Secret wedding- would you be offended if not invited

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newbiehelp

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Hey

Question…. Would you be angry if not invited your children’s or siblings wedding or would you accept it’s the couples choice and up to them if they wanted a quiet affair with no fuss?

Families in different counties; several family members unable to travel etc, even if we only invite immediate family it will turn into a bigger affair than we want !

It seems a choice of offend everyone or offend one side of the family …. Or end up having a day that we don’t want just to please everyone???

Happy to announce it afterwards but just want a fuss free, stress free ceremony / day that suits us as a couple.
 
I found out that my sister was getting married an hour before the ceremony.... She and her partner had gone on holiday to Bermuda (which I knew about) and had arranged to hold their wedding there.

I felt aggrieved at the time, but that didn't last.
We wouldn't be close, which might have a bearing!

OP, I would do what you want to do, don't try to please everyone because it never works out.
 
I’d be very upset if it was kept secret and I only became aware after the event.

But if my son told me he was going to get married in private and without any fuss, I could understand that.
 
The plan is to have a ceremony in the registry office, go for a nice meal … done and dusted.

Neither of us have ever had parties for any big life events .. and anytime we have to go to a wedding we always say all the fuss is not for us

We’ve been together so long, it’s only to make it official, the actual day itself is a minor detail.

So now after the few responses, would you be offended more by:
A) being told after the event
B) being told before the event but then not being invited

The aim is not to hurt anyone but just to make it a nice stress-free day for us both
 
Tell all relevant parties well before the event and explain your rationale. Once they understand they'll be delighted for you both and understand why no big fuss.

Telling them after the event they'll feel slighted and genuinely will feel relegated as also rans.
 
newbiehelp said:
Neither of us have ever had parties for any big life events .. and anytime we have to go to a wedding we always say all the fuss is not for us

We’ve been together so long, it’s only to make it official, the actual day itself is a minor detail.

So now after the few responses, would you be offended more by:
A) being told after the event
B) being told before the event but then not being invited
Click to expand...

Option A is best.
Once it is done everyone will accept it (even if a few are initially disappointed). If you inform them beforehand you will open it all up for discussion with more room for some to be disgruntled and subsequent hard feelings.

Been there and done that (option A), by the way.

My only caveat is that it has to truly be a joint decision - without pressure.
 
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I got married with just two people there, either do it that way with minimum number or invite all the close family that should be invited.

I feel I would be hurt more so than angry to be not told/invited if other people are if the relationship is the same as such. It's a fine line! If there are children then I think you could limit it to just them and no need for siblings etc. Be bad though to leave your own kids out if you have them.
 
Just go for it...

It's a personal moment, don't feel that you have to put on a show for everyone else.

You'll also save yourself a fortune !
 
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