Crisis - debts due to gambling

S

Stupid Boy

Registered User
Messages
43
Age: 23
Spouse’s/Partner's age: 27

Annual gross income ; 36k
Annual gross income spouse: 28k

Type of employment: Both PAYE Private sector

Expenditure pattern: In general are you spending more than you earn or are you saving? No

Rough estimate of value of home ; currently renting for 425 pcm

Other borrowings – 6,500 personal AIB loan at 10.5%

Do you pay off your full credit card balance each month? No
If not, what is the balance on your credit card? 3000 on Bank of Ireland cc and 4500 on Virgin Credit Card

Savings and investments: €300 current account

Pension scheme? Company Pension €100/Month

Do you own any investment or other property? N/A

Ages of children: N/A

Life insurance: N/A

What specific question do you have or what issues are of concern to you? I really don't know where to start, I have in theory the perfect life, a recent graduate with a strong job, an amazing girlfriend, world my oyster etc but behind it all I have a serious gambling problem, this has been going on since i was 18, winning thousands then losing twice as much, approx a year ago i lost 2000 in one day and told my girlfriend, she almost ended the relationship and only took me back because i vowed never to gamble again... but low and behold after clearing all my debt i started again... now have outstanding debts of 12,000!

my loan with the aib is over 3 years at a payback of 300 odd per month, the 3000 with bank of ireland is balance transfer for 13 months at 0% and the 4500 is just been maxed out in the past few days so something will need to be done on it ASAP!

I really am at my wits end... i have been reading many threads on here and thought that it would never happen to me, as I write this i am actually crying because my girlfriend wants to now buy a house as the next step in our relationship, i want it to happen but the situation I am in is going to put me over the edge, we should have a deposit of 20,000 between us if i tell her our relationship is over, no doubt about that, she couldnt take finding out something like this... telling her actually makes me feel sick to my stomach !!

Im not even sure what to do, i know people will say to tell her but i just cant risk losing her... god knows what i would do!

i am now thinking of consolidating all this debt into one monthly repayment but i just cant think where to go... i am stressed out, severe headaches, cant think straight...

I know i have gone off on a tangent but i really just dont know where or who to turn to!
 
Re: Crisis!!!

Well Stupid Boy, you might not be as Stupid as you think. At least you are prepared to admit to your addiction. It's now time to act to stop it, once and for all.

The first thing is tomorrow morning ia find yourself the nearest GA (Gamblers Anonymous) and start by attending the meetings. It's the only way.

You have to be convinced that gambling is for losers. You simply cannot win. I know to many people that have ended up with literally ZERO by gambling it all away, Very close relatives have lost their houses, their businesses, some their family for what -- a losing streak which cannot be reversed.

As soon as you are enrolled at GA you are going to have to tell your girlfriend as if she finds out she will up and go. Then set up a new pattern and course where you keep well away from Gambling or any of its side shows. Finally work out a plan to buy a house, get married and start a family and put the years gone by as an experience.

You are lucky. If you want to stop now is your chance.
 
Re: Crisis!!!

Completely agree with Mercman on how to start dealing with your addiction. From personal experience, sometimes you have to hit rockbottom before you can start crawling out. So don't get too worked up about it- we all make mistakes and at least you're young enough to be able to rectify them without too much at stake!!

Regarding your debt, €12,000 may seem like a lot but it's not really when you take it in a wider context. Have you looked into getting a loan for the full amount i.e. €12,000? If that is not an option, cut up your credit cards and just try chip away at it bit by bit.

When you say you should have €20,000 saved between ye, were you supposed to be saving but spending it instead? If so, if you start some serious budgeting, you could probably make up a lot of that amount in the next year. And, realistically, buying a property takes at least 6 months from initially applying for a mortgage to moving in so this should give you some time to get your finances in order.

Regarding the girlfriend, it is cliché but if she loves you, you'll work through it. You need to make some serious changes (tackling debt, saving, going to GA) to prove you're reforming, but have a little faith in her and yourself. Best of luck!!
 
Re: Crisis!!!

Gus2008 said:
Regarding your debt, €12,000 may seem like a lot but it's not really when you take it in a wider context. Have you looked into getting a loan for the full amount i.e. €12,000? If that is not an option, cut up your credit cards and just try chip away at it bit by bit.

Regarding the girlfriend, it is cliché but if she loves you, you'll work through it. You need to make some serious changes (tackling debt, saving, going to GA) to prove you're reforming, but have a little faith in her and yourself. Best of luck!!
Click to expand...

Agree owing 30% of your annual wage is not a bad thing, think about it, when you get a mortgage, you'll owe anything up to 800% of your gross income.

Regarding if she loves you etc, it may happen anyhow, but once you get married your wife can take control of the finances and leave you with little scope (money) for the temptation of gambling.

 
Re: Crisis!!!

As mentioned above the first step you need to take is to get help with the gambling. Otherwise whatever advice you get is worthless.

I would consolidate your interest bearing loans into one loan at the cheapest rate possible. There are better rates then what AIB are charging you. If the BOI credit card is at 0%, leave it but do up a budget to see if can pay off the exisiting balance before the interest free period ends. I would also tear up your credit cards straight away. This will hep make sure you don't add to your debt and make the gambling urge more difficult to fulfill. I would strongly recommend you do up a budget. Contact MABS at www.mabs.ie . You are lucky in that you are young and the amounts are not totally out of control.

Can't tell you what to do about the girlfriend but I think you will have to tell her in the end. Especially if you want to get a mortgage. Take the first steps with regard to a gamblers support group and getting your debt under control and it might make it easier for her to take.
 
Re: Crisis!!!

Does it really matter. He needs to get rid of his computer or move house to cease the habit.
 
Re: Crisis!!!

Have you thought about giving your Girlfriend your bank card, credit cards and cheque book and asking her to give you pocket money every week? It might work and it might be the reassurance she needs to stay with you. Think about her fear that you could ruin your personal finances as a couple and she would be powerless to stop it. From the experience of a friend who had the same problem this was his wife’s biggest fear.
If you were an alcoholic you would have to stay away from alcohol. You need to stay away from credit and bank accounts.

I also agree that GA should be your first port of call.
 
Re: Crisis!!!

You have made a good start by facing up to your situation. Do your level best not to get tempted by the lure of Cheltenham this week. It will be hard but think of all you have to gain, not least your peace of mind. Hope it all works out for you.
 
Hey Folks,

Thanks for all the comments, no access to askaboutmoney in work so been doing my head in all day :eek:

I made a phone call to my northern account in order to get a loan for the full amount but they didnt want to know because i had no proof of income... this the bank i have been with for 13 years!

I dont know what way the AIB would look at me if i applied for a further loan, im sure it wouldnt be looked upon too favourably given my current outstanding debt so im feeling more increasingly pushed towards a credit loan such as norton finance or one of these companies... i just want to get rid of it once and for all and try to get my life back on track!!!

i think the only way to get on top of this is to take out a 5 year term loan for the full amount and just bloody work hard... i know im good at my job and will be getting a promotion in a few months which will all be pushed towards clearing this fecking mess i have got myself into!

Still haven't decided what to do about my girlfriend... just so scared of losing her!!
 
Stop panicing. No matter what you do now, will not change the past. Look forward and be positive. Without my trying to sound cheeky, have you considered a trip to Church. Not a goer myself but from what I hear meant to be a real head clearer. And don't forget GA. The time will come when the air is clear to tell your girlfriend. Hopefully all will be fine and then you will be able to smile and put it down to experience. You are lucky - you fell early.
 
OP I'm sorry you are in such a mess but at least you are trying to do something about it. Before you get into a further mess by getting another loan are you sure you have your gambling under control because your last post doesn't even mention this. For sure your girlfriend needs to know the truth, she may not want to purchase a house with you if she knows the extent of your gambling, this is the least you owe her and yourself -honesty.
 
i agree with Bronte. OP is probably relieved in some way that he has faced up to his problem and for the present his mind may not be on gambling. from my experience the urge to gamble is one of the strongest of human urges and will take much time to get under control. like alcoholism it is never cured. as previously stated it is vital to keep in contact with GA. i know of people who make several calls daily in an effort to overcome the urge. the easy availabilty of credid cards is another problem which he alone can control. sorry if i appear a bit negative. you have taken the first important step. wish you well
 
Stupid Boy said:
Hey Folks,

Thanks for all the comments, no access to askaboutmoney in work so been doing my head in all day :eek:

I made a phone call to my northern account in order to get a loan for the full amount but they didnt want to know because i had no proof of income... this the bank i have been with for 13 years!

I dont know what way the AIB would look at me if i applied for a further loan, im sure it wouldnt be looked upon too favourably given my current outstanding debt so im feeling more increasingly pushed towards a credit loan such as norton finance or one of these companies... i just want to get rid of it once and for all and try to get my life back on track!!!
Click to expand...

From the 12k finance point of view Tesco loans and the [broken link removed] provide loans for refinance purposes with the later giving a decision within an hour during business hours. Take on board what others have said though re. gambling or a credit account could prolong the inevitable - you penniless in the gutter minus a girlfriend imo. .
 
Tell your gf the truth but go into therapy first, show her you are doing something serious about it now.
 
stupid boy - while your intentions are good i think you need to sort things out in the correct order and stop trying to put the cart before the horse.

what needs sorting immediately and without delay is the gambling addiction. if that doesnt take priority then no amount of debt fixing is going to help in the long term.

sure the debts need to be sorted out - but the gambling needs attention first else you'll just end up in the same position again.

i disagree with posters suggesting that you hand over your bank cards, cash etc to GF - realistically you need to be independantly in control of this addiction and with all the good intentions in the world someone else cannot take responsibility for your finances else you'll never stand on your own two feet.
 
I second Truthseekers advice re. not handing over cards etc. to your gf, you need to be able to learn to deal with your addiction yourself. Attending GA before you approach your gf will probably make her feel more kindly disposed towards you (eg. I've made mistakes but I'm on a road to recovery) and also, proving you are taking steps to deal with it will reassure her she will not end up carrying too much of the burden of your problems. As everyone else said, for your own sake, first port of call GA and good luck.
 
First thing you should do if you are gambling online is set limits/blocks on all your credit cards.I know the facility is defo available on Paddy power. That way if you have a moment of weakness you will not be in a position to gamble.
 
JimboJones, think you are wrong there. If there is an urge to go online leave the limits alone. Simply get rid of the computer and block any online accounts permanantly.
 
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