Wedding gift - not attending wedding

I'd send a Thank You Card, declining, but with a little voucher for someplace like Avoca or Meadows & Byrne.
They can buy something for themselves - or use it to buy a present for the next wedding that comes around!
 
I certainly wouldn't feel obligated to get them a present as you are not going, don't really know them and are a seat filler. They really won't be expecting anything from you. If you are getting something small, get them a nice picture frame or something like that for the home.
 
grenzgebiet said:
voucher for someplace like Avoca or Meadows & Byrne
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We got a voucher for a few hundred euro from an estranged uncle for the place that was there before Avoca in Suffolk Street. We don't go into town that often so never had the chance the spend it. Happened to be in town one Sunday and remembered to bring the voucher. It was their closing down sale!!! We had to spend a few hundred euro there and then on the remaining stock that they had or lose the money forever.
 
Personally I'd give nothing, maybe a card at a push especially if you feel you were an add on guest to make up numbers. I got invited once to one of my bosses son's wedding, I couldn't have picked him out of a line up and really think we all only got invites out of politeness or numbers who knows, either way there was no way any of us were actually going as it was 4 hrs away and realistically the people we would know would be the boss and wife and ourselves! I didn't give anything other than return the card but one of my colleagues felt she had to give 50 quid voucher at the time, bit annoying as none of the rest of us were doing that!

Anyway there is a lot of asking people who you know won't go in the expectations of getting some sort of gift, I was involved in wedding business for good few years and you'd surprised at the stuff that goes on. That said my own brother invited 400 to his wedding, now in fairness only about 280 showed up but his theory was that once they covered the cost of their meal with a gift (back in Tiger days when you'd get a nice old cash gift) then he wasn't out of pocket as still had to pay same amount for band/flowers/dress/car etc, fixed costs as such, only variable was the meal numbers.
 
misemoi said:
TBH I wouldn't bother, maybe a card with a lottery ticket or something. A nice message in the card wishing them well.
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Risky idea. What if they hit the jackpot?

One minute you had a ticket in your hand possibly worth millions....and then the next minute you gave it all away!
 
RentingD said:
Interesting how people are so easily offended! Irish Heart Foundation or Irish Cancer Society deal with issues that will probably affect every family at some stage. Better than some dust gatherer present
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Cancer and heart disease have both affected my direct family and I've had limited dealings with both, but there are still other charities I choose to support ahead of them. If you're choosing to donate to a charity on someone's behalf, you need to be sure it's a charity they value, otherwise it comes across as a token and selfish gesture. It's almost akin to happy birthday, here's a picture of the nice bottle of wine I consumed in your honour!
 
Clamball said:
Why on earth would they go about a religious ceremony, pre-marriage course, letters of freedom, etc unless they were publicly affirming their faith? That is why a mass card seemed appropriate to me.
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Because they just do! Nicer pics to be got in a church setting usually
 
Ah now, the fact you are a last minute add on cements my earlier advice - no gift, and not even a card is needed. I would think it the height of ignorance to invite someone simply because the first round guest list didn't all accept their invitations. I wonder if they have a third round list waiting to see if the second rounders will accept or decline. It's a bit like the CAO, only with the CAO you'd probably be delighted with the offer.
 
Marsha25 said:
I wonder if they have a third round list waiting to see if the second rounders will accept or decline.
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A fairer way would be to invite everyone you want and ask for gifts in advance.

The top 200 (or whatever your capacity is) then get accepted. Obviously you return the gifts of those who don’t make the cut.
 
I would say that you would get rubbishy gifts because a lot of people might reason "If I give them a rubbishy gift, they won't invite me to the wedding".

So the happy couple could turn this on their head.

"Before we invite anyone we are asking you to send a gift.
Those who give really good gifts will be excused from attending the wedding. "
 
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