Sibling squabble due to premature distribution

[sharealike]

This must happen so many times. Probate process makes clear it is wrong but what power can be used to get things straight again so the estate can be wound up in line with a will and the law.

Dear Mum passed away last month. Will says estate to be shared equally between three siblings. All three named as Executors. Probate applied for so just one can complete process swiftly. For now this executor is frightened to go and sign the oath so probate has not been granted.

And this is why. Three siblings met at the funeral. All went well. A week later came another meeting to place ashes with Fathers at the family home. Two siblings had clearly decided this would be the time and place for making requests as to what they wished to have from personal belongings. Shudder went down my spine as still grieving and not prepared for this at all. I found the suggestion most distasteful, knew what they started was not in the will but was unable to say this to my two older siblings. They had previous knowledge of what the other was going to request and gave each other their permission. One sibling left with a box of items which were not recorded nor was a receipt to the estate given. This same sibling returned to the house a few days later with one of their children and took even more items from the house in the name of them being given to the child. This despite the sibling agreeing they would not return. Had been warned that probate was not granted and the will did not provide for what they were attempting.

A firm written request was issued to all by the Executor designate to return items by a deadline so that there was no name or bias. Deadline passed as I went on the long arranged family holiday so could not know if the items had been returned. On return from holiday the executor designate sibling had started to cover up for the other. The items were now removed for safe keeping to prevent them from being stolen and the other sibling writes confirming that they have the items. I don't know what they are but guess a value from £500 to £1000. They have not been recorded. Oddly enough they have not decided to remove anything else of value to prevent it being stolen.

The ideal situation for me is the items are returned and the process continues as it should with no more said about one siblings bad behaviour. Have made that clear in writing, on the phone and at a face to face meeting called to resolve the issue. Problem is if this is allowed without correction then I feel the sibling who took the items has the other two down as complicit in what they did.

This rogue sibling now only communicates by email and despite giving written assurance that things will be itemised has still not provided the list. Now writes "you know what they". I don't and I'm certain the other Executor does not. Now writes to all regularly reminding that wants the money and quick about it as the house value is falling and all sorts. Started a witness to what has happened email chain which starts after all these events.

I have offered to provide an inventory of all items at the family home so that at the right and proper time (the end) the required distribution can take place according to the will and the law. A request made of the Executor designate shows the accounts as they were at the time of application for probate. There is no mention there of the items removed, no receipt for them nor any value given for items of value which should to my mind have been valued by a professional.

The probate process says Executors must gather in the complete estate and distribute according to the will and that Executors have right of access to all assets to do this. What power can be used to ensure the items are returned and the process gets back on track? The court sets out these rules but I fear there is no power without engaging expensive solicitors. Looks to me as if the rules and law can be ridden rough shot over by those who know what they can get away with. The other concern I have is that the final distribution will not be made in accordance with the will. That of course if we ever end the log jam and see my inheritance.

 

[mathepac]

I note that you have valued missing items in STG£, which leads me to conclude you are based in the UK. This is an Irish site and while common law jurisdictions have similarities in laws, they also have differences. Be careful about acting on any suggestions you receive here, or better still, maybe try a UK equivalent of askaboutmoney.com.

 

[sharealike]

Thank you mathepac. I am aware. See no general cautions on the site but apply my own. Similar occurs with American sites.

Would love to hear members opinions. I would also be willing to try UK sites if some can be recommended.

 

[Grizzly]

Same happened with my inheritance. Valuable items of ornaments, jewellery, clothing, furniture removed from house by one sibling. Same sibling also brought daughter to house to choose what she wanted. To make matters worse this siblings husband is the sole executor who hasn't noticed all these items being removed to his house.
We have demanded return of all items taken. We are being told to list the items we want returned. We are also being told that it was my parents wish that she should have these items. Some items of little or no value have been returned piecemeal but not the most valuable items.
We are at the stage of employing a solicitor to seek the return of these items. My recommendation to people who might find themselves in a similar position is to take photos of each room contents, jewellery etc.
I was taken aback by the greed of this sibling who was "marking" items for her own use over a period of time while both my parents were alive and subsequently in a nursing home.
Unfortunately some people have an elevated sense of entitlement.

 

[sharealike]

Good luck standing up to them. Like that expression "elevated sense of entitlement".
How strange the Probate Court appears to have no power to stop people stealing from the estate?
Might be easy to get proof the executor is sheltering the missing items. Then again I suspect there is no power for anyone to take action.

I just heard word that my sibling sole executor designate has taken a solicitors advice and signed the oath. Surely can't have been mentioned items have been taken and that excuses have been made to cover up the activities of rogue sibling. Probate could be another four weeks.

Solicitor says period between death and grant is no mans land with no clear responsibility who is responsible for the estate. I find that hard to swallow.

Three to four more weeks where rogue sibling can go back for the rest of the items without challenge. We all have keys. Makes you consider joining the "possession is nine tenths of the law" elevated entitlement brigade.

 

[browtal]

My experience in this regard is similar to yours. I just let it happen rather than have differences. I now regret not taking appropriate action to preserve my Mothers wishes,
rather than my own rights.
I cant believe anyone would act contrary to a loved ones wishes. I thought my Mother was loved by us all.
Expect not and you will not be disappointed.
Browtal

 

[Grizzly]

I now regret not taking appropriate action to preserve my Mothers wishes,
Browtal

When my mother died she wanted to have her funeral in the church that she was Christened in, made her communion and confirmation in and got married in. She also went to mass here every Sunday all her life (not her local parish church). The above sibling with the sense of entitlement decided that she was going to have my mother's funeral in the local parish church because it was politically correct and also because my mother had grown up in a less salubrious neighbourhood that wasn't in keeping with this siblings new found status. She was afraid that her neighbours and peers would find out about where my mother had lived as a child.
My elderly father was "convinced" that this was the correct thing to do.

 

[Thirsty]

Solicitor says period between death and grant is no mans land with no clear responsibility who is responsible for the estate.

I'm not legally qualified so hesitate to contradict someone who is, but I wonder if you've picked this up correctly?

From what I understand (and this is what my own Solicitor has confirmed) the executor(s) 'stand in the shoes' of the deceased. Until the assets are distributed, the executor(s) is/are responsible for the security, upkeep, insurance etc, of the property as if they owned it themselves.

In the case of the estate I am presently dealing with, the deceased wrote a (long and detailed!) Letter of Wishes in regards to personal effects (books/music etc.,) and since they are 'outside' the will and of no monetary value I have been able to distribute those as per their wishes.

They also detailed their funeral wishes, which was brilliant, as then there could be no argument about what was to be done.

Hasn't stopped one of the beneficiaries from acting the maggot, mind you... but that's another story....