T'was the night before Christmas
and all through the house
everyone one felt rotten
even the mouse
Mom at the whorehouse
and Dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down to a nice
piece of ass
Then out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
to see what was the matter
There out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it had to be Saint Nick
He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
in a heap of confusion
the fucker just fell
He filled all the stockings
with pretzels & beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer
He rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart
He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
Piss on you all
Have a hell of a night!