Husband just blew 34k on online casino

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hp123

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My husband came in this morning at 4am having been out on the town and instead of going to bed went online, and has lost 34k in an online casino - all in my name. We had 14k, he has now maxed me out on my overdraft of 3k and on two credit card accounts of 9k each (I was only supposed to have one of them and when the bank transferred me to a new visa account they never cancelled the other limit). So basically yesterday we were 14k up, today we owe 20k.

I am in complete shock and haven't a clue what to do. I have committed to having some work done to the house this week which is costing 4k and have a lot of expenses such as holidays coming up in the next few weeks, which is what the 14k was for. Fortunately I'm due to be paid this week so we'll be ok for all the monthly bills.

I rang up the visa company a few months ago to see if they could prevent transactions from betting companies and they told me they couldn't do that, so short of reporting him to the gardai there really wasn't much I could do to stop him using my credit card. I was always afraid of the risk of something like this happening some night, but it has never happened before. I've been unhappy for months about the level of betting he has been doing and we have had many arguments about it, but he never before risked more than a few thousand (which I thought was a lot at the time) and he always considered he had things under control. Talk about being in denial.

This is the craziest thing he has ever done and he is completely miserable today about it, I'mm a bit worried about depressing him any further so I'm trying to hide my feelings a bit, except for insisting he contact gamblers anonymous on monday which he has promised to do.

I'm not looking for comments on his actions. I'm looking for practical advice. What can I do to clear this debt?

We have a low mortgage but were previously refused a topup because he has a bad credit rating (he has always had no respect for money, doesn't bother paying minimum payments even when he has the money). I think the only thing I can do is to approach my bank to whom I owe the money and see what they can do to help me out of it. I can't get a loan anywhere else because I'd have to declare how much I owe on my credit card. Has this ever happened to anyone else?

Apart from clearing this debt I will insist he starts accepting he has a gambling problem and gets help for it, I have no intention of ever letting anything like this happen again. We've installed Gamblock a few times but he's a bit of an IT whizz and has no problem undoing it, and we need the internet access for work.

Can anyone help?
 
Obviously you know already but your husband seems to have serious problems and these need to be tackled (as you have already suggested). Presumably you will need to remove any temptation from him by cutting off access to money/credit as far as possible? I would imagine that any unnecessary expenditure might need to be deferred/cancelled in the meantime while you sort out the finances? Maybe contact MABS and read the debt management threads pinned to the top of this forum?
 
Clubman is right, MABS would be a good place to start with regard to the debt. For what it's worth, I think you shouldn't be worried about depressing him further-that now is the time to tackle the problem and plan a way out of it perhaps with you taking control of the family finances with his consent.

Most bookmakers operate a self exclusion policy where the bookie/casino will bar you at your request. Have a look at the Paddy Power page about this, it also has some useful numbers :



I hope things work out HP...keep the chin up.
 
How long has he had the problem and how much has he blown over that time period ?
 
Did he use your credit card fraudlulently? If he did, then you could claim credits for the transactions, but the credit card companies and possibly the Gardai would go after your husband for fraud.

Brendan
 
I was thinking if hes got a certifiable problem (by a mental health professional) then maybe what Brendan says is the best thing . Claim fraudulent usage of the card (get money back maybe?) and perhaps your hubby will get a caution and be forced to get the treatment he desperately needs.
It might be the kindest thing to do for Hubby especally if this problem of his isnt going away. Covering up the consequences wont make it go away either.
 
I work in the online gaming industry and to be perfectly honest with you i would be contacting the gaming company in question. They should never have allowed that amount of money to be deposited in a 24 hour period without requesting documentation of ownership of card etc. Gaming operators have to act in a socially responsible way! I would call them up and put it to them like this. " I will pay you 30% of the total and you will write the rest of it off or else i will charge back my credit card and i shall go on liveline and let people know that you are not acting in a socially responsible way. You should not be letting people deposit 34k without documentation and verifying the persons identity. The industry standard max allowed in a 24 hour period is 2k. This is enforcable but is the most either the company feels is still entertainment or the most they want to risk due to credit card fraud and charge back risks before they ask for documentation and proof of identity.

If you would like to talk about this more offline, pm me and I will help you through the process if you like.

BAG
 
Thanks everyone. The betting company is bet365 so they have probably never heard of liveline and I'm sure wouldn't care. I have no intention of trying to claim he didn't have my consent to use my CC because if that was the case I should have reported him a year ago, which I didn't because it would cause even more problems to include the gardai etc.

"Bagoftricks" do you seriously think I could try to get bet365 to reduce the debt? Has anyone ever done this successfully, are they actually breaking any laws or would they only do this as a favour? Re verifying identity etc, if someone has been using the same credit card for a year what other ID can they check if the person can confirm the numbers on the back of a credit card?

KalEl - I don't want to actually close the bet365 account because there are some accumulators which have a very good chance of coming in over the next few weeks so it would be stupid to throw that chance away. I might try to see if they can agree to suspend it in some way - i.e. refuse all new bets.

I've been in contact with MABS and they said I should contact my bank immediately and put in motion some discussion re how to deal with the debt. They also suggested I should try to make them responsible for allowing access to the credit limit on the old card which shouldn't have happened (they changed my credit card number but left me with online access to the old CC because I had a direct debit, but left both limits at 9k each which is how my husband was able to ring up such a large amount). Can anyone who works in a bank tell me how I should approach this? Also do you think they would agree to suspend interest on the CC temporarily?

Please keep the advise coming in, it's the only thing keeping me from breaking down completely at the moment.
 
Hp

I seriously think that Bet365 have a duty to cut some of the debt for you. I also think the credit card company should have in some way contacted you about unusual activity on your card and locked it down. That is if this is unusual? This is a very normal practice.
If your husband has been using the card for a year then they should see that this is not a usual deposit pattern in a 24 hour period. Also if your husband has not deposited large amounts of money before on the credit card in question, most companies would have not accepted anymore than 2k without him sending in a drivers license, copy of credit card front and back and utility bill (to match the cc billing address).
I understand that you are of the opinion that it is only your husband at fault here and it is to a large extent but the operator owns some of the responsibility in this case. 34k is HUGE money to be allowed when it comes to credit card deposits. Alarm bells should have been ringing from the operators side and they should have been proactive in their approach to make sure that these were not fraudalent charges.
The way gaming companies work is they walk a tight rope with the credit card processing companies should as visa. If the charge back rate is over 1% within a given month then Visa threathen to turn off their ability to accept deposits and charge them a higher rate, mainly because they are not verifying who the user of the cc is thoroughly enough.
That being said I think that with the correct perspective and attitude a deal could be made with Bet365.
Remember gaming operators do not want to deal with problem gamblers, it gives the industry a bad name publically. We are entertainment companies for people who like to have a flutter.
I would suggest calling the Customer Service number on Bet 365 and ask to speak with the customer service manager or the investigations fraud manager stragiht away. I would be totally truthful about the situation and explain exactly what happened and lets see if they will do you a deal. I think if you go in with the right attitude you will get something out of this.

Best regards
Bag
 
hp123 said:
Thanks everyone. The betting company is bet365 so they have probably never heard of liveline and I'm sure wouldn't care. I have no intention of trying to claim he didn't have my consent to use my CC because if that was the case I should have reported him a year ago, which I didn't because it would cause even more problems to include the gardai etc.

"Bagoftricks" do you seriously think I could try to get bet365 to reduce the debt? Has anyone ever done this successfully, are they actually breaking any laws or would they only do this as a favour? Re verifying identity etc, if someone has been using the same credit card for a year what other ID can they check if the person can confirm the numbers on the back of a credit card?

KalEl - I don't want to actually close the bet365 account because there are some accumulators which have a very good chance of coming in over the next few weeks so it would be stupid to throw that chance away. I might try to see if they can agree to suspend it in some way - i.e. refuse all new bets.

I've been in contact with MABS and they said I should contact my bank immediately and put in motion some discussion re how to deal with the debt. They also suggested I should try to make them responsible for allowing access to the credit limit on the old card which shouldn't have happened (they changed my credit card number but left me with online access to the old CC because I had a direct debit, but left both limits at 9k each which is how my husband was able to ring up such a large amount). Can anyone who works in a bank tell me how I should approach this? Also do you think they would agree to suspend interest on the CC temporarily?

Please keep the advise coming in, it's the only thing keeping me from breaking down completely at the moment.
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HP, bet365 are a big company. Their prices are advertised in the Racing Post which is the preserve of the bigger companies which would make them worried about bad PR. Accumulators are very difficult to get up...if you can settle this debt for less now I wouldn't worry about jeopardising your husbands bets.
 
I don't have any experience with gambling addictions; however I have (sadly) had to deal with alcoholics and if you substituted the word alcohol or drink to your post - you'd pretty much be certain that you were dealing with an alcoholic.

So here's the thing - and I know this is going to sound very harsh, but it has to be said....cleaning up this mess will include looking long and hard at how you have helped him along this road (failing to report fraud etc.,). When you get some headspace there is an excellent book called Games People Play which is well worth reading.

Just doing the equivalent of pouring the whiskey down the sink isn't going to help. Would I be right in thinking you have paid his debts before?

In the mean time - take all the steps you have been advised here - report the fraud - try and negotiate to reduce the amount - cut up the credit cards - lock down everything - separate out your finances - open your own account etc.,

Like alchoholics, he may have every intention of never doing it again...but without help (and sadly even with all the help & support in the world) there is no guarantee that it won't happen again.

Best of luck - I'll keep you in my thoughts today.
 
hp123 said:
I don't want to actually close the bet365 account because there are some accumulators which have a very good chance of coming in over the next few weeks so it would be stupid to throw that chance away.
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That's the monkey talking, hp123. You have to try to help him stop gambling or this will only get worse. Your husband has a problem, and clearing this €34K debt — or getting it reduced, if possible — is not going to solve it. This may require some 'tough love' on your part. As soon as you've worked things out with Bet365, you need to see about getting him some help with his addiction, because whether or not he sees it that way, that's what it is, when there's no control any more. And gambling is as powerfully addictive as any drug.

Good luck (if that's not ironic...!) :(
 
I have to agree with some of the other posters. I would report your husband and make him face whatever consequences. He has a problem and if you cover for him everytime he will never help himself.

I know this is difficult but you cant underestimate this porblem.

In the mean time - take all the steps you have been advised here - report the fraud - try and negotiate to reduce the amount - cut up the credit cards - lock down everything - separate out your finances - open your own account etc.,

Like alchoholics, he may have every intention of never doing it again...but without help (and sadly even with all the help & support in the world) there is no guarantee that it won't happen again.
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This is very good advice. Best wishes
 
My heart goes out to you. Gambling can become an addiction so easy and it's the chasing of losses that actually causes the most damage.

Firstly I'd check the Bet365 website for terms relating to deposits. It seems ridiculous that €34K can be lodged in one sitting. For betdaq the daily max by credit card is €2000.

Also the credit card company acted irresponsibly. I remember buying a laptop and some clothes on my credit card and the card was then blocked until someone in customer service spoke to the owner i.e. me and confirmed my identity and made sure the card wasn't stolen. That was for €1000 so you'd expect something similiar for €9K especially on a gambling site.
There's probably no consolation now, but just remember it could be worse. He could have gone to a moneylender, or raised money in other ways in order to chase the €34K losses. Also it's reckoned that 1 in 4 suicide attempts are to do with gambling debt. I feel sorry for your husband just thinking how agonising it must have been after he had blown all the money and realising there was no longer any hope of chasing back those losses. He must have woken up the next day with the mother of all hangovers.

They say the golden rule of gambling is not to gamble after drinking, but the problem with that rule is that after a few drinks the rules disappear.
 
Thrifty1 said:
I have to agree with some of the other posters. I would report your husband and make him face whatever consequences. He has a problem and if you cover for him everytime he will never help himself.
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Would this (reporting the husband for fraud) not signal the end of the replationship? I presume the OP wants to remain with their husband?
 
Not necessarily. It might be considered part of an "intervention" to deal with a loved one who cannot or will not face up to their problems. But obviously it's a drastic step!

Did he contact GA today?
 
The cc card company should have checked with you with regard to the amount being put on through the card!

A few years ago I made a purchase of some baby items (cot, bouncer etc) over the telephone using my cr card and the lady in the shop rang me back immediately to tell me that she put my purchase through twice in error and had refunded the amount to my account and as soon as I hung up from her the cc company were on the phone to me to say that my card had had two sizeable transactions and to know if I had authorised it.

I would get on to them immediately.

Keep a note of everyone you speak to and the time of the call etc.

Best of Luck
 
Hi there hp.

Just for your info, bet365 provide a number of contact options and information ,including weekly/daily deposit limits, self-exclusion, etc.

It does look as if they are reasonably responsible, and do not wish to encourage problem gambling.
 
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irishpancake said:
It does look as if they are reasonably responsible, and do not wish to encourage problem gambling.
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I can't agree with that. Every poker site I have used have a pre-set daily limit , that can't be raised without sending off password , credit card statements..etc...


Any site that accept a €34k deposit in the middle of the night, without even a phone call to check is not responsible....
 
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