Post Leaving Cert ...next steps

Hi,

Looking for career guidance for my son who completed his Leaving Cert in 2005. In the main he has no definite career aspirations. While he was an average student in school he made no real effort to acquire points as he had no intentions of going to college. He passed his Leaving Cert with 210 points . Today he has a part time job for 15-20 hours a week which he acquired last summer.
I am struggling to convince him of the need to push himself to acquire new skills , apply for new roles to gain additonal experience. He seems content to continue as is for the foreseeable future which I find difficult to accept.

Ideally I'm looking to get him career guidance , aptitude assessments to enable him make career plans. He my also require some personal development to grow his confidence and self belief. He is 19 and showing no signs of taking responsibility for his life.

Any suggestions on next steps

no offence ment but is he still living at home?
Maybe you should do the tough love - ask him for 80e per week digs money and forget doing his washing and dinners. make him see this way that you get nothing for nothing in this life.
Its how our house worked and although my mother gave me half my money back as a gift when i got married i always thought it was a good way to approch the "welcome to the real world" subject.
At the end of the day if he is not interested in hearing it, are wasting you money on paying people to talk sense into him.

Sorry if i seem harsh.

My younger brother went through the same thing when he finished his leaving. Had a grand part-time job and wasted away the rest of his time hanging around the house. He ended up drinking a lot and now regrets the whole period of his life. Our mother pushed him constantly with choices which only made him stay down the pub or locked up in his room. Be careful not too push him too much it will only delay any choice he may make. What we did with my brother was had 3 people he knew (cousins and neighbours who were slightly older in their early twenties) talk to him about what they were doing. Don't let on that your having jane or john over to talk about a possible career path. These things need to be planted and allowed to grow so don't over-water it. It worked out that my brother had a shot at college, quit and went on to have a very rewarding job working with the disabled.

Is there any adult family member or friend of the family that he looks up to? Maybe getting said adult to have a friendly chat with your son might work better than you nagging at him?

Maybe along the lines of what he'd like to do with himself now that he's left school. If he expresses an interest in a certain area, find out more about how he could get into the area, courses etc. Give him the info and let him be the one to make the decision...obviously done in a such a way that he doesn't know your behind it

My mum is the eldest in her family. A couple of my uncles are about 15 years older than me. I would have listened to them, and taken more notice of their opinions or advise as a teenager than I would have of my parents. In turn they have often asked me to have a chat with their teenagers re studying for leaving cert, what they want to do in college as they feel that their kids listen more to me or someone of a simiar age than them.

I don't see how dragging him along to a career guidance counseller will help the situation.

I think this is a fairly widespread problem. I know that I and several of my friends have younger brothers who went through (and in some cases are still going through, even at 25+ years of age) something similar.

Based on my experience and observation I'd say the following:

Try to avoid going the heavy handed you-have-to-make-something-of-your-life route. There's a strong possibility of just getting his back up and so drawing out the whole situation.

I hope this question doesn't offend you too much but do you really know your son as a person? If you know him well there's more chance you'll be able to understand his attitude to work and help him with career choices etc. Does he know how concerned you are about this? It would be useful if you could ask yourself some searching questions as well to discover exactly what it is in this situation that bothers you the most and makes it difficult to accept. Why do you feel there is a need for him to push himself to acquire new skills etc.?

Would you be content if all he ever wanted to do was work in a pub/shop (these are the two jobs which come to mind when you talk about part-time work).

Are you supporting him financially? It sounds like it as I don't think anyone could be living on the money from a part-time job. While it's fantastic that parents can support their children by giving them a home and paying for bills etc. it's also important that this isn't taken advantage of. There are a few threads on when children should start handing up money at home and how much etc. which might be interesting reading for you.

Would your son be interested in travelling at all? If he has no particular aspirations then travel, as they say, broadens the mind, and may lead him to discovering what he'd like to do. If he also had a goal of saving towards this it may be more of an incentive to find more work.

Found old thread re kids handing up money at home here: http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=14691

I have to say I agree with Nelly. Perhaps your son is very comfortable with a 'pocket money' job because he hasn't much of an idea of the cost of living. You may need to point out that as he is an adult he is responsible for his own future/career. If he is making a 'career' out of a part time job then he should have to handle a share in running the house and paying his way. It may lead him to realising that he needs to get his head together and make some choices, when he sees that part time income won't get him very far in the real world.

He is very young I have to say I had no idea about the 'real world' when I left school. Maybe he'd be happy to work in a pub or shop for life, it depends on the person. Maybe if you know what he's interested he could make a career out of that. Maybe he could apply to the civil service, as they hold open competitions. He really is very young there isnt a panic. Let him enjoy his youth for the moment

Hi ,

Thanks for the input .... so far I have talked to him regularly trying to promote ideas / suggestions on type of jobs he should apply for. I allowed him to relax after the Leaving and adjust to working life. I negotiated a contribution from him to the household but only when he works 20hrs + per week. He is no trouble at home or otherwise but is very laid back. I 'm trying to make him see he has all these extra hours each week which drift past him. He could be using this time to improve his PC skills , do a course etc. My thought process was to get a neutral person to talk to him and provide guidance ....I'll explore with a family member or friend to progress.

thanks

I have a friend who's in a simlar boat. Young lad going nowhere overdoing the sponging off his parents thing. I think the main reason why this individual is in this situation is because he smokes more than his fair share of weed.
I have said it to him that he lacks any "Go" due to weed but he couldn't care less.
i suppose at the end of the day it's his life and he can do what he wants with it. I've given my opinon. I can't help thinking if his parents weren't such a soft touch that he'd be different.

I definately think he should contribute at home if he is working but I think €80 is a bit much - maybe €50 would be a good start.

I hope he takes the time to choose something he will actually enjoy to make his living from.

See this recent thread here for what a lot of my peers 26/27 are going through at the moment : http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=21092

I rushed straight into a degree after my Leaving and now I am going back to retrain because I made the wrong choice. There's nothing wrong with taking a year out but he should use the time to think about what he enjoys and what he would like to do.

Was there any subject at school he enjoyed (or tolerated ) more than others? What about becoming a guard/prision officer/fire man. What I think is a great idea is to get an apprenticeship/trade. Maybe he would like that?

Ask him where would he like to see himself in 5 years? 10 years? Have fun with he process, encourage him to dream a bit.
Then ask him to list three things he'd like to achieve and the timescale he's like to achieve them in. Ask him to suspend his beliefs around these goals if negative........
This won't solve the problem of lack of motivation immediately, but its a start. Motivation comes from thinking about why you want something, so get him to try to figure out what he wants...........if he says he doesn't know (90% of the time that is wjhat he will say), he is not being honest with himself. He does know, and it simply needs to be drawn out of him in an encouraging manner.

best of luck
t

I allowed him to relax after the Leaving and adjust to working life. I negotiated a contribution from him to the household but only when he works 20hrs + per week.

Click to expand...

Seriously, he sounds like he didn't kill himself during the leaving, he hardly needed a break after it!

By "negotiating" the contribution from him (whatever happened to the good old 'its my house' ultimatum ), all you have done is given him a massive disincentive to work anything more than 19 hours per week - you should charge him €50 p/w as suggested above, then he will at least have an incentive to work longer hours to make up the shortfall in his income - nothing like working 40 hours p/w at a dreary entry-level, no-skill job to motivate you to get some qualifications!