Family lawer's advice required

K

koons

Guest
hi, i have recently split with my ex of 5 years where we have a 2 and a half year old child. we were not married. my question is about maintenance. i have no problem paying it but this is my story. when we split my ex is in college studing law. so she doesn't have a full time job. she works as a sec. for a solicitors firm. when we split she was in hugh debt and asked for help. we came to agreement that i would give her 4 months up front for maintenance payment but stated that this money was for my daughter and not for her. anyways she also owed me alot of money 2. 6000 to be exact as i bought her her car. now upon doing this for her i asked her to wright it out exactly what i gave her and how much she owed me. she wrote down in the letter that is hand written that i have paid maintenance till jan 2007 and that she owes me X amout of money so to pay that off i wouldn't have to pay till jan 2009. this is in writting and signed by her. not for some reason she is hearing untrue rumors about stuff that i apperntly said about her and saying she is taking me to court now to pay her money for maintenance again. she is willing to let it go till jan this year but insists that i pay 60 a week from then on even though i have a letter stating that she waved this till 2009. i offered an altewrnitive that i will purchace everything my daughter needs for the week and drop it off when ever i drop my daughter of but she says it not good enough and states thatshe going to take me court because i refuse to pay. what a my rights he exactly, i don't mind if i get my money back and pay maintenance again. can i use the letter she wrote out and counter sue her for my money back? or is it that shes going to win because she has all the rights and i don't? help is needed on this badly and quickly as i do not want to go down this road as its over my daughters life and not just some materialistic thing. if i can put a stop to her demands it will stop the terrible life that is being set out for my daughter. anybody with legal advce please advise.
 
Hi Koons,

You really should consult a solicitor who specialises in family law.

There are also some support groups for seperated and divorced fathers.

aj
 
Unfortunately, Koons, some people use the children as a meal ticket and I have first hand experience of this myself. ( not my children ) They will never be satisfied with what they get and there's not a lot you can do about it. The money given is used for their own purposes and to benefit themselves and not the children for which it is intended. I have a lot of sympathy for you because I can see that you want the child to have the benefit of the money you are giving.

Not being married to the mother gives her all the control and boy will she use that to get what she wants regardless. Try and get things on a more formal footing is about all I can suggest.
 
@fatmanknows: i am, thats one of my points. she has money as she has a job. i just want to put a kerb on the demands that do no good for my child.
@swallows: thanks for being understanding. your right, she uses my child to get what she wants and all i want to know from this website was wether i can stop her demands and concentrate on givin my child what she needs and not what her mother wants.

@ajapale: yea i think its best option now. i never wanted to go down this road as it does nn one any good besides the lawers who get all our money at the end.
 
Don't assume that a Judge is going to wring you dry and give her every spare penny you have.

I suggest you dig your heels in and stick to the agreement. If she is geniunely in need of money now for the kid give her a bit (ie max 200 or 300).

If she issues a summons go to the court (with or without a solicitor is your choice) but it will be in private and the Judge will want you to produce details of your earnings and outgoings, he will also be interested in the ex's income and outgoings. The horror stories you hear are generally only from married men with a couple of kids who loose their right to the family home, get hit with a lot of maintenance etc etc but the average guy with one kid with an ex partner doesn't get fleeced so don't worry.
 
There is a mediation service for people who are splitting up which I think is run by Social Welfare or the Health Board. It is a free service and is available to marrieds or unmarrieds.Try asking at the Citizens advice who should be able to point you in the right direction. The mediation will help to sort out any financial problems, especially where children are involved.Do this before you go paying solicitors. If you are not working you should be able to get free legal advice.Sooner or later a more formal arrangement will have to be implemented in any case, otherwise the demands will get more frequent, so the sooner you do something the better.Go tomorrow and see about the mediation.
 
This mediation service is run by 'The family support agency', St. Stephens Green House,Earlsford Terrace, Dublin.2. Tel. 01-611-4100 and is on the website. www.welfare.ie.
 
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