judge it after we meet
 
Hi there and hoping all is going well with you both with meeting your birth mother. My ex was adopted and so we never know if there is a family history of anything for our child. His adoptive mother told him it would kill her if he went looking. Glad to see the experiences here seem to have been more positive.
 
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