Thanks so much for an honest reply. How kind of you to share your experience and thoughts. I recognise the need to cop on. The problem is I’ve done so for some time and failed. Fail, fail again, fail better.
Thanks so much for an honest reply. How kind of you to share your experience and thoughts. I recognise the need to cop on. The problem is I’ve done so for some time and failed. Fail, fail again, fail better.I'm not going to give you financial advice as I think everyone covered it above....
I'm the same age as you with kids a bit older. I wanted to comment on the burnout piece if I may.
You have achieved a lot and are very secure and have weathered the storm in getting there - well done.
Similar to you I had a pretty high pressure (but not as well paid) job in the past and was on the same trajectory. Stress, juggling and a lot of late nights, early starts were par for the course for me. I did a Post Grad, then a Masters while my kids were very young and the sky seemed the limit.
Like you I felt really burned out, no time to enjoy success, constant knawing feeling of not being on top of things. Mentally not great.
I ignored the burn out feelings for a long time, started to work with a therapist who told me in no uncertain terms that I needed to radically change. I didn't really listen.
I was flying to the states a good bit for work and feeling more burnt out than normal. In 2010, pre conference, just off a plane, in a hotel in the USA I suffered a burnout that left me hospitalised and in a psyc secure ward. The worst time of my life. I came home, got referred to a psychiatrist, emergency team and my GP. I spent nearly two years in a state of constant panic, anxiety and at times very low mood. I could not work, I didnt hear from my colleagues, work dried up. I started working with a psychotherapist to see how to fix this and I developed a great relationship with her. She passed away suddenly. Rock bottom.
I was really lucky - I found a phenomonal psychotherapist who pieced my life back together. He got me living, got me to see life differently . Got me to listen to the voice inside that would not accept my efforts.
I went freelance, I developed a chronic pain condition that Iive with today. I worked as best as I could, I spent so much time with my family, I upskilled, managed on very little money and got better. Its now 13 years from that time. I'm happy, relatively well, have enough but not lots of money, I check in with my psychotherapist, I am a help line volunterer for the Samaratains, I am re- training to be a psychotherapist. I play cards with my kids every day and watch them grow up before me. Simple stuff.
Why am I telling you all this stuff? Because we only get about 4000 weeks on this earth. We get a daily small oppprtunities to interact with our kids and then they are gone, they disapear and they grow up and away.
I think its great you got financial success but be careful about looking for more. Why more? You are 50, same age as me. Time to reflect, maybe think about what you want, not ignore the burnout feelings. I ignored it and it taught me a big life lesson. Now I'm the happiest I have ever been, I do not have the financial security I wanted but I don't have stress or a boss or a feeling I'm not achieving. I'm doing OK. Maybe the big push for security is your thing but don't let it de-rail your life, look after yourself, we are fragile sometimes, we lose our way, get sick, things happen quickly. If you are feeling burnt out now have a plan to not get burnt out and put it into place.
Hope this is not too much of a big long saga but nobody told me what burnout could do.
If you are looking for the bigger house/ car/ whatever bear in mind you are creating more constraints and difficulty for yourself - sometimes for something you don't need. I wish you the very best, happiness, health and contentment. Your kids are young still but gone soon enough. Create experiences!
Its no problem. Our mental health is so, so important. How we think about things shapes the world we are in. Start small. Take a half day off, go for a sauna, do an extra school pick up. Build on these. You will want to keep pushing and doing but in time you can build in a bit of relaxation which makes work stuff better. Bear in mind your 50's are tricky, energy changes, hormones change, testosterone (if you are a man) drops, mood can be more difficult to manage.Thanks so much for an honest reply. How kind of you to share your experience and thoughts. I recognise the need to cop on. The problem is I’ve done so for some time and failed. Fail, fail again, fail better.
Yes I remember the impact of the crash acutely. I’d just become a salaried partner. It sounds a bit odd but for me it’s never been about the money. I like the job. There’s just too much of it.@ThisisMax I remember at the end of the celtic tiger there were alot of high achievers with expensive lifestyles etc that couldn't cope when the crash came. They hid it from their wives and social set etc. They felt that they couldn't open up because maybe they thought that they were nothing without those posessions and that their wives and social set would desert them if they did. Its probably the case that some people are not confident that their relationships will survive the loss of status and material wealth
So you get satisfaction from your role but its too pressured? Which bits are the best bits and which could you leave behind? For some people the sales piece is the buzz, others its technical etc. What floats your boat?Yes I remember the impact of the crash acutely. I’d just become a salaried partner. It sounds a bit odd but for me it’s never been about the money. I like the job. There’s just too much of it.
Yes. I’ve tried to recruit a number 2 for over a year. Had to settle for someone way more junior recently. I’d hired a headhunter after failing to recruit directly for about 8 months. Was looking for 17 months in total. Brutal market at the moment.Is hiring additional skilled resources within the business an option? A number 2 which can help carry the load.
That’s something that has crossed my mind but I’d go nuts fully retired at 50. I was looking for financial advice so I can step back but I’m not ready to step away.Just a thought…
You are considering trading up from a €900k house because it’s too small for your family’s needs. Given the numbers involved, I am guessing that you live in a central Dublin suburb.
Would you consider moving to an outer suburb, or a neighbouring county, to achieve the increased house space?
Let’s say you bought a big family home for around €600k (roughly twice the national average).
Between the equity released from your current home, your pension pot and your after-tax savings, you could actually consider retiring completely from paid work, assuming you kept your household spending under around €45k pa.
Sure, it would a radical change of pace. But isn’t that what you’re looking for?
Acutely aware of 1 and 2 as I’ve clients in these roles. On number 3 the insurance is a killer, and you have to pay for insurance for 7 years after you cease trading, which means that if I don’t like it or it’s not successful it’s a very big penalty. 4. Can’t say it to them. You are fully committed until you are not, and then you are replaced.So you get satisfaction from your role but its too pressured? Which bits are the best bits and which could you leave behind? For some people the sales piece is the buzz, others its technical etc. What floats your boat?
The process of re-invention, which is what you are doing is littered with false starts, dead ends etc. Thats the natural part of the process. They educate you as much as anything else. I think you need to do a few scenarios out on paper- more family time/ less salary, more family time/ more salary, less salary/ what would I give up, etc. There is also the option of moving job.....however to move to 100k salary results in a few things:
1. Better work life in terms of business hours buuuuuutttt....if you are driven by challenge, pressure, risk or financial security you might not like better work life...
2. 100k salary is a drop for you but in many organisations its the top of the tree- what effort do you expect to give to gain that? Will they expect travel? 80 hour weeks? If so then you have traded down for nothing. You still have your work life issue...
3. Can you achieve 100k in a start up of your own? Consulting?
4. What if you said to your partners that you are looking to change- what would they say?
Thanks. I think I need good financial advice to try to get some passive income or investment income recurring after we buy this house (still the highest bidder). I’d probably roll the dice in a year or so.I have no qualifications in any kind of psychiatry or even financial stuff. You're 50, a high earner, financially comfortable, sensible and have the maturity to question yourself. You can't go from full speed to full stop in an instant without repercussions. On a brighter note I would advise you exit the rat race fully around the time you reach 55. You now have 5 years to drift into easing your life and you can live comfortably whether you have moved house or not.
There were some very sad outcomes at the end of the crash. It was a tough time for many of all genders, pay grades etc. I’m mindful of seeing a few downturns and that if I manage a decent age I will see at least one again.Wonder did the other high achievers hide their problems from their husbands?
Or is the 'burying heads in sand' considered to be male trait only?
I just re read your whole post.Acutely aware of 1 and 2 as I’ve clients in these roles. On number 3 the insurance is a killer, and you have to pay for insurance for 7 years after you cease trading, which means that if I don’t like it or it’s not successful it’s a very big penalty. 4. Can’t say it to them. You are fully committed until you are not, and then you are replaced.