R
RIAD_BSC
Guest
Myself and my wife got married earlier this year. My wife kept her own surname - she felt very strongly about it. I never pretended to be over the moon about it, but all in all, I wasn't really that bothered and it became a non-issue.
Now, she is pregnant, and we are in dispute over what surname to give the child. I, as most fathers do, want the child to carry my name. She wants it to have her name, or a double barrel name with her name as the first barrel (for reasons I won't go into, a double barrel of our names would sound ridiculous with my name as the first barrel).
Now, I am very upset over this, and she can't understand why. She thinks I am some class of a neanderthal because I want the child to have my surname. But that isn't the case at all.
She won't listen to my arguments, which are basically:
- The woman gets to carry the child for 9 months, and to develop her bond with the child that way. For a father, passing on your family name is an important way to forge an immediate bond with the child. Women underestimate just how important this is to a man, and dismiss it all too easily. But to me, it is hugely important.
- The woman's status as mother will never be doubted by anyone - that is the way society works. But having my name is a public declaration to society that I am the child's father.... That, also, is very important to a man.
- A double barrel name sounds posh and pretentious (see Ross O'Carroll Kelly), which is anathema to our values. Also, a double barrel with my name as the second barrel would inevitably end up with my name getting dropped anyway (my surname is a christian name to most people).
- A double barrel name would mean that my wife, I and our child would all have three different surnames. Some family, eh?
- Even allowing for the above, a double-barrel of our particular surnames would sound absolutely ridiculous. I would not want to inflict that on the child, all because myself and its mother had an argument over whether or not society is "patriarchal".
- My family name, which is highly unusual, will also die out if it is not passed on by me, as none of my siblings have kids, or are likely to ever have them.
Lately, she has been suggesting that we give the child the double-barrel name, and that we all change our name to this name. I almost choked on my cornflakes when she suggested this one..... I tried to explain how emasculating this would be, but she ignored my argument and called me a neanderthal again.
Am I a neanderthal, or is she being unfair by not even entertaining the idea of allowing the child to have my name?
Now, she is pregnant, and we are in dispute over what surname to give the child. I, as most fathers do, want the child to carry my name. She wants it to have her name, or a double barrel name with her name as the first barrel (for reasons I won't go into, a double barrel of our names would sound ridiculous with my name as the first barrel).
Now, I am very upset over this, and she can't understand why. She thinks I am some class of a neanderthal because I want the child to have my surname. But that isn't the case at all.
She won't listen to my arguments, which are basically:
- The woman gets to carry the child for 9 months, and to develop her bond with the child that way. For a father, passing on your family name is an important way to forge an immediate bond with the child. Women underestimate just how important this is to a man, and dismiss it all too easily. But to me, it is hugely important.
- The woman's status as mother will never be doubted by anyone - that is the way society works. But having my name is a public declaration to society that I am the child's father.... That, also, is very important to a man.
- A double barrel name sounds posh and pretentious (see Ross O'Carroll Kelly), which is anathema to our values. Also, a double barrel with my name as the second barrel would inevitably end up with my name getting dropped anyway (my surname is a christian name to most people).
- A double barrel name would mean that my wife, I and our child would all have three different surnames. Some family, eh?
- Even allowing for the above, a double-barrel of our particular surnames would sound absolutely ridiculous. I would not want to inflict that on the child, all because myself and its mother had an argument over whether or not society is "patriarchal".
- My family name, which is highly unusual, will also die out if it is not passed on by me, as none of my siblings have kids, or are likely to ever have them.
Lately, she has been suggesting that we give the child the double-barrel name, and that we all change our name to this name. I almost choked on my cornflakes when she suggested this one..... I tried to explain how emasculating this would be, but she ignored my argument and called me a neanderthal again.
Am I a neanderthal, or is she being unfair by not even entertaining the idea of allowing the child to have my name?