Saw Child Verbally Abused in Shop

Was in Tesco yesterday evening. Heard shouting about three or four tills down. Woman doing shopping, had a child in tow, a quiet little girl could have been anywhere from 3 to 5. Dont know what ensued, but the jist of it when I looked the little girl was struggling to hold a box of cereal , almost as big as herself.

Either she was unable to hold it or something, but the woman was shouting in a terrible abusive manner at the child and pulling the cereal box back and forth. Child was attached to the box and was being jerked backwards and forwards quite roughly. Everyone around looked stunned but nobody said anything. Went on for a few minutes.

Me being me, was going to tell her what for and then I said perhaps I will make it worse for the child when she gets home. I put down my basket, followed her to car park and took her car registration number.

What do I do with it - contact Gardai, Community Gardai, or Social Services? If thats the way the child is treated in public, I hate to see what happens to her at home.

The underlying thing I took from it was that the child, was not crying, but looked so so sad. What is the best way to follow up.

I guess some or all of the advice here would apply?

Concerned neighbour

However in this case I doubt that anybody is going to (be able to?) trace her through a car number alone on the basis of this report?

Describe "terrible abusive manner'

"Either she was unable to hold it or something"...... so are you unclear as to what exactly was going on?

Perhaps you are overreacting to this incident? Yopur description makes it out to be an assault on a child but it may just have been a stubborn child refusing to do what her mother said for the umpteenth time that day.

Some of these threads are making me nervous of going outside the door with our "terrible twos" nipper in case I get lynched or arrested by do gooders for not being the perfect parent.

ninsaga said:

Describe "terrible abusive manner'

"Either she was unable to hold it or something"...... so are you unclear as to what exactly was going on?

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I know it is terrible to see a child treated that way and I know every case of abuse/neglect that comes out has loads of examples where people looked the other way but you only saw a bit of what happened - not that whatever went before could excuse it. Unless you know the whole picture it is hard to be judgemental. The child could have taken down the cereal off a shelf even though the woman told her she wasn't getting it and then the child refused to put it back. The woman could have been patient with the child for hours. The child could have been moaning and groaning all day and the bit you saw could have been the moment she snapped. It doesn't excuse it but it happens. Anyway you just don't know.

ClubMan said:

Some of these threads are making me nervous of going outside the door with our "terrible twos" nipper in case I get lynched or arrested by do gooders for not being the perfect parent.

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And you'll find the do gooders are either not parents themselves or are parents with memory loss who cannot remember what it was like to have a terrible twos toddler!

Welfarite said:

Perhaps you are overreacting to this incident? Yopur description makes it out to be an assault on a child but it may just have been a stubborn child refusing to do what her mother said for the umpteenth time that day.

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I agree - shopping with toddlers is a nightmare and a half, particularly in the evening when their blood sugar levels are probably lower and they are getting tired and cranky.

Woman had shopping in a basket and child, from what I could make out, child had been told to carry the large box. When I looked the child was struggling to walk with the box and had put it down and picked it back up and was ambling toward the check out. Woman not happy with child slouching or whatever, grabbed the box from above and was pulling it back and forth while all the time shouting at the child. What she was saying was mostly incoherrent! I could make out somethings (Calling the child stupid, effing....whatever, ) child appeared to know she was told to carry the box and did not want to let her mother down. Child still attached to box and was being shaken back and forth.

When I was growing up you could be given a wallop if you really pushed your luck. This was something else. Pure rage. Eyes bulging. Scary stuff. Totally lost control. I dont care what child did(meek child did not appear to do anything, did not see but could have been bold earlier) but I was shocked. Believe me folks, takes a lot to shock me.

I am the first to say bloody do-gooders, but can assure you not the case. If she had been giving out to the child fair enough, but I could hear her cursing, and using foul language before I even came around the corner to the tills. I might go back and see if the checkout girl is on and get her feedback because I could see the look on her face.

Really, its one of those things you would have to see to believe.

I am thinking of having a word with the community guard and sound her out to see if by giving the car number they can follow up and get details. Will ask if possible for them to speak to staff in Tesco, to see if they viewed the incident in a similar manner.

Are you a parent yourself?

Good God, why is everyone so accepting of a child being shouted at.
If it was bad enough for a person to note it, follow the person to her car, post it here etc then we should not just say ah terrible twos.
People are so willing to witness children being abused and just not even comment on it any more.

You do not have to be a parent to realise shouting at a small child is wrong wrong wrong no matter what they did.

Makes you wonder how they are treated at home when parents are willing to treat them like that in public.

For the record I am a parent of three small children.

mother of 2 tiddlers here, step mother to another, this was unacceptable, totally agree with above poster that we are taking a lay back attitude to the whole " parent shout at / hit child thing ".

more needs to be done.

You say the girl was struggling to hold the cereal (almost as big as herself which is big even if she was only three!) but then say she was “attached” to it, being “jerked back and forth”. Either the child was a mini Tyson or the mother was Posh Spice. Can you describe how you know when a person is “stunned” as opposed to observing an interesting cameo from a distance? And, finally, you decided that because the child didn’t cry, she was past that point rather than just being stubborn. Let me rewrite your story:


“Was in Tesco yesterday evening. Heard a raised voice a few tills down. Woman with a child was shopping, a girl of 3 t0 5. Don’t know what happened but the gist of it was when I looked, the little girl was holding onto a box of cereal.
The woman was shouting at the child and trying to wrestle the cereal box from her. The child wouldn’t let go. People were staring. Went on for a few minutes.”

I am absolutely gobsmacked at the attitudes expressed here.

Bamhan said:

I am absolutely gobsmacked at the attitudes expressed here.

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Sometimes people just dont want to know, and its easier to walk on by than say something and cause hassle.
But its hard to know whether or not to give the benefit of the doubt and assume this is a once off or on the other hard you will wonder is this going on all of the time ??

Tough call

When I was growing up you could be given a wallop if you really pushed your luck.

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If she did this instead of shouting at her would you have reacted differently? There are alot of holes in the story and while it is always uncomfortable when you see people having a go at their kids you have to remind yourself that kids do push boundaries and sometimes parents do lose their tempers. I would let it go now, if you felt it at that time that was the time to act, but sometimes hindsight makes a situation seem worse,

Pure rage. Eyes bulging. Scary stuff. Totally lost control. I dont care what child did(meek child did not appear to do anything, did not see but could have been bold earlier)

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.

You do not have to be a parent to realise shouting at a small child is wrong wrong wrong no matter what they did.

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I don't think I have ever met a parent that hasn't shouted at a child, mine included and that would make for a hell of alot of bad parents in your eyes.

" parent shout at / hit child thing ".

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Two very different things and an example of how details get exaggerated.

Shouting at a child is bad parenting in my book.
And yes I have been guilty at times and I was wrong and admit that.

I doubt anyone would say that shouting at a child was a 'good' thing.

I am not a parent myself, its not really relevant, but have seen my sister loose the rag with her two (9 months and five) and telling them off and giving out quite forcefully when they have been complete pains.

I have however, first hand experience of the long term effects of serious child abuse and how it can destroy people and families and follow on into adult life.

Am not really looking for advice on whether people feel she was out of order or not, to my mind she was 100% out of order, my question is given that I only have a car registration number, can I do anything.

D'ont ever turn a blind eye.

I don't know why people are so ready to pick holes in this story? From my reading, the OPs question is, what would you do if you saw a child being treated in an unacceptable manner that gave cause for concern. I don't think the point is whether we believe this particular situation warrented it or not, after all we weren't there, the OP was.