Bullied at Work - Should I stay?

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elainem

Registered User
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Im currently being bullied at work, and it is escalating.

It started with manager spreading roumours about my work not being good enough, which I actually heard back. Then telling new staff that I was completely unreliable and was hardly even in, even though I had missed only two days in nine months.

Then she made two attempts to get rid of me, but Director of Nursing was furious, so I stayed.

Now I have difficulty getting my holidays, even one day, 1st September to take my son to school on his first day. She suggests ask the assistant director of nursing, the assistant director says ask the manager, then the manager says she nevere said I should ask the assistant director so I am being made to look unreasonable.

Told me the other day that another girl was coming to my job and I would have to move, but then completely denied it when the Director of Nursing got involved.

Others have told me what she has said behind my back, some have noticed the way she speaks to me - one of the secretaries even commented that the manager speaks to me 'like a dog' and said they had all notied how she treats me.

Im tempted to leave - have some savings in the bank, and two rental properties, no mortgage, no car loan, two kids - 4 and 6, and maintenance from their dad.

Im contemplating doing agency.

Im also commencing course in systemic therapy this september so I can eventually get out of nursing in 4 years time d.v.

Have thought of going to union, but rep. is very close to assistant director of nursing. Also other bullying cases in past have not had much success going this route.

Would I be mad to resign? - My contract ran out yesterday 1st August, but they are keeping me on - although no new contract because of the embargo.

I have a thyroid problem which makes the stress of bullying more difficult for me.

Any advice greatly appreciated.
 
elainem said:
Currently being bullied at work, and it is escalating.
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Have you made a formal complaint in work about this?
Now I have difficulty getting my holidays, even one day
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You have a statutory entitlement to take your holidays subject to reasonable negotiation about timing with your employer.
She suggests ask the assistant director of nursing, the assistant director says ask the manager, then the manager says she nevere said I should ask the assistant director so I am being made to look unreasonable.
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Or maybe they are being made to look incompetent. Why not get them together and ask which of them has the final say in this if they cannot tell you?
Told me the other day that another girl was coming to my job and I would have to move
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Move where?
Others have told me what she has said behind my back, some have noticed the way she speaks to me - one of the secretaries even commented that the manager speaks to me 'like a dog' and said they had all notied how she treats me.
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Second hand reports like this may not be totally reliable.
Tempted to leave
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If at all possible don't unilaterally leave but wait until you have secured alternative employment.
Have thought of going to union, but rep. very close to assistant director of nursing. Also other bullying cases in past have not had much success going this route.
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You mean other cases in this organisation or other cases of your's?
Would I be mad to resign
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Not mad but it might be rash.
Have thyroid problem which makes the stress of bullying more difficult for me.
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Contact your GP about this and if s/he considers it related to your work issues and thinks that you need to be certified for sick leave.
 
elainem said:
Currently being bullied at work, and it is escalating. Started with manager spreading roumours about my work not being good enough, which I actually heard back. Then telling new staff that I was completely unreliable and was hardly even in, even though I had missed only two days in nine months. Then she made two attempts to get rid of me, but Director of Nursing was furious, so I stayed. Now I have difficulty getting my holidays, even one day, 1st September to take my son to school on his first day. She suggests ask the assistant director of nursing, the assistant director says ask the manager, then the manager says she nevere said I should ask the assistant director so I am being made to look unreasonable. Told me the other day that another girl was coming to my job and I would have to move, but then completely denied it when the Director of Nursing got involved. Others have told me what she has said behind my back, some have noticed the way she speaks to me - one of the secretaries even commented that the manager speaks to me 'like a dog' and said they had all notied how she treats me. Tempted to leave - have some savings in the bank, and two rental properties, no mortgage, no car loan, two kids - 4 and 6, and maintenance from their dad. Contemplating doing agency. Also commencing course in systemic therapy this sept. so I can eventually get out of nursing in 4 years time d.v. Have thought of going to union, but rep. very close to assistant director of nursing. Also other bullying cases in past have not had much success going this route. Would I be mad to resign - contract ran out yesterday 1st August, but they are keeping me on - although no new contract because of the embargo. Have thyroid problem which makes the stress of bullying more difficult for me. Any advice greatly appreciated.
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Hi Best of luck with what you decide - I would just be careful about how much information you post re your job, you have mentioned specific titles of people etc -you wouldn't know who is an aam'er. Good luck
 
Hi elainem,

I had the misfortune to be targeted by a bully in the past not a nice thing at all.

When I come across them now and they try to target me I expose them for what they are, stupid, incompetent, attention seeking parasites.

Trying to explain to people about what it is like being bullied is very difficult because a lot of people think you are over reacting.

The sad reality of the matter even if you do make a complaint against your bully the chances are nothing will be done.

Its quite common for bullies to be promoted in order to get rid of them, so instead of being fired as they deserve they get more money and more power to make peoples lives utter misery.

I had a quick look through the net for you and found [broken link removed]

I hope it is of use to you.

SLF
 
elainem said:
. Would I be mad to resign - contract ran out yesterday 1st August, but they are keeping me on - although no new contract because of the embargo. Have thyroid problem which makes the stress of bullying more difficult for me. Any advice greatly appreciated.
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Yes you would be mad to resign - fight your corner or else you will be picked on wherever you work - I never cease to be amazed at the politics/games that go on in public/health sector work environments. The last person to be considered by all concerned is the patient/client.
 
elainem said:
Currently being bullied at work, and it is escalating. Started with manager spreading roumours about my work not being good enough, which I actually heard back. Then telling new staff that I was completely unreliable and was hardly even in, even though I had missed only two days in nine months. Then she made two attempts to get rid of me, but Director of Nursing was furious, so I stayed. Now I have difficulty getting my holidays, even one day, 1st September to take my son to school on his first day. She suggests ask the assistant director of nursing, the assistant director says ask the manager, then the manager says she nevere said I should ask the assistant director so I am being made to look unreasonable. Told me the other day that another girl was coming to my job and I would have to move, but then completely denied it when the Director of Nursing got involved. Others have told me what she has said behind my back, some have noticed the way she speaks to me - one of the secretaries even commented that the manager speaks to me 'like a dog' and said they had all notied how she treats me. Tempted to leave - have some savings in the bank, and two rental properties, no mortgage, no car loan, two kids - 4 and 6, and maintenance from their dad. Contemplating doing agency. Also commencing course in systemic therapy this sept. so I can eventually get out of nursing in 4 years time d.v. Have thought of going to union, but rep. very close to assistant director of nursing. Also other bullying cases in past have not had much success going this route. Would I be mad to resign - contract ran out yesterday 1st August, but they are keeping me on - although no new contract because of the embargo. Have thyroid problem which makes the stress of bullying more difficult for me. Any advice greatly appreciated.
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I find the fact that you are being kept on but not getting a contract hilarious - you are entitled to a contract, the 'embargo' has nothing to do with the contract.

I would not resign to do agency work - you will lose out on contributing to the pension scheme.

You should make a complaint under the Dignity at Work scheme.

You pay the union to assist and advise you in these matters and the relationship the rep has with the DoN should have no bearing on this.
 
Bullies love an audience, speak to this person on their own and you'll see him/her turn into a insecure, shivering whim.
 
Hi! everyone, thanks for your replies.

Clubman, I am wary of making a formal complaint as a colleague of mine made one and the bullying increased, so much that she finally left.

In relation to whether I have been bullied before, no not at this workplace, but in England, myself and two of my colleagues were bullied because we stood up for someone who was being accused in the wrong. We won, through the union, but it was at great personal cost, and I was single at time and also without thyroid condition.

In relation to moving me. Two managers (my own and a friend of hers who is waiting to step into this workplace on my own manager's retirement) and the ACNO told me that I could not go back on to the wards as they were fully staffed (I currently work in community and had offered to go back to the wards), and the only other position available was a Day Centre where, due to childcare arrangements, I had previously told them I would be unable to work at the moment. Further, the Day Centre would not allow me to utilise any of my skills from the psychotherapy course, which the DON said they needed. The DON was furious when he heard about the planned move, as apparently he had known nothing about it.

Becky, thanks for your reply. Any temporary staff whose contracts have expired did not get them renewed, but were kept on at the same hours. We have asked for them to be renewed, and suggested to management that we are entitled to a contract, but they said the HSE was not giving out new contracts due to the embargo.

In relation to the Dignity at Work Policy, I am aware of it, but given what happened to my colleague in our workplace (as mentioned above), I don't think it will carry much weight - but I could be wrong.
 
As an aside, my sister in law ( in France) had/has a thyroid problem so I know how seriously this can affect your health and even your outlook. Under the great French healthcare system she was off work for over a year ( on full pay), and a taxi was sent to her house to bring her to a spa once a month for an R&R day. What are the chances of Mary Harney bringing in the likes?! :)

Personally I'd look for another job and move when I got the new job. The last thing you need is more stress esp as you are a single mother. God knows that's hard enough on its own without bringing a hard time at work into the equation.
 
H! Vanilla, thanks for your comment. I am definitely leaning towards finding a new job - might be difficult in today's economic climate and I live down the country, though not too far from Dublin that I couldn't get some temporary work.

Yes, a thyroid problem does affect one's outlook. My friend could never understand how I could get so tired in the evenings and how emotional conflict or events such as being burgled could leave me flattened. However, she then got a mild thyroid problem, which, since she is a herbalist, managed to right with herbs and no need for orthodox medication. She now can understand how I feel, and said that when her thyroid was low she felt like someone had taken her batteries out.
 
elaine, I would strongly advise you to keep a detailed journal of any incidents - who said what, dates, times, who was present. Be very dilligent about this. Do not keep it at work.

If you choose to make a formal complaint, or even an informal approach to the DON, this will prove invaluable.

all the best,
Diziet
 
Firstly , are you a qualified nurse? I ask because I find your comments rather strange as regards comments re herbalism etc. If you have a thyroid 'problem' which is being adequately treated , you shouldn't experience that level of tiredness, so firstly you should see your doctor.

Presumably, you are a member of a union , so why not contact your representative.
As a previous poster said , keep a diary of events.

I'm not sure of the wisdom of listening to what others have to say like this. This is the cause of a lot of trouble in workplaces, do any of us really want to know what others are saying and very often comments are taken out of place.Also some people like ' stirring the pot' and have their own agenda.

Why not ask other staff as to whom they apply to when they wish to avail of leave?Find out and then write to the relevant person, applying for same.

If a manager speaks to you in a fashion that you construe as bullying, why not say quietly to them that you consider that you are being bullied and you would like to discuss the matter further?

Would it not be better to deal with your concerns and then make up your mind as to whether or not the job suits you?

Regardless of what qualifications you have, as you are a contract worker, you will be deployed according to the need of the organisation. You may not get exactly the job you want and this is not normally construed as bullying.

If you don't follow the procedures as laid down, you can leave and complain all you want but you will severely weaken any case you may have.
Best of luck, you may be surprised and find that you may be able to resolve your differences with communication.
 
elainem said:
However, she then got a mild thyroid problem, which, since she is a herbalist, managed to right with herbs and no need for orthodox medication.
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Brianne said:
Firstly , are you a qualified nurse? I ask because I find your comments rather strange as regards comments re herbalism etc.
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I have to agree with Brianne - "herbalism" (assuming this is what we're actually talking about and not some completely quack therapy) may have something to offer in some cases but "orthodox medicine" probably should be the first port of call in cases such as this.
 
Hi! Clubman and Brainne, I myself and not using herbal treatment, it worked for my friend who is a herbalist and whose thryoid was slightyly underactive. I have been taking orothodox medication (eltroxin) for years and am under the care of a consultant endocronologist. My thoyroid is completley non-functioning. When I am under periods of stress, I get tired, and my medication usually has to be increased for a short period, that's why I have to consider the impact of making a formal complaint, or starying in my current job on my health.
 
Fair enough. Not sure why you threw in the comments about your friend and her herbal treatment so though.
 
What is the best possible outcome if you follow through with a complaint at work re bullying? Will this person be removed? Is that at all likely? If so then certainly think about it ( but not at the cost of your own health). If not...
 
In relation to whether I have been bullied before, no not at this workplace, but in England, myself and two of my colleagues were bullied because we stood up for someone who was being accused in the wrong. We won, through the union, but it was at great personal cost, and I was single at time and also without thyroid condition.
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If I was in your position I would take the matter through the official channels. Your Union should be supportive in all circumstances - you say the union rep is a friend of the asst dir of nursing, so just put everything in writing and (s)he can't ignore it. You can always take it to the next level if no action is taken within a reasonable amount of time. It's natural to be apprehensive of course, nobody likes hassle in their workplace/life but bullying is a very serious matter.

Remember your previous success, however our own health is paramount so consult your physician, who may advise sick leave until the matter is settled.

Research other employment opportunities as you may wish to consider making a move regardless of the outcome.
 
Elainem You are in a position to stand to this person and win, You seem to be comfortable money wise, so a big weight of your shoulders,other people don't have that luxury and would be to afraid to take this person on.You in my opinion are in that position and she needs to be thought a lesson.If you just leave she wins and then she can just go a do it to another person who will have to put up with her bullying because she really need the money that this job brings.
I hope you have used a diary to note all this down, date and times etc, if not start doing it, 2nd don't know if this is allowed or not but could you record her on your phone. The easy option for you is to leave and who would blame you, but I don't think it is the right thing to do, do you ?
You have children and the chances they will be bullied sometime in their lives is quite high,so for me that is another reason why you need to stand up to this bully.
 
Natural decency and justice say 'stand up to them'. Common sense says that you should weigh your options according to your own life and priorities.

The reality is that organisations close ranks when a complaint of bullying is made, and it gets very hard for the complainant. If the policy specifies an independent investigator, the chances of success are better. If the investigator is a senior person in the organisation, there is generally too much conflict of interest for the decision to be trusted and respected (regardless of how well they did their job).

I know of a few very valid complaints of bullying - not one of the had a satisfactory outcome for the complainant. It is important to think is advance what you want to get out of this.

Having said that, getting a bit of support higher up the scale appears to be your best bet.
 
Hello,

I don't think moving job might work (?) because bullies are basically jealous cowards and no matter where you go to work another coward will be jealous of the same physical/mental quality you possess which this bully notices. But I understand I have been lucky enough to never encounter such foul behavior.

I wish you the best of luck.
 
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