Ex blocking all attempts to resolve house debt.

[Greeneye]

Hi. 　


In March 2014 my ex partner left the house we had bought together and lived in it for approximately six years. We have one young child. When my ex left the property he stopped paying half the mortgage. 　

I was reduced to a three day week in September 2014 but continued to pay the mortgage alone and in full until January 2016. 　

The mortgage fell into arrears and I looked for restructure of mortgage my ex wouldn't co operate and ignored mine and the banks communications. The bank eventually restructured the mortgage but they sent me the letter of approval literally on the day I was moving house. My aim was to move house, stay with a friend and rent house to tenants thereby covering the mortgage. 　

I informed my ex of the plans and he said nothing, however the day before I was signing agreement with tenants ex said he would not allow tenants in house. I had to cancel plans to rent house as I was afraid tenants would sue me or take proceedings against me if ex started to cause them problems. I was accepting HAP for the tenants and I had told my ex I would split any money left remaining each month from the difference paid for rent and mortgage. He demanded instead the house be sold. 　

My ex had told me he was doing this to make me homeless as he lived with his mother and would never be homeless and then could take our child, he has played this game over the years while sitting back watching me scrambling for ways of how to retain house so I am no longer playing his game he can now go and get the house sold if he wants to. I told him though he has to take the steps to have house sold. However he has informed me that he wont and that I am going to have to sell the house. 　

If I do not put house on market and do all the work for the house it will go into disrepair and more debt and we will both be financially ruined, but he is right it will be me who will suffer most because I dont have family to live with while I get back onto my feet. 　

So I am looking for advice. After having a lot of thinking about things I really want to take the route of renting out house. Rent for the house will cover the mortgage and arrears. Next year when the house is in a better financial position I will agree to sell. If we sell now we will just break even. 　

I am looking for advice on this. Can my ex force tenants out or as co owner am I entitled to make decision on house when other owner is behaving in such a manner and taking no action to resolve problems. 　

Any advice would be gratefully received I really am at my wits end and trying to protect my son in all of this. We cannot move back into the property for various reasons. 　

 

[elcato]

First thing to do is move back into the property yourself. Pay nothing for a few months till the bank take notice. This can be sorted so don't stress too much. Just take each step at a time.
Edit: OK Just noticed that moving in is not an option but part two is.

 

[Greeneye]

Sorry Elcato, are you really a moderator!!! Don't stress too much, My ex is trying to make me and my child homeless by financially crippling me so that's quite stressful and it can be sorted, please let me know how???
I have made bank aware of problem which is why I had the mortgage restructured by them. I cannot move back in. And I cannot pay mortgage. And ex is blocking any method I have of paying mortgage by getting tenants in.
So please tell me how this can be sorted, step by step. !!!

 

[Brendan Burgess]

Unfortunately, neither elcato nor anyone else can wave a magic want to sort your problem.

What has your solicitor advised?

Brendan

 

[cremeegg]

Certainly no magic wand.

I don't understand why you didn't let the tenants in and collect the rent. Do you think your ex would be so scrupulous.

Rent it if you can, or move back in. I see you say you can't for "reasons" but you don't have many good choices.

In any case stop paying the bank and wait until they repossess. If the property clears the mortgage you will be free of the situation. If it doesn't maybe you will get a write off, maybe not.

Elcato is right, don't stress. Make your decisions, implement them, hope for the best, and don't worry. Worry is completely counterproductive.

 

[Greeneye]

Unfortunately, neither elcato nor anyone else can wave a magic want to sort your problem.

In fairness now I hardly asked for a fairywand solution just advice, not a glib response telling me don't stress it can be sorted when the edit indicated Elcato hadn't properly read the post properly. Sorry if I seem prickly but I am really up against it which is why I am asking for help here. But anyhow, with regard the issue. My solicitor is pretty vague on issue, I cant really force ex to sell as this could cost me over 10,000 euro, money which I clearly don't have. As for tenants my solicitor told me to just try and keep ex off side, which didn't work. I am making new appointment with solicitor to see what more can be done.

Cremegg my ex seems to have nothing better to do except to make my life difficult. And has done so, theres domestic violence issues etc, this is just another way of him controlling.

I did not let tenants in because I was afraid my ex would force them out and tenants would taken some action against me for giving them a place to rent when other owner was not in agreement.

Please stop asking me not to stress, I have a little boy to mind and protect throughout all of this and its stressful, I am sure it is meant well but it is coming across as being a little bit patronising.

 

[Gerry Canning]

greeneye.

1. get to your solicitor and insist on a course of action that will get closure.
2. from what you post , I see no maintenance /visiting rights etc in place , either for you /child/mortgage. + look @ separation rules, you don't need to be married to avail of them..
3. Never ever leave the house is standard advice .And unless you have future proofed housing its not atall advisable.
4. renting etc can create tax type issues etc .
you really ,really need to again talk with solicitor and really insist on a position that gives your head (peace).

The fact you are posting tells me you are coming out of being bullied and
are coming to time for closure ! so good luck.

Remember , dragging on is very very unhealthy for you , so go for closure .

 

[Bronte]

Option 1

Go ahead and rent out house to pay mortgage and arrears. Forget about tenants doing anything to do if your ex does something to them. That's nonsense.

Option 2

Go live in the house, pay no mortgage, let bank take it, let bank take you to court. Meanwhile you get a couple of years of a rent free house.

Option 3

Tell the bank to take the house, and you go rent somewhere suitable for you. And I hope to goodness you have no money and your ex has, as then the problems will all be his.

Advice

From this day forth you do not speak to your ex. Go sort out your life and ignore him. Completely. He can't take the child from you just because he lives with his mother. That's more nonsense. Has your solicitor not told you this.

 

[Bronte]

The fact you are posting tells me you are coming out of being bullied and
are coming to time for closure ! so good luck.

Remember , dragging on is very very unhealthy for you , so go for closure .

I agree with your post but one is always wary that there is always another side to a story.

 

[Gerry Canning]

Bronte ,
I know that, and if poster is not being accurate ,poster ain,t helping anyone ? I don,t like double guessing !

 

[Bronte]

My ex is trying to make me and my child homeless by financially crippling me so that's quite stressful and it can be sorted, please let me know how???
I have made bank aware of problem which is why I had the mortgage restructured by them. I cannot move back in. And I cannot pay mortgage. And ex is blocking any method I have of paying mortgage by getting tenants in.
So please tell me how this can be sorted, step by step. !!!

You say the bank is aware of all the goings on. They couldn't care less. The only reason they must have restructured is because it made financial sense to them.

Stop letting your ex dictate and do what suits you and ignore him. What is your ideal solution.

What is your income, and what would rent of a place for you and your son cost?

You're not going to be financially ruined. You'll always be allowed enough to rent and live on, no matter what.

 

[Greeneye]

Gerry and Bronte, thank you so much for your responses, they have helped a lot.

My solicitor has told me not to worry about ex trying to take child, he isn't even a guardian to child. However, My ex if I was homeless or really struggling I would allow my son go and live with his father as my son does love his father and I could not let my child live in poverty just because I was. My ex would have more to offer to my son materially. That's really the only way he could get child and he knows this, I have no addictions etc that could cause welfare concerns. My mental health is strained, but I think that's only to be expected and my ex keeps informing me my son would be better off without me, this is just to give idea of what I am trying to work with.

The wise thing to do I think is rent out house and get the house into good financial health and then sell. However I love to be able to get rid of my ex out of my life and house keeps us bound to a degrre.

I will insist to my solicitor that this needs to be brought to a head and some kind of communication to ex to make him take action.

I earn enough to pay rent, however when you throw crèche fees in etc its a pretty tight squeeze with little room for any hiccups.

I am trying to find closure and sick of being bullied by this puppetmaster, although I try not to let him getting under my skin. I do want a fresh start but I want the fresh start not to be debt laden if possible. If my ex co operated this could be resolved very easily. I don't want anything extra.

 

[Bronte]

Why are you talking to your ex at all. It is not necessary in a situation where he is negative to you constantly. Anyone that is telling you that your son would be better off without you is a mean nasty individual. You don't have to work with this. You can work around it. Just have set times for visitation and let your son run out to his father's car etc.

It's particuarly gauling to hear your ex is materially wealthy yet you are struggling to pay the creche etc.

You're dreaming based on your post about your ex cooperating. He's playing mind games with you. Go talk to your solicitor but make up your mind on what you want. But make that realistic not dreaming.

Can you at least post up some figures so we might see if you'd be landed with any debt at all. Take your time and give us all the details, as near as you can. Also do the same for your ex, as best as you can.

If you do that, the most financially astute option will become clearer to us all to advise you on.

 

[Greeneye]

Bronte, thank you for your response. Because we have a child its nearly impossible not to talk to him. I have told him I wont take his calls. But when I drop or pick child up he comes to the car to have his say and will not close car door until he is finished. I have tried setting visitation times but ex will not co operate, he works shifts and does overtime so his work is not very predictable so set times have never been arranged, and apparently even if I bring him to court on this issue he cannot be compelled to set up times. His son does love him and I would not hurt my son by refusing access although if the manipulation of my son continues this will have to be looked at again.

My ex does pay maintenance of €100 pw, which the judge had to have him removed because he caused such murder about and he doesn't always pay it, I have a court date in future regarding this.

I earn 27,000 a year but this is a net figure, when I am ill I am docked my wage which some weeks can be €200, but am pleased to say my health is improving so salary should become more consistent.

The house value is approx. 170,000 with outstanding mortgage of 154,000 and arrears of €7,000. I am on a tracker mortgage and it has been restructured to a monthly repayment of €594.

I could get a monthly rent of €1300. This would be subject to tax, etc. all of which I would pay.

I cannot move back to house that's causing the problems as county council was good enough to move a family of 11 into my next door. Everyone who owned there house left the street, either sold up or renting out their property. I do not want my child to grow up on this street, it is no place for a child unless the child wears a stab vest.

 

[Gerry Canning]

greeneye ,
You might find this interesting on Maintenance . ,under spousal maintence.
if you read down and its highlighted , spouse/partner has more than just to pay child maintenance .
Maybe somewhat relevant to your case.

Also Google under , Minimum income standard for Ireland , dept of social protection , on about page 18 it gives living costs.
I would think ex has to pay somewhat to mortgage ? if he has income.

+ takes Brontes advice and carefully give Ask About moneuy better details .
You will be surprised at the good advice you will get !
Armed with more clarity you can then decide.

 

[Greeneye]

Hi thanks Gerry for getting back to me on this.

I know if I chased my ex for more money he wont give a penny and the court case the last time was bad enough, a Garda had to come out of the court house to get my ex to move along. And anyhow the judge wasn't going to give the €100 maintenance, even though I had all the documents to show I was paying for everything, the only reason the judge gave the hundred was due to my ex having a canary in the courtroom. My ex does not pay a penny more than his weekly money, even at xmas he stopped payments for three weeks and used the money to buy son a tv as his xmas gift.

I think ex should contribute towards mortgage because he will be trying to get money back from house when time comes to sell and he does have income, I think he is earning around € 45,000 pa, and this does not include overtime which he gets most weeks.

 

[elcato]

You have no chance of getting co-operation from your ex regarding the house so it seems you should stop paying the mortgage and let the bank repossess. As per cremeegg's advice above they will most likely write-off any outstanding debt. Most importantly you will get away from that part of your life and get a fresh start. This immediately gives you an extra 500 a month which you should try and keep saved for rainyday funds and getting a new start elsewhere. Remember any shortfall is your ex's problem as well. Also remember that if you take this route the bank will try and get either of you to pay and as you have been engaging with them then it will be most likely you. In preparation for this you need to start ignoring the banks altogether and let them worry about it.

 

[Bronte]

I think ex should contribute towards mortgage because he will be trying to get money back from house when time comes to sell and he does have income, I think he is earning around € 45,000 pa, and this does not include overtime which he gets most weeks.

You need to stop thinking like this. It is quite clear that you must forget about your ex and the house and just walk away. Unlike Elcato, I believe gthe bank will go after your ex for the shortfall. He's on 45K versus your 27K, he is living at home and has no rent, you're a single mother who has to pay rent.

You also need to stop allowing your ex speak to you at all. Let the child run into the house and come to your car without your ex and if your ex is unwilling to do so then don't drop the child off, come to an ararangement that means you don't have to speak to him ever. Put on headphones and listen to music, whatever it takes.

If he sends you any abusive texts keep a copy of them, make a log of each negative comment to you. Date the time and place etc.

 

[Greeneye]

Hi, thanks for response Elcato and Bronte, It goes very much against my grain to allow the bank to repossess house. As it turns out over the last wkend he agreed to rent house out only on the basis that child gets house at 21 and any money left from rental income and mortgage cost was to be ploughed back into house to cover arrears. However when I pointed out that rental income would have to have deductions such as tax, insurance, maintenance of house and my petrol money for times I have to travel to house for whatever reason he then decided to have house sold instead. This is what I am dealing with. Its very hard to walk away from house I worked so hard to get despite his fighting me every step of the way.

I believe the bank will go after us both, I don't believe the bank will care how much I can repay they will just squeeze us both for whatever can be got.

I cant get my son to run to car or say a quick goodbye to his dad my son misses his dad and draws out the whole goodbye process which then gives the ex a 'in' on telling me how unhappy my son is with me, etc etc etc. He would just get physical or something if I put on headphones etc and I will do all I can not to expose my son to his nastiness. However I haven't being doing myself favours by just sucking this up, I will be looking into seeing if there is a way of having a meeting point with no interaction.

I can log and date what I like but unless he badly injures me I cannot do very much, so I was told anyhow. But I do keep records anyhow.

 

[cremeegg]

Great he agreed to what you wanted.

As it turns out over the last wkend he agreed to rent house out only on the basis that child gets house at 21 and any money left from rental income and mortgage cost was to be ploughed back into house to cover arrears.

Then you talked him out of it

However when I pointed out that rental income would have to have deductions such as tax, insurance, maintenance of house and my petrol money for times I have to travel to house for whatever reason he then decided to have house sold instead.

I believe the bank will go after us both, I don't believe the bank will care how much I can repay they will just squeeze us both for whatever can be got.

You have been given good advice on here about this. Listen to it, they know what they are talking about.