Anniemac, now I see what you are at. What you are aiming for makes sense but UB do not see it that way. Anyone going for consolidation now with any bank are being told no currently but if you go for home improvements plus consolidation you have a better chance. Unfortunately for you UB do not agree.
The positives are that you have a relatively low mortgage, you are able to make all repayments and both of you are earning. You did what you had to get the business going, nothing wrong with that, we are where we are. Some suggestions
Can you go back to the manager at UB and ask them is there another way of getting around this?
Try a credit union, I know you do not have an account with them but if you have all your facts straight they may be able to help you. They are at least more humane than banks.
Have you tried all the other banks?
How about a broker, they know all the tricks
You must consider moving everything from UB even if this means losing your tracker. There are still great rates available for new customers. What I do not know is if the banks are actually open for any business.
Normally I don't agree with this but do you have any relative that could repay the 41K and you could repay them?
I know it's difficult especially as your other half is ignoring the problem, you need to forget about him for now and try and get this sorted yourself so that you can find some equilibrium. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.