If the Revenue allocated your tax credits to your husband and to yourself, as you say, then certainly it is your fault.
While obviously you paid less tax than you should have done, you did nothing wrong, accepting that things happened as you say.
I would be quite strong with Revenue here, you paid tax in line with the credits they issued, if there was a requirement to file a self assessment in any of those years it might be a little different, but if all income was subject to PAYE and you provided all the correct information and paid the tax demanded, then its not your problem.
If you refuse to and they issue a demand you can appeal that, I cannot see any Revenue officer going in front of an appeal tribunal saying, "we cocked up" and now we want to have a second chance to do things correctly.
If you are going back into business you need to be careful that Revenue dont mark you down for special attention, if you will be PAYE only that is less an issue. In fairness Revenue tend to play straight, in my experience they don't bully people.
Revenue will ask for the tax owed to be paid back either as a lump sum or as separate lump sums for each year owed. The 'payment plan' they offer will be for Revenue to collect the tax owed by taking it from your tax credits. This can reduce considerably your take home pay. If, as Joe_90 asks in post #2, this has resulted from Revenue taxing you on a week 1 instead of on a cumulative basis, you should write now to Revenue telling them to put you on a cumulative basis, otherwise the problem will occur again next year.This always amazes me how this can happen, how the Tax Office can allocate the same credits to a husband and wife. Was 2013 on a week 1 or cumulative basis?
Anyway you got €3,300 extra and the extra €9,000 on the standard rate so around €5,000 per annum.
I'd imagine that the Tax Office would accept a payment plan perhaps over three years if it's their fault.
There is no grounds on which an appeal could succeed in the circumstances outlined by the OP.
if there was a requirement to file a self assessment in any of those years it might be a little different
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