More the confused explanation than confusion about the posting breach, lots of use of the word edit.
Boss asking if I was pregnant!
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Brendan Burgess
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Let's go back to the original question and see what the answer is:
My view is that it is not against the Equality Legislation. My understanding of it is that an employer may not discriminate against someone because they are pregnant.
There is no suggestion here of any discrimination.
If your employer is in the process of considering your for promotion and offered the job to someone else and you were pregnant, then you might have some grounds for a complaint.
I have been asked questions in social settings by friends and by strangers which have been inappropriate. I am sure that I have asked people inappropriate questions. It's not illegal. It's inappropriate. You seem to get on well with your boss. Treat him like any other friend who asked you if you were pregnant and tell him that you would prefer if he did not ask you again.
In social settings where someone who usually drinks is not drinking, their friends will often ask them why? Women do unfortunately get asked this, with an expectant smile in the eyes of the questioner.
Brendan
My view is that it is not against the Equality Legislation. My understanding of it is that an employer may not discriminate against someone because they are pregnant.
There is no suggestion here of any discrimination.
If your employer is in the process of considering your for promotion and offered the job to someone else and you were pregnant, then you might have some grounds for a complaint.
I have been asked questions in social settings by friends and by strangers which have been inappropriate. I am sure that I have asked people inappropriate questions. It's not illegal. It's inappropriate. You seem to get on well with your boss. Treat him like any other friend who asked you if you were pregnant and tell him that you would prefer if he did not ask you again.
In social settings where someone who usually drinks is not drinking, their friends will often ask them why? Women do unfortunately get asked this, with an expectant smile in the eyes of the questioner.
Brendan
I agree with TDON. The remark was as stated "inappropriate and downright rude". In my view it was also sexist, seeking to attribute your decision not to drink to a gender specific reason, rather than the rational decision of another human being.
In a social setting, it was also none of his business. As your boss he has a right to know if you are pregnant, but he has no right to ask, particularly in these circumstances.
In your original post you said you were a "little peeved" - I'd be fuming, and I think TDON's last 2 sentences above contain great wisdom.
I am pregnant and during the first trimester I was off sick for a while with bad vomiting and dehydration. My direct manager knew i was pregnant because she saw me running to vomit every half hour and guessed. However when she was ringing in one to day to tell the main boss that I was out sick she was asked straight out was I pregnant. She was caught off guard and had no choice but to say yes. Left me in an awkward situation with everyone knowing when i came back and then everyone knowing when I had a threatened miscarriage at 11 weeks. thankfully everything went ok and I am now 6 months pregnant but it can be a very strange experience. We didnt tell our families until I was 12 weeks but my whole workplace knew before them!
Well am I not shocked to see the response here!!
Considering I had no notion of suing etc! It is a bit like chinese whispers!
I am literally just curious (have no cats so not worried
.
No I am not pregnant but boss seems to think I should be and yes there is a promotion involved some time in the next twelve to eighteen months.
I did not ask for advice any where, I was just asking out of curiousity people's thoughts.
I am not asking on work hours, I just off a twelve hour night shift thank you very much!
Yes, I was peeved at his lack of maturity at asking, seeing as I am the only employee young enough (under 50) to be starting a family and one of the main employees!! LIke i said I am only curious for my own knowledge, I am not saying anything to boss, it doesn't need to be said and I am content with that.
But by the responses here it shows that it is a very grey area and I do feel he purposely caught me off guard, as it was out of the blue and not like we had been talking kids or anything!
Considering I had no notion of suing etc! It is a bit like chinese whispers!
I am literally just curious (have no cats so not worried
.No I am not pregnant but boss seems to think I should be and yes there is a promotion involved some time in the next twelve to eighteen months.
I did not ask for advice any where, I was just asking out of curiousity people's thoughts.
I am not asking on work hours, I just off a twelve hour night shift thank you very much!
Yes, I was peeved at his lack of maturity at asking, seeing as I am the only employee young enough (under 50) to be starting a family and one of the main employees!! LIke i said I am only curious for my own knowledge, I am not saying anything to boss, it doesn't need to be said and I am content with that.
But by the responses here it shows that it is a very grey area and I do feel he purposely caught me off guard, as it was out of the blue and not like we had been talking kids or anything!
Put down Tourettes and Narcolepsy. You can then sleep on the job and if anyone wakes you you can tell them to feck
off with impunity.Well he could hardly ask a fella if he was pregnant!
Isn't hero worship against the posting guidelines aswell?
I didn't see how you came to the conclusion that he thinks you should be pregnant. The scenario I have built in my mind is that ye met on a non work related night out, boss is unsure on how to converse with an employee and proceeds to put his foot in it. Most men would steer clear of the subject for fear of a backlash and I would think most bosses would also steer clear given the 'environment' we live in today. Looks like your ready to forgive and forget so good for you.
W
william1000
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Footsteps, ask yourself this. If you told your boss (at work or otherwise) that you were pregnant and he told you he was delighted for you, would you be checking your legal rights?
And another question. If you had no intentions of taking things further, why are you even checking your rights?
By the way, my wife wasn't drinking one night. Friends asked "Are you pregnant?". She said yes and they WERE delighted.
And another question. If you had no intentions of taking things further, why are you even checking your rights?
By the way, my wife wasn't drinking one night. Friends asked "Are you pregnant?". She said yes and they WERE delighted.
It doesn't sound as if he he purposely caught you off gurard. It was a chance meeting outside of work, he asked you if you wanted a drink and when you said no he jumped to the wrong conclusion! it was an innocent mistake on his part but he did put it right by saying he would be delighted if you were pregnant. I wouldn't have read anything more into it than that.
I do feel he purposely caught me off guard, as it was out of the blue and not like we had been talking kids or anything![/quote]
I do feel he purposely caught me off guard, as it was out of the blue and not like we had been talking kids or anything![/quote]
As I said I am shocked at responses/interest.
I am only curious.
I have forgotten/forgiven whatever. I am in no ways, upset, annoyed etc now over what happened, I was just a little peeved!
If I was awfully interested in that aspect(LAW) i would have posted this in the Ask about law section but I am not, I am curious about what is over the line what isn't.
I do think it is interesting though to see all the sides of the issue, which is the only reason I posted this!
He came over seen I wasn't drinking and just asked me straight out (in front of many) if I was pregnant! No small talk there! I would be out not drinking more than I drink and he knows this! I just found it so strange as I see him out reguarily and then he pipes up with this!
If he was offering to buy I wouldn't have asked him for a ballygowan! It would have been something stronger and then the world would end!
It is not that I am checking my legal rights, I am curious surely this is allowed, I found it strange wanted to hear what others think, that is it.
We live in a society in which people sue for everything and I hate it, so I am interested to see that some people actually would over something as simply as this (even if I do think it is none of his bees wax)
I am only curious.
I have forgotten/forgiven whatever. I am in no ways, upset, annoyed etc now over what happened, I was just a little peeved!
If I was awfully interested in that aspect(LAW) i would have posted this in the Ask about law section but I am not, I am curious about what is over the line what isn't.
I do think it is interesting though to see all the sides of the issue, which is the only reason I posted this!
Where did I say this?
He came over seen I wasn't drinking and just asked me straight out (in front of many) if I was pregnant! No small talk there! I would be out not drinking more than I drink and he knows this! I just found it so strange as I see him out reguarily and then he pipes up with this!
If he was offering to buy I wouldn't have asked him for a ballygowan!
It would have been something stronger and then the world would end!It is not that I am checking my legal rights, I am curious surely this is allowed, I found it strange wanted to hear what others think, that is it.
We live in a society in which people sue for everything and I hate it, so I am interested to see that some people actually would over something as simply as this (even if I do think it is none of his bees wax)
Even their mother?
What first came to mind for me was that the boss maybe likes a good time - and a pint or 2 - and likes everyone to join him. On seeing the OP not drinking his disappointment/incredulity led to him blurting out the question.
My guess is that he didn't/doesn't actually even want to know whether the OP is pregnant or not - it was just an ill judged remark. A bit undiplomatic. Similar maybe to asking someone if they are on a diet, should they turn down the offer of a really good desert/cake etc.
My guess is that he didn't/doesn't actually even want to know whether the OP is pregnant or not - it was just an ill judged remark. A bit undiplomatic. Similar maybe to asking someone if they are on a diet, should they turn down the offer of a really good desert/cake etc.
Hi OP,
Here in Switzerland I did an interview for a job and I was asked, did I plan on getting pregnant. I remember being shocked at the time and I answered the question. I got home and got googling - from what I could work out at the time; it is not ok in Ireland to be asked this by your potential employer but it is ok here in switzerland. Not exactly the same situation but I do think that your employer was technically in the wrong putting that question to you and Id agree with Clubman where he said a quiet word face to face would be appropriate.
To everyone else discussing banter etc. be very careful in including pregnancy in the work place banter. Pregnancy is very very private for some (all?) people. For a lot of women there is terrible heartbreak and worry involved in trying to getting pregnant, getting pregnant and miscarriage, getting pregnant and being terrified of miscarriage, these scenarios are not uncommon - and pregnancy talk is not banter. It is very very private - it is not an appropriate work colleague conversation in jest or otherwise .
Here in Switzerland I did an interview for a job and I was asked, did I plan on getting pregnant. I remember being shocked at the time and I answered the question. I got home and got googling - from what I could work out at the time; it is not ok in Ireland to be asked this by your potential employer but it is ok here in switzerland. Not exactly the same situation but I do think that your employer was technically in the wrong putting that question to you and Id agree with Clubman where he said a quiet word face to face would be appropriate.
To everyone else discussing banter etc. be very careful in including pregnancy in the work place banter. Pregnancy is very very private for some (all?) people. For a lot of women there is terrible heartbreak and worry involved in trying to getting pregnant, getting pregnant and miscarriage, getting pregnant and being terrified of miscarriage, these scenarios are not uncommon - and pregnancy talk is not banter. It is very very private - it is not an appropriate work colleague conversation in jest or otherwise .
Because mothers have gone through this, they are surprisingly sensitive. I wouldnt mind my mother asking me if I was pregnant but she never has. Many of my friends mum's are the same.
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truthseeker
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as a woman of child bearing age in a long term relationship I can confirm there is nothing more annoying than people asking you are you pregnant if you decide to not have a drink, wear a smock, put on a few pounds over xmas, rub your lower back cos you twinged it in bed, rub your belly cos you have a cramp, etc....
An Italian waiter in a London restaurant greeted me with the words 'ahhhhh - when is the bambino due???' when wearing one particular item of clothing, needless to say it hasnt been worn since.
An Italian waiter in a London restaurant greeted me with the words 'ahhhhh - when is the bambino due???' when wearing one particular item of clothing, needless to say it hasnt been worn since.
Never a good idea for a man to ask a woman if she is pregnant simply because she has a bit of a 'belly' or in your case is wearing baggy style attire, however this is a bit different to asking someone if they are pregnant because they are not drinking. As caveat quite rightly stated this is similar to asking if somebody is on a diet because they refuse dessert and in my experience, particularly with men they don't actually care whether you are pregnant or on a diet for that matter - they are simply making a comment - thats it!
Well, I'm chuffed, needless to say. It's nice to get a compliment and for someone to appreciate what you have to offer.
The same way as I thanked you most sincerely for your advice yesterday. You were wonderful I am close to my mother, but she would not even ask me that - she respects my privacy.
I think the only people who should ask if someone is pregnant are
1. Woman's partner/husband
2. Woman's GP
3. If a woman is about to undertake an activity that she shouldn't if pregnant - and it that case the info should be soliticed through a form - eg blood donation, bungee jumping, some forms of exercise.
Speaking as one half of a couple who spent three years trying to have a child, with the IVF and miscarriages etc, I know all about the sensitivities around pregnancy. I still don't see how an employer asking a stupid question in a non-work setting is any different from anyone else asking the same question. People have asked my the most incredibly insensitive questions but I ask myself what their motive was and unless it was blatantly nasty then I ignore it and get on with my life.
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