Pre nuptial agreement a few weeks before wedding

B

Bigbird

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Hi, I'm just wondering if it's worth getting a pre nuptial agreement before tying the knot. I bought a house over a decade ago which was rented out up to about 2 and a half years ago. My solicitor says the time frame may be an issue should the agreement be used further down the road. Technically, a judge looks for a pre nup to be completed 3 months before a wedding. Also, we have kids. I'm not sure how that might change things in a court of law.

Anyway, whilst I'm aware that there would be no disadvantage to having a pre nup do ye think that it's worth going for it. Legal costs to craft one are high -approximately e1,500 plus VAT. I'm financially stretched at the moment but may regret not investing in one should things go wayward further on down the road.

Regards

BB
 
Did your solicitor explain that pre-nups are not legally binding in Ireland? At most they may inform the court's decision.
 
Yeah that was discussed during the meeting. The time element is my biggest concern as it may undermine something that isn't legally binding anyway, which makes it even more less attractive.
 
Yeah, I can see that it says it recommends for one to be completed no less than 28 days before the wedding in order for it to be enforceable.
 
So do you think that I should just leave it be? Sorry for the ridiculous questions I'm just want no regrets!!
 
What does your other half think? Presume you are not just springing this on them a month before the wedding.
 
Why do you need a pre nup? It doesn't seem the most ideal way to start a marriage.
 
We'll I want to get married 110 percent,however, it just when I bring my mind to the what ifs. That's when it gets scary. I worked very hard for my house and took extended maternity leaves to help raise our kids. On the other hand, my hubby to be is moving onwards and upwards in his career. While I was on maternity leaves he did a masters, which I encouraged and obviously supported. I'm positively behind in my career and also missed out on crucial opportunities. When I look at the 'what ifs' then I think how worse off I'd be should things move in a negative direction. Having said that paying 1,500e when times are tight for something that has the potential to be scrapped in the court of law (due to insufficient time) would annoy me.

And no, I didn't spring it on him. We have being discussing this for quite some time but due to loads of other stuff forgot about it until now.

Regards

BB
 
Is your hubby to be the father of your kids. Have you both been together while you bought your house?

What are the what if's. Divorce?
 
No, I bought the house just before we met. I have it for over 10 years now and we are going out 10 years. Yes, he is the father of my children. The thing that gets me is that I worked like a mad woman in my twenties to purchase a house and he used his money on holidays, parties and generally having fun. Having said that and to be fair to him he did have a deposit for a house that we are now using as savings. He's a great guy and I adore him, however things happen like separations/divorces and I'd be hopping with anger if I thought that I led a very sensible and measured youth in order to save for a house for someone else (who was more chilled than me in relation to finances) to benefit. I'm an extremely responsible individual (and so is he now) and always was since I was very young.
 
I really don't get this. In marriage, the dictum "whats yours is mine and what's mine is yours" is, in my view where it all starts and ends. You are in this together and carving out what you did 10 years ago does not sound to me like you are in the mental space for sharing your existence completely

Why get married if you are in that headspace?
 
Bigbird said:
The thing that gets me is that I worked like a mad woman in my twenties to purchase a house and he used his money on holidays, parties and generally having fun.

Having said that and to be fair to him he did have a deposit for a house that we are now using as savings.

I'm an extremely responsible individual (and so is he now)
Click to expand...

Did you live together for the last 10 years. Did he go on holiday alone. Who paid for the kids food, clothing, schooling etc. Did you go out with your partner in the last 10 years and who paid.

If you're already thinking along the lines of separation and divorce then are you sure you want to get married. In any case you're wasting your time. A pre nup as far as I no is not yet valid in Ireland. What happens if you lose your job and he becomes the main earner? Would you expect him to then consider that income his?
 
amgd28 said:
I really don't get this. In marriage, the dictum "whats yours is mine and what's mine is yours" is, in my view where it all starts and ends. You are in this together and carving out what you did 10 years ago does not sound to me like you are in the mental space for sharing your existence completely

Why get married if you are in that headspace?
Click to expand...

I think you either "get" pre-nuptial agreements or you don't. To me, the idea is perfectly sensible and reasonable and in no way reflects on anyone's full commitment to a marriage. In fact, I'd be inclined to think that people who actually think this kind of thing through and discuss it properly are somewhat more likely to have the kind of open and honest relationship that is more likely to stay strong over many years.

As for whether or not something like this is necessary, I think you only have to read through the very many threads here on AAM about couples who have split and are in disagreement about property. While admittedly most of those cases involve negative equity and/or debt, it would seem to give a good indication that just admitting the possibility of a breakdown of a relationship is not unreasonable.
 
No, we didn't live together for the last 10 years - only the last 3. The house was rented. Yes, there were times he went on holidays on his own or with his friends. I always had to keep money for maintaining the house and for gaps between rentals ( which often happened), which meant I never had as much money as him.

Also, I rule with my heart but also with my head. I'm not buying into the idea that everything will be good in the end because this ain't Hollywood and sometimes you can't make it good. I'm realistic and realise that life can sometimes be complicated and people may grow in different directions. I'm praying to god that it doesn't knock on my door but who knows? I can't control another human being! All I'm saying is after such a devastating event I'd like not to have to worry about money as I'd be grappling with enough stress already. Having said that it is possible that the pre nup could be ignored in a court of law under the grounds that he didn't have enough time to think about it which would be another waste of 1,500 plus VAT.

We have kids and bills to pay so I'm very careful how I spend my money these days!
 
Given the uncertainty re the legality of such agreements the discussion here now appears to have moved towards the actual effect of the process itself on a potential life partnershp agreement that the OP is entering into. It's definitely a discussion worth having with a new husband/wife at this time. While it's quite a while ago now, I owned my house prior to getting married and my wife always referred to at as my house until we moved. Marraige does involve a big risk and the placing of huge trust on your partner. I was always of the opinion that once I got married I owned nothing and to a large extent our combined assets were there for the purposes of raising and looking after our children. While I can understand the concept of a pre-nup where a family farm or business can be put at risk, I cannot see the point of one where minor assets are being brought into the partnership. A house might well be worth 100/200K but in general (no inference on the OP) if a person is dodgy about investing this amount into a marraige, then perhaps it may need to be re-considered. Perhaps it's justt me but the whole concept of a pre-nup other than when huge assets are at stake do not rest easy, with the concept of vows which commit to a lifelong partnership!
 
I agree that this a very sensible approach but unfortunately I know nothing about Pre-nups as I thought they were not recognized in Ireland.

Most of us get married in the hope that this is forever and do our best to make it work. With the best will in the world this is not always the case and then comes the split. I don't think I would be very happy to walk away with less than my share while he who had taken the more blasé route reaps the benefit of my more careful attitude.

A split is not usually done with a smile and many things are said and done in the heat of an argument so looking at it in a realistic way is a very good idea. Having a long term plan can take away many stresses.
 
Thanks for your responses. Perhaps a house and it's value is not of much significance to you financially Brendan 44 but to your average joe blogs it's a lot (sad to report but one man's lifestyle another man's poverty). There was a time that pre nups were for those with heaps of buckaroos but even now your average person who worked hard for their asset would like to see it work in their advantage (no matter how much it is) should things go belly up further on down the road.

Once again, should I go for it and will my partner need to get a pre nup too should he meet with his own solicitor to agree to my pre nup or how does it work?

BB
 
BB, have you talked to a solicitor about this? I think you could probably get a half hour consultation for free that might tell you more about the legal implications than the board here (apologies if I'm maligning the posters!). My reason for suggesting this is simply that AFAIK prenups are not enforceable in Ireland, especially where children are involved. With children, the impact on them of the split will be considered, not any prenup. I could be completely wrong, which is why I'm suggesting you talk to a professional who knows what use a prenup would be to you.

Ugh, just re-read and saw that you have discussed this with a solicitor, did he say it was legal? AFAIK, your hubby-to-be should get his own legal advice before signing a pre-nup, but doens't need to draw up his own.
 
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