Getting married - wife keeping maiden name

E

elefantfresh

Registered User
Messages
450
Probably going to annoy a few people here
Was talking to the sister a couple of days ago and the question came up about people getting married and the woman keeping the maiden name.
She reckons that she'd like to keep her name and i said that that could "worry" a few people.
I dunno if i'm some sort of traditionalist but speaking to friends they've all pretty much agreed that they wouldnt be overly happy if their wive to be was to keep her own name. Many of them said alarm bells would be ringing. "If she's putting her foot down now before we're even married..." etc.
I'm not trying to start a row here but i'm curious to know what people think of this.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Its a really interesting one. I didn't change my name. It wasnt for feminist reasons, prior to getting engaged I didnt have strong opinions on it either way but when it came to it, it didnt feel right. I discussed it with my better half and he really didnt care and said it was fine by him whatever I wanted to do so it was left at that and I never changed. What really surprised me though were the reactions I received. His parents were a bit upset, which I was sad about as they are lovely people but they just asked if we'd kids what surname would we use and we said just theirs (ie no double barrelling) they were happy. The only group of people that I seemed to offended were my own peers - women my age. I was really surprised at that. One good friend said to me "but who will I send the christmas card to next year?" to which I said "the same people you sent it to last year". People in work (again my age) have passed many comments, one guy said to me "what email address will I use - hasnt yours changed by now" at least 4 or 5 times (basically everything he's to send me an email) and he's clearly put out that I havent changed. I find it very amusing.

At the end of the day my husband didnt mind either way, that is the only person who's opinion on this topic matters. For my part if people do refer to me as Casiopea Swiss-surname rather than Casiopea Irish-surname I really dont mind and I dont even correct it (unless its for formal documentation). Im happy, Husband is happy, everyone else can change their name if they wish we dont mind - no problem!

 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Does any really care anymore about this? She should do whatever she wants to herself. It might cause her a few administrative problems but really if she keeps her birth cert and marriage cert to hand it is quite easy to surmount these.

I use both names. My maiden name at work and my married name whenever my husband is listening... Only joking. Actually it can be really handy to have two names. Especially if you're in a semi-hated profession like mine. So when I'm not at work nobody connects me with it.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Mind you if his surname is horrible then she should just stick with hers.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

We talked about the surname issue fleetingly (I'm married)

Neither of us would be 'traditional' I suppose but we didn't regard the issue as a big deal - suppose in the end we decided that adopting my surname wasn't particularly egalitarian but that double-barreled was definitely out. In the interests of older relatives and the possibilities of relentless questioning about any married name other than my surname - we went with that.

Don't know about the 'putting the foot down' bit but if the other half really wanted to keep her own name I'd want to know exactly why I suppose...
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

I think a more interesting question would be the childrens' names. Both of our children have their father's surname. I think he would be really upset if they didn't. Funny that.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

I think it means alot in most families to see a surname continuing into the future
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

I got married 2 months ago and my wife didn't take my name. To be honest if isn't something I even care about.
Whats in a name?
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

How would men feel if they were obliged to take the wife's surname?
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Gordanus said:
How would men feel if they were obliged to take the wife's surname?
Click to expand...

I for one, honestly wouldn't be bothered - as long as there was a logical/good reason to do so.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

My wife initially kept her own name which I didnt mind. Our child has my surname - issue never really came up other than in joking terms.

My wife now has renewed her passport changing it to her married surname - she just felt it was less hassle than, say, travelling with a child of a different surname & the questions that would follow it. So she's now a mixture depending on the age (i.e. from what "era" of contact it arises) & origin of the letter.

I think double barrell is naff - particularly if 2 very Irish surnames (as is the case). Also I wouldnt be too gone on children having the mothers surname - I think that, for right or wrong, its suggestive that the parents arent quite together.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Gordanus said:
How would men feel if they were obliged to take the wife's surname?
Click to expand...

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest - the collection of letters after my first name doesn't define who I am - my winning personality, dashing good looks and unflinching modesty is what make me what I am
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

The_Banker said:
I got married 2 months ago and my wife didn't take my name. To be honest if isn't something I even care about.
Whats in a name?
Click to expand...

If you have children, do you care what surname they will have? Just out of curiousity.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Both my wives have kept their own names.

See! Nothing to worry about!
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

Betsy Og said:
Also I wouldnt be too gone on children having the mothers surname - I think that, for right or wrong, its suggestive that the parents arent quite together.
Click to expand...

It's tradition that has a child taking their father's surname. A friend of mine tried to argue that it was against the law to have your mother's surname if your parents were married. I had to resort to showing him the specific legislation to prove it (you can have either, both, a combination of both or something completely different - as long as there's a good reason in the last case).

Personally (I'm a woman), if I do have kids, I want them to have surname, which I would absolutely never change.
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

See in the states, the idea of merging the names is taking hold. My wife an I have this as our user account on the laptop but nothing else, even though it's actually not the worst.

The gist is that the names are merged like so:
Smith & Jones - Smones etc...
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

purpeller said:
Personally (I'm a woman), if I do have kids, I want them to have surname, which I would absolutely never change.
Click to expand...

Yes, I agree that children should have a surname.

If you meant to say that you would insist that they have your surname then don't worry; with a attitude like that it won't come up
 
Re: Getting married - wive keeping maiden name

I'd take my boyfriends name I think a little bit of tradition is nice,
 
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