Wife’s Contribution to the Mortgage, Bills etc. while seeking a Divorce

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Cruzer123 said:
or well over 2 decades I have paid the mortgage and every single bill including the weekly shopping. Lately this has consumed 80% of my earnings. Despite this she accuses me of financial control. Alas it was remiss of me to continue this arrangement for so long.
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If you haven't started already you need to start today and put in place a system tracking all of your spending to your earnings, It will be brought up sooner than later you need to have all outgoings receipts ready at all times to back up claim, you say your partner has a top solicitor engaged top solicitors don't like getting cought out with incorrect information up in front of a judge,
Cruzer123 said:
Anyone have any thoughts regarding whether this arrangement is fair in the pre divorce stage and any ideas how I may go about changing it?
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Don't change or attempt to change anything right now, don't hand over a stick for someone else to beat you up with,
 
bkenn14 said:
In most cases failing to engage in mediation will come against you in the end unless the other party try something foolish which gives them a get out of jail card
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Ok, so she point blank refused the idea of couples therapy, she’s likely heading straight to a contested divorce with no offer of mediation. She said she won’t be dealing with me on anything and will be guided by her solicitor (despite saying last week whether or not she’s seen a solicitor is none of my business).

She’s single minded, rigid in her opinions and not for changing.

I suspect given she’s refused counselling she’ll refuse mediation. I say this because she’s very unhappy angry and hostile for no good reason.

If it plays out that she has refused mediation how will it “come against” her in the end other than increased costs which are being paid by a family member. I will end up paying my own costs which will no doubt be significantly higher due to the her lack of insight on processes available to her.

From what I’ve seen and heard I feel like I’m about to be dragged into a ridiculously expensive contested divorce when I’d rather just mediate & split everything 50, 50 and be done with it.
 
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Cruzer123 said:
I’m feel like I’m getting dragged into a contested divorce when I’d rather just split everything 50, 50 and be done with it.
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Engage a solicitor and explain to them that you're willing to do this.

I find it curious that the children don't really feature prominently in your posts given that they're presumably still minors (you mention school, school trips and exams) so their care, custody and access to both parents will be issues that need to be negotiated and dealt with - and arguably take precedence over purely financial/property matters.
 
ClubMan said:
I find it curious that the children don't really feature prominently in your posts given that they're presumably still minors (you mention school, school trips and exams)
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They’re in their late teens and I’m being purposely vague. Custody won’t be an issue whatsoever, they’ll land in whichever home they want I’d guess.

I suspect I’ll be relegated to the Dad that spends a couple of hours with them at the weekend or a trip to the movies during the week. This is one aspect that galls me, missing time at home with them & being with them 27 x 7. Two still have a lot of growing to do.
 
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Cruzer123 said:
I suspect I’ll be relegated to the Dad that spends a couple of hours with them at the weekend or a trip to the movies during the wee
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only if you choose to be, It is a mistake a lot of Dads make, If your wish is for 50/50 Parenting making it known,
This opens up a new Discussion around providing the resources so you can provide 50/50 parenting which will bring both parties to the Mediation Table overworked judges expect things like that to be sorted in mediation,

Don't worry if the children don't at present want to stay with you 50% of the time you want the split of assets to leave you in a position if they change there minds to be able to offer then 50% or more time with you,
Getting Counselling on your own will do your case no harm,
 
ClubMan said:
Could she have a point here?
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Can’t see how, I pay for everything and have little left. She buys what she wants with her salary, I have zero input on this. Gave up trying years ago with her “I’m here for a good time not a long time” rhetoric.
 
I think your spouse has made it very clear she wants a divorce so you need to do the following things

Decide what you want in the future as a parent. Do you want to have your children live with you and take a full 50% parenting responsibility? If so your needs will be housing for you and your spouse that is suitable for your children to live in. This may be the costliest part of the divorce so give it plenty of thought.
Keep a record of all your current expenditure with receipts so that you can show how much of your income you are investing in the family.
Start saving for the divorce, assume €10k minimum.
Hire a solicitor and get advice.
Get counselling for yourself. You need to let a lot of the negativity towards your wife go.
Each party will come out of the divorce poorer and in a poorer financial position, so you need to be realistic on what you will need your money for in the future.
Continue to be a parent to your children now while this is all playing out. Do you screen the second level students from the turmoil enough?
 
bkenn14 said:
By costliest part do you mean extra legal cost to be incurred by Cruzer123
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I think the point is that, if custody and parenting are to be shared 50/50 even though the parents are living apart, then both parents need to have a home which can accommodate the children not as visitors, but as their home (or one of their homes). So, depending on the size of the family, both parents will need to have e.g. a four-bedroomed home (or larger). Which means the family's aggregate housing costs are going to rise by a large amount as a consequence of the split, and this will shape and constrain the financial settlement that is possible.
 
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