Office colleague is spreading false rumours and makes snide remarks about me?

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

AlbacoreA said:

Why do all that. Just tell them once. Stop all the comments, or I'll make a formal complaint. An adult doesn't need three chances.

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Because
- OP has let it run for six months
- many of the remarks are ambiguous, and it might be that no one on its own would amount to an infraction
- OP has at least once allowed himself be drawn into a verbal exchange on this character's terms
- some adults do need a number of chances before getting the message
- moving a matter like this into formal procedure is difficult for the complainant as well as for the offender.

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

Padraigb said:

Because
- OP has let it run for six months
- many of the remarks are ambiguous, and it might be that no one on its own would amount to an infraction
- OP has at least once allowed himself be drawn into a verbal exchange on this character's terms
- some adults do need a number of chances before getting the message
- moving a matter like this into formal procedure is difficult for the complainant as well as for the offender.

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Thats exactly why hes shouldn't do it.

Its getting into verbal exchanges again.

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

I think the bully is jealous of you. You are newly married and due to be parents later on this year. Sometimes the bully can be jealous when they see a person who they consider to be 'quiet' or lower than them (i.e. uncool) getting on well in life.

If you say nothing/go subdued/put a face on when the bully makes remarks, then he knows he is getting to you.

The right thing to do is to laugh at him. People, (esp. ones who consider themselves cool, hate being laughed at. When he makes a remark, you could say X is at it again, laugh and ask him if he wants to say anything else. Then you could say that his remark is inappropriate while laughing at him.

I have been bullied in the past, because I am quiet. Laughing at the bully and reminding yourself that they are jealous of you, is the best medicine.

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

Why do all that. Just tell them once. Stop all the comments, or I'll make a formal complaint. An adult doesn't need three chances.

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Agreed with this. Catch him on his own, make him aware that youre not happy with the comments and feel that even though you know he may be only joking youre not happy about the comments and request he stop.

Lots of offices have banter between several people, sometimes just two as it appears in this case, he may not see it as bullying though. Your earlier post about the "draw a a diagram" looks like he wants to be seen to be quick witted so it indeed may be just banter thats got out of control, but he really only needs one warning from you.

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

buzybee said:

The right thing to do is to laugh at him. People, (esp. ones who consider themselves cool, hate being laughed at. When he makes a remark, you could say X is at it again, laugh and ask him if he wants to say anything else. Then you could say that his remark is inappropriate while laughing at him.

I have been bullied in the past, because I am quiet. Laughing at the bully and reminding yourself that they are jealous of you, is the best medicine.

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Poor advice. Laughing will be used against you when things go official. You can't expect a bully to take you seriously if you are laughing about it.

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

Maybe you could roll it all into one? Make fun of him, tell him to stop and threaten him all at the same time. Point out casually that he seems so fixated on you being gay that you're beginning to think he's gay himself and he fancies you or something? Then say well you're not gay and if it continues you'll take it as sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is a very serious matter these days.

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

WGT, what does it matter if you are starting a new job on the 6th of April?
http://www.askaboutmoney.com/showthread.php?t=107942

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

annR said:

Maybe you could roll it all into one? Make fun of him, tell him to stop and threaten him all at the same time. Point out casually that he seems so fixated on you being gay that you're beginning to think he's gay himself and he fancies you or something?

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Again, poor advice. This is a workplace, not a schoolyard. The OP should make his concerns known directly and clearly. Laughs and giggles will cause confusion, and may be used in evidence against the OP at a later stage.

Re: Office Innuendo Slander

If he thought you were gay he wouldn't say it. It is a wind up and if you are not the type that can give it back you are going to have to muster up the courage to address him seriously in front of staff or possibly the boss along the lines of 'if you comment about my wife or sex life in public again you will force me to take things further'. My own line would be 'hey x thanks again for last night you really are a dark horse'.