wab0607, I'm also a special needs mum so I understand the struggle. I had to leave my position when my son was 18 months old after the 4th creche (since just 10 months old) told us they could no longer meet his needs (non-verbal and highly aggressive as a result). It broke my heart to leave my job as I really enjoyed it, not to mention it was my sanity! But as I was the lower earner it made sense for it to be me.
Looking back, it was the best decision I made. My son has come on in leaps and bounds, and with consistency at home he is thriving. He is verbal (I can't shut him up), the aggression has dramatically reduced, and he is about to start a preschool specific to his needs. He also now has a mother, instead of the shell of a person I was - the anxiety is crippling as I'm sure you're aware. It's very easy to loose yourself when you become a mother anyway, but with the added surprise of special needs it drains all energy from you.
I enjoy my son so much more now. Our home is one of mostly calm as there's time to stay on top of things that previously were overwhelming with both of us working full time. Without a doubt, I see now that I am my sons early intervention. Services in this country are non-existent as you know.
From what I understand, you can work up to 20 hours a week and claim carers benefit/allowance. I would highly recommend ringing citizens information to find out all the ins and outs of it but as you're already in receipt of ICTC and DCA, I'm sure you're well versed
Keep in mind also, your tax credits will transfer to your spouse so his take home will see a slight increase. Also ensure that the ICTC is applied to him if you're not jointly assessed.
Financially speaking, as I said we didn't have a choice as we were out of childcare options. But when you remove the childcare costs you're paying, commute expenses, the coffee / lunches at work etc, you'll end up with very little less than what you have now. We as parents have the uncanny ability to manage in tough times, and it teaches you to watch your spending on frivolous items. We switched from a petrol to a diesel car - 500 odd kms a week for therapies was draining us in a petrol car. I meal plan and it works really well for us, we still eat out here and there when DS is in a good place and can tolerate it. We channel our spare money to savings for his and our future once his therapies are sorted. We're at a lovely place now where he has a check in with each therapist every couple of weeks - this makes a big change from three therapies a week at the monthly cost of 780 euros which we had up until April/May. And he is now about to start school in two weeks time, so I won't know myself. I'm excited to get back to working for me, hopefully I'll find something that suits with his school hours.
I will absolutely toot my own horn here and tell you that he has come on so much because of me - my consistency, my constant pushing of new exercises from therapists, regular routine, etc. Without a parent at home he would not be where he is.
My advice? Go for it. It isn't forever, one year will fly by and you will absolutely manage.