Opening gifts

Thirsty

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As children, we were taught to accept gifts, thank the giver, open the present, express our gratitude in the normal way and follow up with a letter to say thank you.

Granted these days the thank you letter seems to have gone the way of the dodo. A recently married family member took 8 months to send a thank you card.

However, that's by the by.

I'm noticing a tendency these days for gifts to be accepted and then put to one side unopened.

Whilst it's possible my taste in gift purchasing is excreable, I don't believe I'm deviating too far from the usual standards! ;)

Has this delayed response become the norm?
 
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Amnt sure... is there concern about being too present hungry if you rip them open there and then?
Being unable to hide your preference for present A over present B...
Absolute lack of interest in presents from those who have everything?
 
If there's a large gathering; then yes presents would definitely be put to one side and opened later. That would in my view be the mannerly thing to do.

But in the instances I'm thinking of in the last 12 months, there was only one person / a couple, and I was a little taken aback to see this done.

Since it's happened more than once, I'm wondering if this is some new idea?
 
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If there's a large gathering; then yes presents would definitely be put to one side and opened later. That would in my view be the mannerly thing to do.
But in the instances I'm thinking of in the last 12 months, there was only one person / a couple, and I was a little taken aback to see this done.
Since it's happened more than once, I'm wondering if this is some new idea?

I would be surprised also in those circumstances... a little baffling to me.
 
I would be surprised also in those circumstances... a little baffling to me.

Not a problem I deal with nearly often enough, but some people make it obvious they want you to open a gift in their presence to see your reaction, others appear happier for it to be put aside, uncomfortable with the overly-commercialised nature of gift giving these days.
 
the overly-commercialised nature of gift giving..
In this country it's quite usual to give gifts on birthdays, anniversaries, birth of a new baby etc.,

There are cultures where opening gifts directly is not considered polite; but here in Ireland (and in Europe generally I believe) it would be normal to open a present when it's given to you (again, assuming it's not a large gathering).

I wondered if this viewpoint had changed recently, but I don't think so from talking to others.
 
In this country it's quite usual to give gifts on birthdays, anniversaries, birth of a new baby etc.,

I didn't suggest otherwise. Historically gifts would have been modest and more personal. In recent times, and more especially during the boom there was a lot of discussion on gifts and the ever increasing expectation of recipients for more and more generous gifts. There have been threads here where recipients felt somehow cheated that their friends hadn't met their extravagant expectations. People spoke about returning wedding gifts they didn't consider expensive enough. Family and friends fell out. With the recession that followed some of the commercialisation receded, but it's still there, as is a fear of not being seen to be generous enough or that of not being able to hide disappointment in the face of an unwanted gift.

My view is if I give someone a gift, it is entirely up to them when to open it, I don't feel cheated of a little endorphin rush if I don't get to witness their reaction.
 
For what it's worth, I would always open the gift as the 'gifter' usually has a little story about why they picked out that particular gift e.g. wine, restaurant voucher etc.

I can see why if receiving gifts from numerous parties, you wouldn't want to open all at same time as there may be range in value of the presents and it may not be fair on some of the gifters.
 
someone a gift, it is entirely up to them when to open it,
Indeed one can't do otherwise.

My question was if, what was once considered polite / mannerly / usual i.e. opening a gift on receipt, has now changed?

being able to hide disappointment in the face of an unwanted gift.
I think this is a social skill that, if you didn't learn as a child, you should certainly strive to do so as an adult.

I don't feel cheated of a little endorphin rush if I don't get to witness their reaction.

Strange comment.
 
Indeed, rather as all brides are beautiful and all babies are adorable.

Social skills. Very important.
 
Fine when we were far less evolved and being outcast was the equivalent of a death sentence. But the insecure need to be liked and 'everything is wonderful' mindset is the root of every crappy product out there. More honesty would result in a lot less waste.
 
You both must surely be aware that there is a world of difference between social grace and courtesy and outright dishonesty.

Even if you dislike a gift, think the brides dress is appalling or have never seen such an ugly baby in your life, good manners requires you to keep those thoughts to yourself.

There's always something positive to compliment, if you make an effort.
 
You both must surely be aware that there is a world of difference between social grace and courtesy and outright dishonesty.
That's an excellent point. ;)

Even if you dislike a gift, think the brides dress is appalling or have never seen such an ugly baby in your life, good manners requires you to keep those thoughts to yourself.
I dunno, you can always whisper your thoughts to the person beside you at the wedding, nearly all babies look the same and most gifts are so-so.

There's always something positive to compliment, if you make an effort.
Must try harder!
 
I have on a couple of occasions had the conversation with a serial bad gifter in advance of the next gifting occasion that while I really appreciate the thought and expense they have gone to, I'd really just prefer something like X instead. They now spend less and get me something I actually want or will use. Turns out it makes both parties happier and builds trust.

Obviously there's no need to go for brutal honesty to the extent of the plot of 'The Invention of Lying', the little white lie is a fundamental part of human bonding, but I wouldn't trust anyone who always tells me everything is great.
 
I have on a couple of occasions had the conversation with a serial bad gifter in advance of the next gifting occasion that while I really appreciate the thought and expense they have gone to, I'd really just prefer something like X instead. They now spend less and get me something I actually want or will use. Turns out it makes both parties happier and builds trust.

Obviously there's no need to go for brutal honesty to the extent of the plot of 'The Invention of Lying', the little white lie is a fundamental part of human bonding, but I wouldn't trust anyone who always tells me everything is great.
That's another great post Leo...
 
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"in advance" is a different circumstance.

In any event, I trust you opened the gift when it was given to you!
 
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